Kinda dumb but here goes.

cmmosley81 · October 2010

Not really an etiquette question but you gals are going to give it to me straight so I figured I would ask you.Ok so I have had my guest list locked in for about a month now. Well I have been going through the trauma of now finding a new venue because of some things that didn't please me that I found out. Well the new place I am looking at is better then the first place and would have been my first choice had I remembered the name of it.( I know how is it that great if I couldn't remember the name but in fairness I hadn't been there in 6 years and only went once) Well the new place has a minimum of 75 people to rent it. My guest list is 60. And those directly involved with helping know I only have 60 people. So even though I have not sent any STD's or invites out. Would you side eye me if you found out that when I found I could invite more people that you went on the list and you weren't in the original list. I don't plan on saying oh well you were really an add on but at the same time I don't want someone to be like aren't you glad you were able to be added.

alehayes · October 2010

If you haven't sent out STDs yet, people more than likely don't know the entire guest list. I think it's probably safe to invite some other people.

georgia_bride09 · October 2010

If you havne't sent out anything, then nobody will know that they're late additions. I don't see how you have a problem. Add 15 people.

STD's aren't mandatory, you know.

Stackeye210 · October 2010

You're a year away from the wedding........you're clearly in the beginning planning stages, I think it's more than alright to add some names to your guest list.

FutureMrsTR · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kinda-dumb-but-here-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:41b4e918-9644-45cd-8d55-14c86fda56f6Post:a2ed516c-bf84-42a8-932e-77f68104a73b">Kinda dumb but here goes.</a>:
[QUOTE]Not really an etiquette question but you gals are going to give it to me straight so I figured I would ask you.Ok so I have had my guest list locked in for about a month now. Well I have been going through the trauma of now finding a new venue because of some things that didn't please me that I found out. Well the new place I am looking at is better then the first place and would have been my first choice had I remembered the name of it.( I know how is it that great if I couldn't remember the name but in fairness I hadn't been there in 6 years and only went once) Well the new place has a minimum of 75 people to rent it. My guest list is 60. And those directly involved with helping know I only have 60 people. So even though I have not sent any STD's or invites out. Would you side eye me if you found out that when I found I could invite more people that you went on the list and you weren't in the original list. I don't plan on saying oh well you were really an add on but at the same time <strong>I don't want someone to be like aren't you glad you were able to be added</strong>.
Posted by cmmosley81[/QUOTE]

If anyone says that you have my permission to kick them in the face. Because that's just stupid and rude.

Beachy730 · October 2010

You have almost an entire year until your wedding. Your guest list is never really finalized until you send out invitations. I can't tell you how mnany people we added or dropped between the first draft of a guest list we made until the invites went out.

mgietler76 · October 2010

Ditto PP's, I'm 4 months out and still don't have a finalized list. I blame FI and his hundreds of cousins (I have 9 people on my list). If I was a guest and I found out about being added later, I wouldn't think anything of it and be happy I was able to come.

danieliza1127 · October 2010

No one would know that they've been added. Your wedding is still a year away, you can keep adding people to your list until the invitations go out.

cmmosley81 · October 2010

IFutureMrs.- I really would hope no one would say anything but my brother who has been really helpful with the list can sometimes get a little loose in the mouth when he drinks. Thanks I think that would be a great pic to have taken me kicking someone in the face and getting blood on my white dress. LOL

ILoveMilkDuds- I just don't like to be rude. My SIL tells me I need to become BRIDEZILLA so that people don't try to screw me over like the bridal shop did.

I know I am a year away from my wedding but I am trying to get as much planned as early as possible because my mom has a medical issue and is on a transplant list so at anytime they could call us and we have to jet off to this hospital or that one almost anywhere in the U.S.

ekilzer1 · October 2010

You can totally add more people no worries!!!!

I was going to say that not everyone needs to get STDs either- but your wedding is small and intimate... someone might realize that they did not get one.

Our guest list is almost 250 people, but only 150 people will be getting STDs.

squirrly · October 2010

Do people know the count is 60, or everyone of those 60 people know who all the rest of the people on the list are, by name? Because if they just know the count is 60, everyone will assume they were in before and somebody else got added.

But, stop talking about your guest list with all 60 guests.

Calypso1977 · October 2010

even if you did send STD's, no one is actually invited until invitations go out. so you'd still be in the right increasing your guest list.

since you havent mailed std's or invites, youd also be in the right to decrease your guest list as you see fit.

squirrly · October 2010

If your brother spills the beans, honestly, I'd probably just tell people he was misinformed or saw an incomplete list. This is a case where a little white lie won't hurt anybody, and could save hurt feelings.

You could also say that you wanted to be able to invite more people, because 60 just wasn't enough, and so the venue switch helped.

But, you're probably overthinking it. Unless your brother has a grudge against one of the added 15 people and thinks this will be a great way to take a dig at them.

squirrly · October 2010

Oh, Wrkn, martinis are fine. I prefer vodka ones to gin, though, so if you're drinking in honor of me, go find some Grey Goose.

cmmosley81 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kinda-dumb-but-here-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:41b4e918-9644-45cd-8d55-14c86fda56f6Post:0dbb2da2-d240-42e6-abc9-e9248e09d2c3">Re: Kinda dumb but here goes.</a>:
[QUOTE]You're not being rude. You changed venues. <strong>It's not like you made a B list</strong>.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Exactly what I don't want I dont want people to think they were on a B list.

Wrkn925 · October 2010

Can do, I'm not a gin person either.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kinda-dumb-but-here-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41b4e918-9644-45cd-8d55-14c86fda56f6Post:bbff5933-cfe0-4dae-8da8-e3db4da6dfc8">Re: Kinda dumb but here goes.</a>:
[QUOTE]Are all 60 people on the list already definitely coming? If the venue minimum is 75, you will most likely need to invite more than 75, unless you want to pay for uneaten meals.
Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]

Our minimum was 75 and we ended up with 67. We just upgraded a little and got our vendor meals thrown in for free. It was nice, actually, because I didn't have to worry if someone extra showed up or someone wanted to bring a date at the last minute. That didn't happen, but still. It wasn't a concern.

jerseydevil · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kinda-dumb-but-here-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:41b4e918-9644-45cd-8d55-14c86fda56f6Post:f694f64f-85c1-477b-9ebb-e5f4a5c3886c">Re: Kinda dumb but here goes.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kinda dumb but here goes. : Exactly what I don't want I dont want people to think they were on a B list.
Posted by cmmosley81[/QUOTE]

You are waaaay too early in your planning for people to think that, IMO. Just relax!

heartxsongs · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kinda-dumb-but-here-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:41b4e918-9644-45cd-8d55-14c86fda56f6Post:0c5b431e-b412-4678-826d-a3192327a127">Re: Kinda dumb but here goes.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kinda dumb but here goes. : I have my some of my vendors as guests because they are friends should they not be on my guest list??I want them to enjoy the same meal as everyone else. OMG my head hurts now.
Posted by cmmosley81[/QUOTE]

You should count your vendors that will be at the reception (photographer, etc) in your head count. Some venues offer discounts for vendor meals, or vendor-specific meals. Some vendors stipulate in their contracts if and what they should be fed. But in most cases, if someone will be at the reception, you count them.

ETA: Spelling.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kinda-dumb-but-here-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:41b4e918-9644-45cd-8d55-14c86fda56f6Post:0c5b431e-b412-4678-826d-a3192327a127">Re: Kinda dumb but here goes.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kinda dumb but here goes. : I have my some of my vendors as guests because they are friends should they not be on my guest list??I want them to enjoy the same meal as everyone else. OMG my head hurts now.
Posted by cmmosley81[/QUOTE]

If they are friends who would be invited to the reception anyway and you want them to sit an enjoy the reception with the rest of your guests (perhaps your minister?) then add them to the guest list. My vendor meals were for vendors who were paid employees working the reception and needed to have a meal break - my cocktail hour musician, my DJ, my DOC and her assistant, and my photographer.

leia1979 · October 2010

OP, I'm in a semi-similar situation. We make a list of about 80 people before we started looking. The venue we picked asks for a minimum of 100, so we'll probably add a few more people. No big deal, we just don't have to limit as much.

We still probably won't have 100, but I know if I feel like adding a few more people, it's no problem. No one should be offended by that.

phut_action · October 2010

As a guest I wouldnt be offended if I found out I was an add-on. Not that anybody would know anyway based on what you said. I know some people would be hurt that they didnt make the first cut and they were "only" an add-on, but I like to hope people understand how expensive weddings are and that space and money are limited and that it is an honor to be invited, but not an insult not to be.

kayakrunhike · October 2010

I read through this about half way, so sorry if I'm repeating anyone's answer.

We came in at 130ppl for a required 150 minimum during peak season. I spoke to our day of coordinator at the venue about it, and they upgraded our table linens for us (which we were planning on doing, but were going to pay for it) for free. You may be able to get an upgraded bar or something similar. It really doesn't hurt to ask, as the venue wants you to feel you're getting a great deal. That means good reviews from you, and more people having their weddings there.

So, really, you don't need to increase your guest list if you don't want to. I wouldn't worry about anyone being insulted if you add them 'late', since the wedding is still a year off.

HKD817 · October 2010

No one would know. Honestly you have so much time, planning always changes as you go along. Our guest list changed a few times and we had a few last minute add ins for people we forgot or people that we became close with and felt should be invited. no one knows but you and your FI

Kinda dumb but here goes.

Re: Kinda dumb but here goes.

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