Friends with Ex on Facebook?

staceyd100 · February 2011

Okay, so this is a random question and I just want to know if I should be bothered by this or just let go of it.

My fiance still keeps in touch with his ex's family, not his ex, but her family and refuses to cut ties with them. I trust him but I feel like he is still holding on in a way (he swears that he is not and has never been happier) by staying in touch with everyone and it makes me slightly uncomfortable...am I off base, is this normal for second marriages? I couldn't even imagine contacting or staying in touch my ex's family...So, help me out girls. Is there more to this or it's nothing and I should stop being 'crazy!'

shytownkelly · February 2011

No such thing as "Normal".

I don't think you are being crazy - but I think you are probably reading too much into FB Friendships. When you say he "keeps in touch" what does that really mean? Occasionally posting on each other's statuses? Prolly not something to get your panties in a twist about - ya know?

And since it isn't the actual ex - just her family? I'd let it go.

For what its worth - my ex-husband is still very much in touch with my family and I'm totally fine with it, and more importantly so is my FI.

So - tell us more about you and your wedding!

MikesAngie · February 2011

Some remain friends with their ex-family especially if children are involved, it makes things easier for the children. You don't state whether or not he has children.

Also there may be a long history there. Sometimes your family in-laws are more your family than the one you were born into - it happens.

My mom (step but the only mom I have ever known) and her ex's family are all still good friends - my dad when he was alive did not have an issue with it. My mom is sitll in touch with my dad's extended family and her new husband doesn't appear to have an issue with it either.

I don't have a relationship with my ex's family but that is because of my ex-H, there is a no contact order in place because he is a such a peach (yes, another reason he's an ex).

thealphabride · February 2011

FB is really no place to conduct any kind of "relationship" at all. If they keep up with each others lives through FB I don't see it to be a problem.

My husband's ex family occasionally posts on his page for Birthdays or big events. IT's not a big deal to me. I don't have a problem with it.

staceyd100 · February 2011

I have to admit, hearing your feedback back on this makes me feel 10x better knowing that I can let this go and not think much into it.

He did not have children in his first marriage but it was a nasty breakup that left him living with his sister-n-law until he was able to get on his feet, so I understand that he feels close to them as they helped him during a horrible time. He doesn't hang out with her family at all and only occasionally posts on a status or comment or sends a private message here and there, which he always tells me about.

Hearing everyone's feedback I feel kinda silly for thinking it was anything more, but it helps me gain clarity talking it out and hearing other opinions. Thank you so much!

About me?! This will be my second marriage. I married my controlling and verbally abusive HS sweetheart and finally gained the courage to leave after 8 long years.
I am now getting my second chance to marry for all the right reasons! We are getting married in October 2011 at the Bedford Springs Resort, it's a vintage hotel that is absolutely stunning and to cut costs I am doing everything myself...which as turned me into a giant stress ball! Anything else you would like to know, please ask!

thealphabride · February 2011

Congrats Stacey, welcome to the board! We usually have good solid answers for every second, third or fourth timers!! Being more "experienced" beides as Angie says, we are more focused on the actual marriage than the wedding.

The wedding is very important, but we don't get our panties in a bunch about what color of blue to use, or ribbon wands or silly stuff that the younger set gets upset about.....

Happy planning, come back often....

Marrin713 · February 2011

My new husband was always very close to his ex's family. His own mom and dad moved to Colorado while T was still in college, so his exW's family kind of took him in as one of their own. He didn't live with them, but he did spend lots of time with them. So when he and the xMrsA, split up, he remained very close to his FiL and MiL, as well as a BiL who ended being a best friend/golf partner rather than an in-law. The rest of the family, he does not really stay in touch with but he does run into them from time to time and he chats with them. The exMiL and exFil unfortunately died within 4 years of each other and I had the priviledge of knowing the MiL - very special lady.

As for my own exin-laws. My Fil died whilst xH and I were still together, but it broke my heart that my two xSiL's turned my xMiL against me, but we did manage to keep up a sneaky little communication through my son.

She also passed away about 2 years ago.

kimber9999 · February 2011

my FI BM is his ex-BIL, we keep in touch with him and have him and his wife over often

2dBride · February 2011

When my ex divorced me, his mother made a point of saying that I had been their daughter for 20 years, and as far as she was concerned, I still was. We remained close after the divorce, and I used to visit her and my former FIL weekly in their nursing home and taking my former MIL out to brunch. When NotFroofy arrived in this country, she began joining me on these visits, and my former in-laws made her, too, feel like part of the family. My former in-laws died the summer before NotFroofy and I were married, and we included a memorial to them in our wedding programs.

Honestly, if someone has come to love his or her in-laws during the marriage, that love can easily continue after the divorce. Whatever bad conduct the ex may have engaged in, his or her family was likely not responsible for, so why punish them?

ABeautifulMind · February 2011

My xH and I DO NOT have children together, but I still keep in touch with him via email. I also stay in touch with my ex-MIL. She and I were extremely close. We still get together for coffee once or twice a year. I am also friend's with my ex-SIL and his cousin on FB. My future H is fine with everything and would never tell me not to talk with them.

I can see how it would be hard on you and want him to not have anything to do with ex-family, but coming from a girl who is still in touch with her ex-family, I can tell you that you probably don't have anything to worry about. They were a huge part of his life and it is not like you just shun those people forever, especially since it sounds like everyone is on good terms.

Try not to worry too much about it. He loves you. He is going to marry you! Trust that he would not do anything to hurt you.

squarepeg72 · March 2011

My Ex & I are friends on FB mainly to keep up with things abou the kids. We required to oldest to keep her FB page private adn that he and I were to be in her friends list. I am FB friends with some of his family but it has been accepting friend requests from them. It was difficult to lose that part of me when we separated and divorced (his family is about 3 hours away and They were a part of my life for 13 years) and it has been nice to have the opportunity to reconnect. FH understands and often reads adn posts stuff with me to thier pages.

Ramiau3 · March 2011

My family has stayed close to my ex and is now FB friends with his fiancee. It has hurt me a lot. Not because they have keep in contact with him, but because my mother refuses to be my FB friend. On the other hand, I am FB friends with my ex and his new fiancee. I post on their walls and they return posts. They are even FB friends with my fiance and we all keep tabs on each other lives in this manner. We are the modern family!!!! This works for us. I am a firm believer that divorce only seperates homes and money.. not family. It wasn't my vows that made us til death, it was our children. I have my ex forever and he has me. It can be a wonderful, civil and happy rest of our lives. Or it can be bitter and angry rest of our lives. So don't worry about FB, it's just a list of people you know and have ever known.

Friends with Ex on Facebook?

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