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BM wont pick up her dress

Riley3195Riley3195 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
Hi y'all!

I am at a loss for how to deal with one of my BMs, and could really use some advice. I'm so sorry this is so long!

Back in November of last year we choose and ordered the BM dresses as a group. All the girls agreed on the price, and professed to love the dress.

The dresses finally arrived at the bridal shop 1 month ago, and all my BMs have all picked up their dresses and arranged for alterations, steaming, etc. However, one BM has not done so yet. She has told me she would go pick it up right away every week since it's arrival. However, she has not yet done so.

Normally this would not be a huge issue, but there are two reasons I am concerned. 1) The bridal shop owner ordered her dress wihout taking a deposit, because my BM was short on cash last November when we placed the order. 2) The bridal shop is going out of business, and is closing any day now.

I am worried that she will not pick up the dress before the shop closes, and that perhaps she can't afford to pay for it now. I would pick it up myself on her behalf, but I dont have the available funds to do so (we are paying for our wedding ourselves). In addition, she has been very disinterested in the wedding - I have made a point of not discussing it with her unless absolutely necessary because I know that no one cares as much as I do. However, when I have asked her things i *must know* (like "are you allergic to these flowers that we are considering?") she immediately shuts me down and changes the subject. She has also even made some very negative remarks about marriage in general while we are together - i.e. "everyone just get's divorced, and I can't believe people are stupid enough to get married in the first place".

I dont want to offend her by bringing these issues up, but at the same time I dont want her to feel like she has to be a BM if she genuinely doesnt want to or cant. Advice?
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Re: BM wont pick up her dress

  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Ask the shop when the last date she can get the dress is, pass this on to her and if she doesn't get it then she's removed herself from the wedding.

    When you were looking for the dress, did you ask each BM privately what her budget was or did you just ask them as a group at the shop if they were good with the price?  If it is the latter, I'm going to say that it was probably out of her price range and she didn't want to be embarrassed in from of the others.
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited August 2012
    Ditto GLB. There's a difference between, "BM, what is your dress budget" asked privately, and "Hey everyone, the dress is $150 (or whatever). Y'all OK with that?" asked to a group. In the latter, people feel pressured to say OK even if they aren't OK with the price.

    Plus, even if it WAS in her budget before (which I kind of doubt if she could not afford a deposit on it), her financial situation might have since changed.

    It sounds like a money issue to me TBH. This could also make her embarrassed/reluctant to talk about the wedding at all; hence, why she changes the subject when it comes up.

    If there is no possible way for you to cover the cost of the dress up front, I would just give her the absolute last day she can get the dress before they close down, and if she doesn't, then she took herself out of the WP.

    However, if you did not ask their budgets beforehand, I would be inclined to try to front the cover of the dress any way you can, since it seems like she genuinely has never been able to afford it and was too embarrassed to say anything in front of the group.


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  • Riley3195Riley3195 member
    First Comment
    Thanks for your advice!
    Also, before we even began looking at dresses I did make sure to discuss privately with each BM their individual price range. We also found a much less expensive option as well, but everyone decided on the more expensive of the two dresses.
     
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    100 Comments
    Do we have the exact same BM? I am in the same situation with on of my BM except that she has already paid for the dress, and this shop isn't closing. She's also went from being so supportive in the beginning to making snide remarks about weddings and marriage. I can't control her outlook on that, I'm just crossing my fingers she gets the dress and shows up on the wedding day.
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