Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

Receiving positive RSVP's waaaayyyy past due.

MrsWolf422MrsWolf422
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My RSVP due date was around 2 weeks ago now and our wedding is on Sept 22nd. We didn't receive many RSVP's from my fiance's side of the family and because my fiance was deployed (he just got home!!!) my mom asked his mom to contact their family members that didn't RSVP. She said she did and none of them would be coming. Fast forward to yesterday (two weeks past the RSVP date) and my mom got 2 positive responses in the mail from people that my MIL said she contacted and would not be coming. My mom asks my MIL about this and she says "Oops guess I should've called people instead of assuming." Ummm no crap!!!! It's a black tie wedding and not a freaking BBQ!!! Though apparently things are done differently where they're from. My parents are pretty upset (they're hosting and paying for everything). My dad wants my MIL to call them and say "Sorry, too late." I know how rude it is, but they're also being rude by RSVPing so late in the game. Our venue is paid in full and the seating chart is made. Ultimately, I know that it's my dad's call since he's paying, but I hate being rude. =/ I guess this was more of a vent than a question. Sorry! Input is still more than welcome.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Receiving positive RSVP's waaaayyyy past due.

  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    When did your venue need your final count?  You are now just 3 weeks out.  You are right, it's up to your dad, but I think if you haven't given your final count yet, I might include them.  Your FMIL was wrong for not actually calling.  If you don't have your count in, I think you need to tell them to call for sure and that the window is closed after X date.  Good luck!

    image
    Report Reply
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think if your final head count isn't due yet, you should include these late RSVPers.  It's not their fault that your FMIL failed to call in a timely fashion, like you asked of her.  Even though they should have sent their card in sooner, things happen and sometimes people forget RSVP cards or assumed their spouse sent it back when they didn't

    I'm assuming these people are included in your original budget, in addition to all the other people FMIL assumed aren't coming.  If you have time before your final head count is due, I would call all of the people FMIL was supposed to call and confirm their RSVP.  Your dad is paying, but he should have already been prepared to pay for these people, so I don't think its streching too far to add in these potential extra people.  It's not like FMIL wants to add to the GL, she is just terrible at following simple directions.
    Report Reply
  • MrsWolf422MrsWolf422
    10 Comments
    We turned in the final count to the venue this past Saturday. (They needed it one month out). It's unfortunate to have to turn people away, but it's also unfortunate they couldn't mail a pre-stamped/addressed envelope on time -__-. I agree that my FMIL needs to do the call. They're from a super small town and I guess weddings there are typically a backyard or church ceremony with a potluck reception and people just show up. Which is fine, just now how we're doing it. Oh well. I think the hardest part of wedding planning is that you can't control other people.
    Report Reply
  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited August 2012
    She shouldn't have assumed, she should have called.  That was a mistake.

    If you haven't given your final numbers yet, add them.  If you already have, its your FMIL's responsibility to let them know she made the assumption they weren't coming, as there was no response by the RSVP date.  

    You still have three weeks, so hopefully you can add them in and change up the seating plan.  

    It wouldn't be a bad idea for her to make sure no one else will be coming that you didn't hear from too, so this problem doesn't happen again as the wedding gets closer.


    ETA - Since you've already given in your final numbers, if you can't change them have your FMIL let them know the deadline has passed.
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Report Reply
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    With your update of final number being in.  I would still call the venue to see if 4 more people could be added.  If the venue says no, then it is on FMIL to call these people.  You also need to make sure that she makes these calls and you don't have these 4 people show up wondering where they are sitting at the reception, because FMIL backed out on calling these people again.

    Report Reply
  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You absolutely do not have to include them but I know some venues do let you add on after the final count is due, you just can't subtract people. I added someone the night before by emailing my coordinator. This was at around 730pm and we were having a formal sit down dinner. It was not a problem. So if you want to, you can ask the venue if you can add them.
    image
    Report Reply
  • pkontkpkontk member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_receiving-positive-rsvps-waaaayyyy-past-due?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8ba3c61b-6b80-44c5-aa4f-ba3561f99a7dPost:7c138617-23a2-46d8-923d-64b09a73ada5">Re: Receiving positive RSVP's waaaayyyy past due.</a>:
    [QUOTE]With your update of final number being in.  I would still call the venue to see if 4 more people could be added.  If the venue says no, then it is on FMIL to call these people.  You also need to make sure that she makes these calls and you don't have these 4 people show up wondering where they are sitting at the reception, because FMIL backed out on calling these people again.
    Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

    Exactly this.  Venues often can increase a guaranteed # of guests, but cannot decrease it (or will not, since decreasing loses them money).
    Report Reply
  • brommelbrommel member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments
    Just a heads up, you might want to ask assistance from a family member from your FI's side who can actually call the rest of the people that "told her no" to let them know that they will be missed on your wedding day, to make sure that there are no surprises on the day-of.  If they are acustomed to weddings where it's more relaxed / informal / the whole town is invited, you will want to make sure you prepare / prevent this while you still have some time ahead.

    If, and only, truly! if, these are the only additonal four from his side/town that will be coming, do your best to add them in.  Your venue should always cover for a grace of anywhere from 5-10%, so it wouldn't be a big deal, even on the day of.
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Brandi0714Brandi0714
    100 Comments
    This exact scenario happened at our wedding except we got it three days before the wedding.  We just called the venue and explained the situation and they made it work.  I think you should still include them since you still have several weeks.
    imageimageBlog Vacation
    Report Reply
  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited August 2012
    honestly, uninviting them because they RSVP'ed late could burn bridges. Do you want that? Also, how do you know it didn't get lost in the mail and they had sent it in on time?  The post office makes mistakes, so there is truly no way if these people were trying to be rude or anything. your FMIL screwed up, don't punish them

    Unless you absolutely cannot add people to the caterere's numbers, I'd be flexible and just re-arrange tables....You invited people for a reason, because you want them there. Don't you still want them there? If so, when they RSVP'ed wouldn't matter. Would you feel the same if it was YOUR side and your best friend or something??

    I would call the venue and ask if you can add them to numbers. Most venues make a little extra anyhow, so you are probably safe.
    Report Reply
  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_receiving-positive-rsvps-waaaayyyy-past-due?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8ba3c61b-6b80-44c5-aa4f-ba3561f99a7dPost:ad7b5bef-12f2-4b04-b7e2-2aeb64dde697">Re: Receiving positive RSVP's waaaayyyy past due.</a>:
    [QUOTE]honestly, uninviting them because they RSVP'ed late could burn bridges. Do you want that? Also, how do you know it didn't get lost in the mail and they had sent it in on time?  The post office makes mistakes, so there is truly no way if these people were trying to be rude or anything. your FMIL screwed up, don't punish them Unless you absolutely cannot add people to the caterere's numbers, I'd be flexible and just re-arrange tables....You invited people for a reason, because you want them there. Don't you still want them there? If so, when they RSVP'ed wouldn't matter. Would you feel the same if it was YOUR side and your best friend or something?? I would call the venue and ask if you can add them to numbers. Most venues make a little extra anyhow, so you are probably safe.
    Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. They were invited. Not "invited until it is no longer convenient for us." See what you can do to accomodate them.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
    Report Reply
  • MrsWolf422MrsWolf422
    10 Comments
    We talked to my Dad and our venue and won't be able to accomodate them at this point. It's unfortunate, but it is what it is. They're my husband's great aunt/uncle and he doesn't know them. As far as it getting lost, they wrote a "sorry we forgot about this" on the back. And it's not that they've been uninvited, but I'm pretty sure the importance of deadlines and due dates are taught for a reason.
    Report Reply
  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Maybe they found out you're already married?
    Report Reply
  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_receiving-positive-rsvps-waaaayyyy-past-due?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8ba3c61b-6b80-44c5-aa4f-ba3561f99a7dPost:799a2eac-fcd4-4af6-a6a7-2f3b3d06e819">Re: Receiving positive RSVP's waaaayyyy past due.</a>:
    [QUOTE]We talked to my Dad and our venue and won't be able to accomodate them at this point. It's unfortunate, but it is what it is. They're my husband's great aunt/uncle and he doesn't know them. As far as it getting lost, they wrote a "sorry we forgot about this" on the back. And it's not that they've been uninvited, but I'm pretty sure the importance of deadlines and due dates are taught for a reason.
    Posted by MrsWolf422[/QUOTE]


    your venue won;t accomodate 2 more people? I call B.S. on this one.
    Report Reply
  • nlindsay17nlindsay17 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    Funny that you call him your fiance and his mom your fmil. It's pretty clear you are not being honest with your guests that you are already married. What a waste of your father's money!
    Report Reply
  • funandfrecklesfunandfreckles member
    100 Comments
    My wedding is also Sept 22. Our RSVP date was yesterday, and we still have lots of time for final numbers....
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    100 Comments
    If you really want those guests to attend, I would contact the venue & see if you can add them.  You have plenty of time, & they have plenty of time to order linens, etc. We added a few people after our final count was due & it wasn't an issue.

    Also, I agree that FMIL should be the one making all the phone calls if the venue is unable to add the additional guests.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards