BM Issue....(kind of long)

Re: BM Issue....(kind of long)

• Nancy00714 member

  

  March 2012

  Ok, I'll be honest.  I don't think that people should have to put their life on hold because you're getting married and I don't think you getting married and your brother having a baby have a lot to do with one another.  I also don't think it's fair to ask someone not to get pregnant because you're getting married.
  
  You do have every right to be upset that you've lost 2 bridesmaids   I'm sorry about that.  But they are both situations out of your control.  Like you say your cousin can't do anything about it and your SIL will be on bedrest.
  
  Now what would suck is if your SIL didn't let your brother come to the wedding bc she's on bedrest.  Does she have a mom that can stay with her that day, a sister, a friend??  If yes, then I really hope she wouldn't do that.  If she did I personally wouldn't talk to either of them for a while.
  
  My brother and his FI announced their engagement 6 mos after me and were planning to get married before me and I probably wouldn't have been able to make it and FSIL did not give a rat's ass.  I think SILs suck.

  

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• MeaganR12

  

  March 2012 edited March 2012

  I agree with everything PP said, she said it perfectly. 

  

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• bells24412

  

  March 2012

  Thank you, put things in perspective!

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2012

  Nancy said it best. You can't ask people to put their lives on hold just because you are getting married.  It does suck to lose bridesmaids, but the most important thing is at the end of your wedding day, you and your FI will be married.

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• vikingmom806 member

  

  March 2012

  On the bright side (correct me if I'm wrong), it sounded like you didn't really want your SIL as a BM...but it still sucks that you've lost two girls now. I hope you can remedy the situation soon.

  
  

  If you're close, you could definitely let your brother know that you undestand the situation with your SIL on bedrest, but also how important it is that he shares your special day with you. And like Nancy said, does she have someone else who could stay with her? It's only one day. I also probably wouldn't bring up anything about being upset with her for getting pregnant. It could really offend him, he's probably really excited about being a dad - even if some other family members are less than thrilled with the "scheduling". The timing sucks, but like PPs said, unfortunately people won't and can't put their lives on hold for your wedding.

  
  

  Sending a big hug your way - I bet you could use it.

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• Madisonpenny member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_bm-issuekind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:c5b49dba-5e2e-4c53-9252-ed913c54a4caPost:99250f36-bee7-4c38-ba65-0d857ed021c7">Re: BM Issue....(kind of long)</a>:
  [QUOTE]Ok, I'll be honest.  I don't think that people should have to put their life on hold because you're getting married and I don't think you getting married and your brother having a baby have a lot to do with one another.  I also don't think it's fair to ask someone not to get pregnant because you're getting married. You do have every right to be upset that you've lost 2 bridesmaids :(  I'm sorry about that.  But they are both situations out of your control.  Like you say your cousin can't do anything about it and your SIL will be on bedrest. Now what would suck is if your SIL didn't let your brother come to the wedding bc she's on bedrest.  Does she have a mom that can stay with her that day, a sister, a friend??  If yes, then I really hope she wouldn't do that.  If she did I personally wouldn't talk to either of them for a while. My brother and his FI announced their engagement 6 mos after me and were planning to get married before me and I probably wouldn't have been able to make it and FSIL did not give a rat's ass.  I think SILs suck.
  Posted by Nancy00714[/QUOTE]
  
  All of this.

  .

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• bells24412

  

  March 2012

  Well she has her mom and sister, but she still will probably force my brother to be with her. I do agree some SIL do suck!!
  
  But i am glad I got a 3rd party opinion because I can step back and see what I was getting upset about.
  
  Thank you all!

  

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• Rebis58 member

  

  March 2012 edited March 2012

  I agree with PPs about the pregnancy, I think it was unfair of your parents to ask them to wait in the first place, to be perfectly honest. I'm glad that you have gotten some outside perspective! I know sometimes it's hard to be objective when emotions are involved. We (general "we") tend to take things more personally when it comes from someone who has done other things to bother/hurt us, which it sounds like your SIL has done.

  
  

  I'm sorry you've lost two bridesmaids, that is really disappointing (except for the SIL... that will probably make your life easier), and I really hope she doesn't make your brother miss your wedding day, that would be awful of her. 

  
  

  ETA: Try to focus on the positives! You're marrying a wonderful man and you're welcoming a beautiful baby neice or nephew!

  

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• vikingmom806 member

  

  March 2012

  Really good point, RyansBeloved. I too have PCOS, and endometriosis. Having limited time to start a family with children is really a scary and heartbreaking thing. Something like that definitely could have played into the timing of her conception, or it could not even be a factor at all. Definitely something to think about.

  
  

  Again, I would definitely talk to your brother about it if you can. There may be no fault in her getting pregnant, but keeping your brother from attending your wedding is just plain wrong. Maybe you could give him a super-important wedding day job? <---that may be really bad advice, though, too.

  
  

  Good luck, and more hugs!

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• BmoreBride311 member

  

  March 2012

  100% agree with PPs. I'm kind of shocked that your parents even asked them to hold off on having a baby due to your wedding in the first place. That decision should really only be the parents (of the baby).
  
  As Michelle said, how do you know she will be on bedrest in July? My photographer is pregnant, due in September, and she is still planning to be at my wedding. Of course, I know there is definitely a chance she will have to cancel at the last minute, so we have a back-up plan, but lots of women are fine at 7 months. I would just remind your brother in a not-annoying way that you are really looking forward to them (i.e. him) being there, and encourage them to make their plans as normal to come.
  
  Good luck! I definitely get your frustration!

  

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• butterflyjumper1

  

  March 2012

  Nancy said it perfectly. You can't ask someone else to put their entire life on hold because you are getting married.  That being said, I don't understand how they know she will be on bedrest in July when she isn't due until September....perhaps things will change and she will be able to make it! and even if she can't, hopefully your brother can make it anyway. 

  
  

  So sorry about the bridesmaid situation, though. Do you have any other good friends who you could ask to step in as bridesmaids? it would really be sad to be short on girls because of these two situations.  

  
  

  Thinking of you girlie, xo

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• LADY324

  

  March 2012

  I agree with Nancy sorry Bells I don't think it was fair of your mom to ask them to put off a baby b/c of your wedding.  On the bright side you don't have to have her in your bridal party
  
  I would sit your brother down and tell him that you will be very upset if he does not come to your wedding.  I think she can handle being home alone for 1 night.  Is your reception close enough that your brother can drive home after the wedding? 

  

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• bells24412

  

  March 2012

  My Venue is 1hr away so it isn't that bad. I totally understand what you guys are saying. I am just going to talk to my brother about being there and hopefully everything works out. Again, thank you for the great advice.

  

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• Nancy00714 member

  

  March 2012

  And just in case she isn't on bed rest and can be in the bridal party and go to the wedding (joy!) i'm sure you can talk to a seamstress and maybe add a panel to her dress or something.  Just an idea

  

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• ajmom2two

  

  March 2012

  I agree with everything everyone else has said pretty much.  Hugs to you for the loss of 2 BM though!   Thats awful and what a terrible boss for your cousin!  I would be looking for a new job!  As for you FSIL I wonder if she is just a big drama queen!  Your post made it sound like she got pregnant asap bc her sister was, so she sounds like a center of attention kind of person.  The bed rest would obviously get her lots of attention!   Honestly its probably better for you that she not come.  I just hope your brother will still be there! 

  :)AJ

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