How many were your friends vs how many were his

lilfaeriebrat · May 2012

Not sure where to put stuff about guests list so hopefully it will be ok to put this here.

FI and I are slowly working on our guests list. I have a very small family (just my mom) and he has a bit larger family. Once I add the people I truly want at my wedding I have maybe 2 dozen people on my list. His list seems to be about 60 or more. His family alone is more than my family and close friends. I started adding people to my list just to make it bigger and comparable to his but I don't know if I really want some of those people there. How did your guest list come out wth his list to your list?

ErinG93 · May 2012

We didn't really keep track. We have mostly mutual friends, so that was easy. My family is way, WAY bigger than my H's, so technically I had more guests.

I don't really think you need to pad your guest list just to make it comparable to your FI's. Just invite who you want and don't worry about whose side is bigger.

ETA: Obviously don't invite over your maximum amount of guests allowed. I didn't make that too clear, hah!

Starmusica · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-many-were-your-friends-vs-how-many-were-his?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:72e4466d-f398-4c13-bb45-d919d37a9fd5Post:d3300059-e565-4eae-b3c7-02cf1a25b418">How many were your friends vs how many were his</a>:
[QUOTE]Not sure where to put stuff about guests list so hopefully it will be ok to put this here. FI and I are slowly working on our guests list. I have a very small family (just my mom) and he has a bit larger family. Once I add the people I truly want at my wedding I have maybe 2 dozen people on my list. His list seems to be about 60 or more. His family alone is more than my family and close friends. <strong>I started adding people to my list just to make it bigger and comparable to his but I don't know if I really want some of those people there. How did your guest list come out wth his list to your list?</strong>
Posted by lilfaeriebrat[/QUOTE]

I am confused. You just stated he has a bigger family, which is why he has a bigger list. Why do you feel like you need to invite random people to have an equal amount? Is there any reason this matters?

I have a slightly bigger family so we had more family on my side but we never really said I have X # of friends and you have X # of friends.. we consider them all OUR friends...

LDYGTR13 · May 2012

We didn't split it up like "his list" "my list" - he gave me his family and people he would be sad if they weren't invited and then I added my family and people I'd be upset if they were'nt there...then we added our mutual friends and family folks.

LP11509 · May 2012

I wouldn't worry about it. If you're concerned about the ceremony "sides" looking balanced, you don't have to have a grooms side/brides side. Just have people sit where ever they want. That seems more common these days anyway.

I have a bigger family than H. I also have a large group of friends from HS that i have stayed close with, friends from 2 different undergraduate universities, friends from grad school, friends from Ohio where I worked after grad school, and friends from where I was working when we got engaged. H has a smaller family and only kept in touch with a few HS/college friends. When we first made the list, he looked a little hurt, but he quickly got over it and realized that most of "my" friends are now his friends, too.

It'll be fine, I promise.

semplesarah · May 2012

We have been together so long that we dont really have his and her friends aside from maybe a few co-workers. We havent married yet, but when we do I am sure it wont matter who had more as long as OUR friends and family are there to share in the love we have for one another.

Lambbop · May 2012

Don't worry about having lists that are the same size!! Focus on quality of people, not on quantity.

Don't invite people you don't truly want there, because you can't take back an invitation!

anna.oskar · May 2012

A don't really have friends at all so outside of family, almost all the extra guests were his. There is no need to invite rano people just to make the sides seem even.

cheeseandrice · May 2012

I just opened our invite list.

H had 84 people

I had 126

We had 40 that fell in 'mutual friends'.

I never really thought about it being 'uneven' though. My dad paid for part of the reception, so he invited some work friends, which fell under my list.

semplesarah · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_how-many-were-your-friends-vs-how-many-were-his?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:72e4466d-f398-4c13-bb45-d919d37a9fd5Post:99a2bc29-54ce-4a3a-9c29-1705553a34d3">Re: How many were your friends vs how many were his</a>:
[QUOTE]A don't really have friends at all so outside of family, almost all the extra guests were his. There is no need to invite rano people just to make the sides seem even.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

Totally off subject but, BUZZINGA! I love it love it love it!!!

sweetredhead · May 2012

I have a big family, H only has his immediate family due to his parents actions. We got married in my hometown at the churc we have attended since I was 6. My list was so much larger than his. We didn't care. Everyone just sat together no brides side/ grooms side. No one cared or noticed.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

My list was primarily family, his was mostly friends (most friends I have are through him anyway). We never reallly thought of it as who had more, just who we wanted to invite.

SarahPLiz · May 2012

We had 75 people at our wedding. This consisted of approximately 10 people who were connected only to DH. The rest were my family and friends.

It doesn't have to be equal. At all. As long as the people there are the ones you want to be there, who cares if it is 10 or 100.

dannie134 · May 2012

I remember thinking about this, mostly because I was worried about inviting too many people and putting us over our numbers, so when we needed to cut back I tried to be conscious of how many non-family members were on each side. Family is what it is, so there's no changing that!

I agree with PP, I could see if you were close to your max numbers trying to cut from his side first, but not the other way around (adding people to try to even it up) - invite the people you want to celebrate your marriage with, and you will be good to go!

azdancer8 · May 2012

DH's side of the guest list was at least twice as many people as mine, simply because his extended family is so much bigger than mine. Most of the friends were mutual, so it was never even an issue for us.

laurenoliveira23 · May 2012

my fiance has a bout 20 on his side (family and friends) and i have almost 70! lol his family is smaller than mine + he doesnt even really know most of his family

just the way it is. im just glad my fiance is ready to embrace my rather large and crazy family hahah

bonge · May 2012

I just wrote out my family, my friends, his family, his friends. Started out with every single one & we were well on our way to 400, then i took the ones out we couldn't bother with. I ended up left with 230, can't tell ya how many are on each side, went with who we want there & who HAS to be invited (to spare feelings, grandparents, aunts etc). That's what is important, not who has how many.

lilfaeriebrat · May 2012

Thanks everyone, it's not random people that I added to the list to even it out. It's people I havent' talked to in a few years or co-workers that I've known for a long time but don't know if I really want them there. My mind was on the rows and rows of people that will be on his side and the 2 or 3 rows of people on my side but if people don't really do sides anymore then that helps make me feel better.

futuremrsbruno · May 2012

You do not want to make this about who's list is longer. Invite people to your (plural) wedding. They are coming to see both of you.

My FI and I hsve roughly the same size families. My family, however, has more family friends that we see all the time. We also have more mutual friends than we do seperate friends. At first he was upset because my personal friends list was longer than his. Once we got into more of the planning, that small detail fell by the wayside. Also, when I uploaded my list to the knot's guest list manager, I was able to seperate everyone into groups. Turns out he has more family than I do, and everything else just sort of worked itself out.

Invite who you really want to be there and leave the rest off, despite what your number ends up being. It's about the 2 of you, not just you or him having more people!

How many were your friends vs how many were his

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