Need Advice

Re: Need Advice

• niklynn622 member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  We have been going through a similar situation. My partner's sister in law is a very opininated person who unfriended her on Facebook and then basically sent her an email saying she's known all along that she was gay and that our marriage isn't real...blah blah blah....standing up on her high and mighty pulpit...Anyway, through all of this my partner's mom (who has always been nothing but supportive) said that she didn't believe in gay marriage. That was a total shock and blow to our excitement. She told her that she didn't understand why we were spending all this money...However, we just had our shower on Sunday and things seem to be going a different way. First off, she had been emailing one of my bridesmaids and apparantly was excited about the shower. Also, we were at her house one night for dinner and she was totally into looking through jewelery trying to find something "borrowed." And to top it all off inside our card at the shower she said, "two daughters is twice as nice as having one." So, to make it short and simple: give them time. I think families sometimes need to just realize that this is ok. My mom told me that it wasn't what she had always expected or planned, but she is just as happy as can be!
  You will get through all of this and just remember that on your special day you want those around you who want to share in the joys with you!
  
  Nicole

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• 2dBride member

  

  April 2010 edited December 2011

  One of the things to remember about marriage is that it is a very public event.  When you are just partners, you can sort of fudge things by referring to her as your "friend," "roommate," or even "girlfriend."  However, if you call her your "wife," people will know right away what the nature of your relationship is.
  
  That has its good points and its bad points.  On the positive side, people who are themselves married may come around when they see you doing the same kinds of things they did.  I have one friend who thought civil unions were enough until he saw my wife and me in our wedding dresses.  At that point, he suddenly "got" (on an emotional level) why marriage was so important to us.
  
  On the negative side, those relative who don't already know you are gay are likely to figure it out.
  
  What this means for you is that you definitely want to invite your parents, if you want to have any kind of relationship with them afterward.  You can't be telling them both that this is an event as important to you as marriage would be to any straight person, but also that it is something you are going to do while they are not looking.  If they aren't emotionally up to coming, they don't have to, but you really have to extend the invitation.
  
  Outside of your immediate family, you can just send them invitations.  Those who disapprove will likely not come.  But you may be surprised at who in the family does want to celebrate with you.
  

  
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