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Who's "job" is it?

HippinhipsterHippinhipster member
100 Comments
in Pre-wedding Parties
I say "job" because I know it really isn't anyone's "job" to throw me a party it's a gift not a right and all that. But I've come across a problem with some of my BM's. First off my MOH (sister) and one of my BM don't get along... well actually my sister doesn't get along with any of my BM's or me much anymore for that matter but she's my sister so I made her MOH. I know bad choice but it's done so now I have to deal with it.

Anyway when I got engaged my one of my BMs (bff) said she was going to throw me a shower and bach party and all that and was super excited about it! But a few months later my MOH (sister) started talking about what she was going to do for my shower. I mentioned to her that someone else (not saying who) had offered to throw me a shower and she freaked! Yelling about how it was her job and her right and she was the only one that was throwing me a shower. And me being the controversy hating person I am said fine and told BFF that my sister was throwing the shower but that she could still do the bach party if she wanted. She was sad but understood how my sister gets and was fine with it. I then told my sister that BFF was planning the bach party and she could do the shower. She just said whatever and blew it off.

Now months later she's asking for a guest list for the shower and bach party... ummm! I reminded her BFF was taking care of the bach party and she freaked out again about how its the MOH's duty and she should be in charge of it.

So question... is it really her "right" should she have first dibs on pre-wedding parties? Should I have not told BBF in the first place she could throw me a party. I don't want to take this away from her she's be planning it for months already and is so excited about it. But I didn't want to breach etiquette by giving away rights to the party if they really are for the MOH

Thanks for your help ladies
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Re: Who's "job" is it?

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    It's neither anyone's right or duty to throw the shower or bp. You didn't breach etiquette by accepting your friend's offer.

                       
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Anyone can throw showers or parties!  Don't worry.

    And wow - I love your dress.

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  • cwallis85cwallis85 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Agreed! There is no reason for you sister to act like that.  It is your wedding and you have the right to accept the gift (your BFF throwing the BP)! I am throwing one of my BM's a BP (she is getting married in about a month) and I am not her MOH.
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  • ajroarkajroark
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I think offering to host pre-wedding parties is a "first come, first served" kind of thing. Your BFF offered to host it first and you should tell your sister that since your BFF offered first and you had no idea your sister was even interested in planning one, you're going to let your BFF host it. If your sister rambles about how it's the MOH's "duty" to host the shower/bach party, tell her politely that it is actually no one's "duty", it is whoever expresses an interest first.

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  • HippinhipsterHippinhipster member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies! I just didn't want to be in the wrong here and not know about it :)
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  • ADTonkADTonk
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Not gonna lie, when I saw the title I thought you were going to be some BSC bridezilla.  I'm glad that's not the case :)

    Like PP's said, it's no one's "job".  USUALLY if one bridesmaid plans the shower, the rest of them all chip in and work together to get everything done.  I've done this for friends and it has worked out well.  Sometimes the MOB or MOG hosts the shower as well.  In that case it's still acceptable for the BM's to help out.  IMO if two people want to throw a shower, it would be easier for them to work together.

    Without getting into the situation too much (you shouldn't have to worry about this!) I would kindly suggest that if the BM and MOH (and other BM's if they've offered) both want to plan your prewedding parties, that maybe they could work together to make it easier and more cost effective for the both of them.  I would even make a list of all of the BM's names, numbers, and email addresses and tell them that they can all get in contact to see who wants to help.
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_whos-job?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7938fd79-92e0-435c-be1d-eddd1588db6cPost:2eea32fe-b5d7-46c2-a0be-f16aa9ac16b9">Re: Who's "job" is it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyone can throw showers or parties!  Don't worry. And wow - I love your dress.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. Seriously your dress is beautiful!</div>
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  • HippinhipsterHippinhipster member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_whos-job?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:7938fd79-92e0-435c-be1d-eddd1588db6cPost:55c6344a-0035-4214-84ac-bd0bc990cffd">Re: Who's "job" is it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Who's "job" is it? : This. Seriously your dress is beautiful!
    Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]


    Aww thanks girls :)
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