Missing shower gift or did they not give a present?

Denise&Andy · May 2011

Hi, I recently had my shower and noticed that two of the invitees did not give presents. It is possible that my bridesmaids screwed up writing which gift came from whom. I am paranoid aobut not sending a thank you to someone who gave a gift, but don't want to come across as being rude or digging for a gift if indeed they didn't bring one. I was thinking of sending an email to double check and try and get the wording right, or do I just let it lie, they probably just didn't give a gift......

hlq2011 · May 2011

Don't send an email. They may have shipped something (which my bridesmaid did). They may be giving something later. Maybe something did get mixed up.

If they did give you something and don't get a thank-you, you may hear about it from a family member or friend. But sending an email to double check makes you sound like a gift-grabby brat, even thought that's not your intention.

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

Ask your mom or bridesmaids if they remember anything. They may not have given a gift. if they did not, or your BM's don't remember, just send a note thanking them for coming. Do not ask the guests about it.

thesequel · May 2011

Ask those who made the list. They will know. If you contact them - it may look gift-grabby, especially if they did not give you a gift.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

I find it odd that someone would attend a shower w/o a gift.

ajroark · May 2011

While I don't think you should contact them, I am wondering why someone would come to a shower without bringing a gift...?

SirJuliusVonHaast · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_missing-shower-gift-did-not-give-present?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab419f62-3de7-4877-9cf3-cf8aca1f3404Post:d4e368ae-0702-4446-b12f-bd72b39c1810">Re: Missing shower gift or did they not give a present?</a>:
[QUOTE]While I don't think you should contact them, I am wondering why someone would come to a shower without bringing a gift...?
Posted by ajroark[/QUOTE]

<div>I would worry that they came and brought a share gift and only one name was written down. Like two sisters or a mother/daughter went in on a gift, and the BMs only wrote one name down? </div><div>
</div><div>(still wouldn't send an e-mail about it though)</div>

StacyJenniges · May 2011

If they attended your shower send a thank you note for attending your shower and making your day special. If they did get a gift and you did not mention it in your thank you then I would assume they would question you about it, making sure you got the gift they gave. If they did not give a gift you still showed your graditude for them taking time out of their schedule to attend your shower.

It is strange that they did not bring a gift, but if they were in a finacial bind they may still have wanted to show their support. They may have only been able to give a card.

AbbeyS2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_missing-shower-gift-did-not-give-present?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab419f62-3de7-4877-9cf3-cf8aca1f3404Post:9c48a6e5-8a49-45e8-b7ed-ac652698e491">Re: Missing shower gift or did they not give a present?</a>:
[QUOTE]If they attended your shower send a thank you note for attending your shower and making your day special. If they did get a gift and you did not mention it in your thank you then I would assume they would question you about it, making sure you got the gift they gave. If they did not give a gift you still showed your graditude for them taking time out of their schedule to attend your shower. It is strange that they did not bring a gift, but if they were in a finacial bind they may still have wanted to show their support. They may have only been able to give a card.
Posted by StacyJenniges[/QUOTE]

This.

I have been in the position where I gave the bride-to-be a gift later on, instead of the day of the shower. However, I let her know this at the shower that her gift was arriving at a future date.

Karen's MOH · May 2011

My friend just had a shower and had this happen. Apparently, this gir has done it before, so the bridesmaids were extra careful to make sure they didn't miss it. Nope, she just showed up and didn't give a gift.

I think a TY note saying thanks for coming only is the way to go. If she did give you something, she will tell you. But, that's really weird. I always send a gift even if I don't go.

janinekk · May 2011

It is very possible that they just didn't bring a gift. I would defintely not email them, because if they didn't bring a gift it would be a very akward situation for them if you brought it up.

I understand that the point of a shower is to bring gifts, but sometimes people can't afford to do so. A few years ago a friend of mine got married. They had a bridal shower, couples shower, and stock the bar party. On top of that, we went out of town for the bachelorette party and then obviously, attended the wedding. Expecting people to spend that kind of money (by giving 4 gifts and paying for the bachelorette party) to be part of your special day is a bit much. IMO

srfgirlie5 · May 2011

Like someone said above sometimes people will go in on gifts together so that they can give something nicer than what they'd normally be able to afford. I team up with my sister at showers and such all the time.

I wouldn't say anything to the ones that you're not sure about. Maybe they had some tough financial situations, forgot it at home or like someone else said it could be in the mail. I don't think there's a good way to say it to them or anyone as a matter of fact. Even though it's not your intention to be gift grabby it's sure easy to come off that way.

I would just write thank you notes for coming to the people you're not sure about. All your bases will be covered if you do that.

Missing shower gift or did they not give a present?

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