Why are some people in here rude?

lililuvsrocky · June 2010

So I am a budget bride...why? because I AM a student and will continue being a grad student after my FI and I get married - we are actually going to be attending grad school this coming Spring together. I just don't understand of why people think is rude to cut down on "traditional ideals of a wedding" such as an open bar and stuff. I mean, seriously... some people in here might have a good job, their parents are paying for everything or their FI has a good job, but it is extremely hard to get married and be a student at the same time especially when we are not getting any financial aid, and yet these people sit and complain about my reception? If you are a student and going to get married and pay for everything yourself... you will know what I mean

Don't get me wrong I will make sure my guests are taken care of EXCEPT when it comes to open bar...I will only be hosting NON-alcholic drinks because alcohol is very expensive!

aggiebug · June 2010

People are very opinionated and blunt on some of these boards, and just a warning they search all boards and will eventually find this thread.

As far as the alcohol, I personally am having a cash bar (with 2 bottles of wine on every table) Its socially acceptable in my circle and my dad doesn't want the guilty conscious or liability of someone driving drunk after his party- he's paying so that's how it will be! However the ladies totally against the cash bar do have a point; you are the host and they are the guests. Would you give them pay for a drink if they came to your house? It is some what of a double standard. There are many budget brides that make the alcohol affordable, yes you have to be creative, and yes you have to cut a guest list, you just need to choose your priorities.

lililuvsrocky · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_people-here-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:f656bb28-c9b1-4298-8b87-467d53a63a34Post:bde2b747-e525-4796-868c-9cde6c5bb8ea">Re: Why are some people in here rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]People are very opinionated and blunt on some of these boards, and just a warning they search all boards and will eventually find this thread. As far as the alcohol, I personally am having a cash bar (with 2 bottles of wine on every table) Its socially acceptable in my circle and my dad doesn't want the guilty conscious or liability of someone driving drunk after his party- he's paying so that's how it will be! However the ladies totally against the cash bar do have a point; you are the host and they are the guests. Would you give them pay for a drink if they came to your house? It is some what of a double standard. There are many budget brides that make the alcohol affordable, yes you have to be creative, and yes you have to cut a guest list, you just need to choose your priorities.
Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]

thank you! - our hall at the bar doesn't allow us to take in outside alcohol b/c they will be loosing profit so if I had the open bar I had to basically pay about $1K to have a bar in where people are comfortable and happy w/free drinks...SOOO we just decided to have non alcoholic drinks thanks for being so nice about this thread :)

lililuvsrocky · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_people-here-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:f656bb28-c9b1-4298-8b87-467d53a63a34Post:55f32727-d2fb-4b3c-aca6-b7599a581cc0">Re: Why are some people in here rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]People are very opinionated and blunt on some of these boards, and just a warning they search all boards and will eventually find this thread. Uh oh. I called everyone the Not Engaged Yet board a bitch. Eep.
Posted by slowdancin2rock[/QUOTE]

aww!

LauraT25 · June 2010

Well, my FI and I are both grad students and are getting only a little help from our parents (for which we are extremely grateful) and we're having an open bar. We had a long-ish engagement, figured out how much the wedding we wanted would cost and then how long it would take us to save, and went from there.

I do think it's a good idea to offer something to your guests, even if it means having beer and wine only or a cash bar. I'm by no means a heavy drinker but I would rather pay for a drink in a social setting (as long as I know ahead of time to bring cash!) than just drink water all night, since that's the only non-alcoholic beverage I drink.

lililuvsrocky · June 2010

I agree with you Laura

the bad thing about us that we have been engaged for hmm...about 6 months (I know its a little bit of time) ... and the budget is tight...but we decided if we have the money we will see how much is the beer at the bar and depending on that then we will decided whether or not to have an open bar w/limited beer since we can't have outside drinks.

LauraT25 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_people-here-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:f656bb28-c9b1-4298-8b87-467d53a63a34Post:7eac5b0a-3331-4692-a59d-a8328af5cf25">Re: Why are some people in here rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with you Laura :) the bad thing about us that we have been engaged for hmm...about 6 months (I know its a little bit of time) ... and the budget is tight...but we decided if we have the money we will see how much is the beer at the bar and depending on that then we will decided whether or not to have an open bar w/limited beer since we can't have outside drinks.
Posted by lililuvsrocky[/QUOTE]

I re-read my post and I wasn't trying to be combative, in case it came off that way, just pointing out another side. We were engaged almost 2 years and my FI had some savings leftover from the 'engagement ring fund' since Zales wound up giving him a discount. I know it's not a viable option for everyone!

Brittany&Chris · June 2010

Finally someone said it! I don't understand the huge problem with not funding other ppl to get trashed. While we are providing 3 btls of wine per table a total of $600, I saw no reason to have an open bar and go broke, my cousin had an open bar and ppl took advantage and got wasted..its not worth it to jeopardize your day to make someone else happy, stay strong! If ppl are that hell bent on having a drink tell them to pay for it. it won't kill them to be sober for a few hours..

Britt

lililuvsrocky · June 2010

Yea my cousin's wedding ...mmm..she got slapped and hit by my cousin in law's cousin (not to mention HE IS A GUY) - sooooo yea I don't want that to happen to me..I'll stick with champange

LauraT25 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_people-here-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:f656bb28-c9b1-4298-8b87-467d53a63a34Post:0cf4c5ec-637d-4781-a4c1-63272255d1bc">Re: Why are some people in here rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yea my cousin's wedding ...mmm..she got slapped and hit by my cousin in law's cousin (not to mention HE IS A GUY) - sooooo yea I don't want that to happen to me..I'll stick with champange :)
Posted by lililuvsrocky[/QUOTE]

When I first read this, I was thinking, "Who the heck invites their cousin-in-law's cousin to their wedding?" but then I realized it would be the groom's cousin. Duh.

kitkatherine · June 2010

Meh - it's all about different people.
We know people who are doing no alcohol - it was just too much and the poor guy is doing school AND working two jobs on top of school - they can't do it. It's fine - people will just be happy for you. Do what you want.
Sometimes people's opinions just aren't worth it, yknow?

Patineuse1124 · June 2010

It depends on your circle of friends, but generally there is an open bar at weddings, so when there isn't it really stands out, some people may complain about it. A good compromise may be to have an open bar for half of the time, or even for an hour, and serve only wine and beer (usually cheaper). The people most likely to complain are people who in this case would stock up on drinks during the open bar part of the evening.

diamondx423 · June 2010

keep in mind that many of these boards are national, and in some areas of the country the open bar is standard. every venue i've looked at 5 hour premium open bar is included in your package. those that are 12-20 years old are generally $15 less since they won't be drinking. to be honest, if i went to a wedding that was a cash bar or no bar at all i would be miserable because that is what is standard to me.

also, many people struggle to pay for their weddings and don't always show much empathy. FI and I are both in graduate school and are very grateful for financial help from our families, but we are having a rather long engagement and "more time to save" is one of the reasons why.

Mioh1 · June 2010

We wanted an open bar but it was out of our budget. What we did was that if they want to drink beers/soda/juice we are paying for it so they don't have to drink water all night. But if they want mixed drinks or anything with liquor they would have to pay for it.

M1ssJ · June 2010

Hun I completely understand. You could also only serve non-alch drinks and one sig. drink. or Im think a brunch (breakfast food is sooooooo cheap and only serve mimosas). But honestly if they're REAL friends and family they already know your story and shouldn't be offended.

Narwhal · June 2010

You know what, slowdancing?

For us to be bitches, you sure do stick around and "try to get along."

We just said that you were immature and probably should take your time in your relationship. And if you're trash talking us directly to other boards, then you're really just proving our point.

And OP, do whatever your budget allows you to do, although it would probably be better etiquette to have just wine and beer than a cash bar.

ETA: I see now that you're not having alcoholic beverages at all. I think that is perfectly acceptable.

catemeg · June 2010

I'm someone who will have a "wine and beer only" reception because we have alcoholics (recovering and active) on both sides of the family, and honestly I don't want to see shots at my wedding or anyone falling over on the dance floor. Still possible with beer and wine, but a lot easier to mitigate.

Someone suggested the idea of having 3 bottles of wine per table - I think that's a fabulous idea if you're on a budget! That way they can have some wine with dinner or to toast your wedding, but you aren't supplying limitless bounties of alcohol. I do agree if you have it in your budget you should put it towards your guests comfort (i.e. food, alcohol, and music) before you start indulging yourself in more expensive gowns, accessories, transportation, etc.

But if you truly have a small budget, then either don't have alcohol at all or have a few bottles placed on the tables. Or wine/beer only is much cheaper than a full open bar. All viable options, and all fully acceptable.

And slowdancin... really? You're ridiculous. If anyone (not just us) read the little girl drama defensive bullshit that you were spewing, you'd have gotten just as honest answers. The suggestion that you should enjoy your relationship and not try to pre-plan your wedding before your boyfriend is ready is really not such a bitchy thing to suggest.

oceana919 · June 2010

[QUOTE]But if you truly have a small budget, then either don't have alcohol at all or have a few bottles placed on the tables. Or wine/beer only is much cheaper than a full open bar. All viable options, and all fully acceptable.[/QUOTE]

This.

[QUOTE]Uh oh. I called everyone the Not Engaged Yet board a bitch. Eep. [/QUOTE]

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/6/8b555f07-7bd8-4d8b-a6d5-98abf9409338.large.png" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '8b555f07-7bd8-4d8b-a6d5-98abf9409338', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/11/6/8b555f07-7bd8-4d8b-a6d5-98abf9409338.medium.png" alt="" /></a>

I know I'm an uppity b*tch - what's your excuse?

PaigeMcC · June 2010

OP - I think hosting non-alcoholic beverages is fine! Do whatever you are comfortable with and don't break the bank on one day.

Slowdancin' if you want to see bitch I would suggest that you head over the NEY now. We gave you honest advice and you took offense to it. It's not our fault that you didn't like what we had to say. Not everyone is going to agree with you. That's life.

Oh and if we were such bitches then why did you keep posting on NEY for days after you supposedly called us out? B/c you did. You stuck around and played nice for days after that. The mature thing to do would have been to respectfully disagree with the board and move on. You took it personally and got your panties in a twist. Then you came over here and, very maturely (where is that sarcasm font?!), called us bitches. Yes we are going to find your post - many of us are students and frequent this board. Grow up.

nicholemhughes · June 2010

Aww I was so excited for this website before I realized it was a bunch of grown women fighting:(

slowdancin2rock · June 2010

You know, people warned me that the NEY board was crazy but I didn't listen. I made this stupid comment after I first joined and obviously had a lapse in judgement. I am enjoying my relationship. I love my relationship. I joined NEY because I wasn't engaged yet, but I know that's where we are headed. I am not booking venues, or trying on dresses or giving my boyfriend an ultimatum. I know I flew off the handle but I don't feel like making amends on a board full of uptight women who are so ready to kiss each other's asses and start high school drama - and I'm the immature one? You guys can go PM each other all you want, be "uppity bitches" if that gets you off, and oh yeah, eff yourselves. I'm sure most of you don't even have a stable relationship.

And catemeg? I'm REALLY about to take advice from someone who has "booze" listed as one of their favorite things, complete with a drink in each hand. You look retarded.

Narwhal · June 2010

Oh, so you are buggalo.

k.

Goldlie11 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_people-here-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:f656bb28-c9b1-4298-8b87-467d53a63a34Post:5f1d6381-e8cb-462f-9b05-5c8c6fc1667d">Re: Why are some people in here rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, people warned me that the NEY board was crazy but I didn't listen. I made this stupid comment after I first joined and obviously had a lapse in judgement. I am enjoying my relationship. I love my relationship. I joined NEY because I wasn't engaged yet, but I know that's where we are headed. I am not booking venues, or trying on dresses or giving my boyfriend an ultimatum. I know I flew off the handle but I don't feel like making amends on a board full of uptight women who are so ready to kiss each other's asses and start high school drama - and I'm the immature one? You guys can go PM each other all you want, be "uppity bitches" if that gets you off, and oh yeah, eff yourselves. I'm sure most of you don't even have a stable relationship. And catemeg? I'm REALLY about to take advice from someone who has "booze" listed as one of their favorite things, complete with a drink in each hand. You look retarded.
Posted by slowdancin2rock[/QUOTE]
Wow!

sexymander · June 2010

Ok.... gonna ignore the drama. My fiance and I are having a no alcohol reception. It's too much cost and neither of us drink so we don't see the point. If people come and get mad we aren't having alcohol, then they came to the wedding for the wrong reason.

gdsvr2 · June 2010

LOL!! Man, why is everyone fighting, gang banging and calling each other names?? Thought that was for facebook! C'mon ladies, this website is supposed to be about getting our stresses out regarding our wedding plans and such. Not to beef with other brides. If you dont like what someone has to say, just block them and dont look for trouble. Why even entertain the blog by commenting? It's just a vicious cycle that wont end and no one wins. Dont we all have enough on our plates as is?! Most of us dont even know each other and we just confirm what men and other women (such as myself) say about women being around each other are so damn catty!! This is some bullshit!! Just joined the website and this is definitely NOT what I was expecting!!

Regarding the reception, do what ever makes you and your fiance happy!!! Its your day, your wedding, your reception, your memories and ultimately your life!!! Enjoy it the way you please. Never allow anyone to dictate the direction you view your vision going; big or small!

krissymcmahon · July 2010

I have to kinda agree that some people on here go a little overboard. Maybe it's just all the stress they have in their lives and this is the only place they have to vent.

Anyway, I've never even been or heard of a wedding being open bar in my area. I've never been to one that was open. It's ridiculous to spend that amount of money so people can take advantage of you. We have two alcoholics in our family who would take advantage of free drinks. It's also not fair to be like "oh no alcohol because two people are idiots with no self control!" So, people can pay. If they have a problem - they can leave. Everyone knows we're students and nobody in my town would have an open bar anyway. Too many "crashers" would try to get in and drink you dry. Price everything reasonably and you're fine. I've never heard anyone complain about stag prices or booze at a wedding reception. I'm a bartender so I hear all the complaints about pretty much everything and anything.

Why are some people in here rude?

Re: Why are some people in here rude?

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