Catholic Weddings

Convalidation - ?? help ??

My husband of 8 years has recently gone back to the Catholic faith, and although I was raised as a protestant, I have decided to convert (I am still in the RCIA classes).

Recently while meeting with the priest about the 3 kids' baptism, the fact that our civil marriage is not recognized by the church came up. So now we are getting married in the church. This is a HUGE deal do my DH and his mom.

Part 1 ) I don't really know what I should wear. I thought about getting a simple red dress, but DH doesn't like that idea. I considered wearing the dress I wore to our civil wedding, it looks better on my now than it did the first time around, but with 3 kids, and it being considered to be sort of a renewal by some, some people I've spoken with say that a floor-length white gown is inappropriate. I found an adorable ivory tea-length dress, matches the flower-girl-style Easter dresses that I found for my 7 and 2 year old girls when they stand up with us, but my DH thinks that it's too short (it's knee length on the model, but I'm only 5'1).

I am very new to everything, I don't even know what's appropriate. Someone said a taylored suit, but that's just not me at all. I'm 33 and still feel 25 style-wise. Taylored suit says "Powerful professional woman" or "retirement age." I would be happy in a sundress. Our parish is super-casual. I've seen women wearing things I thought were incredibly inappropriate at mass (extremely tight, shorts that barely covered their bottoms).

Part 2) I don't want to offend anyone. I know in the eyes of the Church, we are "not getting a renewal, but getting married for the first time," (this is a new thing - our priest's words). The priest said that we could make it as small or as big as we wanted. I want our close family and friends, especially our Catholic friends there, but nothing more than that. The wording for inviting them would be something like "We request the gift of your presence as we reaffirm our vows and share in the celebration of the sacriment of marriage." Hoping to make it clear that we do not want gifts.

Any insight and info on either or both fronts would be appreciated.

P.S.  Here is a picture of us on our civil wedding day

 

Re: Convalidation - ?? help ??

  • Welcome to the Church! I think the knee-length dress sounds perfect. It sounds like it would be more like tea-length on you because of your height, which is great for a small ceremony. Can you try it on and see how it looks?
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  • I think any outfit that you feel beautiful in is appropriate. It should also match the formality of the rest of the event. There are no rules, though I always think modest attire is necessary/most appropriate in church (no matter what other people may do).

    As for your guests, I would just make sure that you have some sort of "reception" whether it is cake and coffe/punch in the Church hall, or a backyard BBQ or a meal at a restaurant or whatever. I wouldn't say a word about gifts, but some people may ask and some people may give them anyway. Just be gracious about the whole thing.

    I think your invite wording sounds fine, but don't think you need fancy invites unless you are going all out with making this a full-blown wedding.

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  • i would wear a nice dress that fits your style of a suit is not what you feel comfrotable in.  i personally would avoid red, but that's just me. 

    you shouldnt make any mention of gifts on an invitation, even if its to send a message of "no gifts".  you really dont even need to send out formal invitations for this, but you can certainly do so if you wish.

    i think its wonderful your husband is returning to his faith and that you are going to join him on this journey!
  • Congrats! I agree with the tea-length dress (I wouldn't wear red). I think the key word with everything from the attire to the type of party is 'modest'. You are getting married in the Church for the first time, so it is an occassion to celebrate, but since you already had a large wedding reception when you were civilly married, I would keep this celebration scaled-back... modest ;-)

    Please stick around and join in our chats and discussions! I would love to hear more about your experience with RCIA- good and bad!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_convalidation-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:c0d260a0-4e6b-483e-8fd3-a5c7bb927552Post:0fd5f7e8-acd6-4fbc-8f22-e07e64a13323">Re: Convalidation - ?? help ??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Congrats! I agree with the tea-length dress (I wouldn't wear red). I think the key word with everything from the attire to the type of party is 'modest'. You are getting married in the Church for the first time, so it is an occassion to celebrate,<strong> but since you already had a large wedding reception when you were civilly married</strong>, I would keep this celebration scaled-back... modest ;-) Please stick around and join in our chats and discussions! I would love to hear more about your experience with RCIA- good and bad!
    Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

    We eloped when we got civilly married.  I don't know how you got the impression that we had a large reception then.
  • i too assumed you had a reception when you married since you had a nice gown and it appears your H is in a tux.

    but regardless, i think a large blow out isnt really appropirate for a convalidation - i think doing a nice meal out (and even a cake, although id refrain from doing a formal cutting) with your immediate families is perfectly fine.
  • I think it's fine to have a substantial celebration for a convalidation because, as her priest said, it's as though they're really getting married for the first time.  It obviously has a lot to do with the individual situation, and OP doesn't really seem that "in" to a big to-do.

    I think everyone's advice on attire and the gift situation is great.  Welcome to the church!
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  • Tami87Tami87 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2012
    Congrats!

    As for the attire I really think it is up to you and what you will be comfortable wearing. I agree that you should generally dress modestly for church (ie shoulders covered etc), but I think your original bridal gown with the wrap would be perfectly appropriate for church and I wouldn't side-eye you for wearing it again. IMO it's not like you are doing a PPD or reenactment of your civil wedding. It has been 8 years and I think it is perfectly appropriate to celebrate your husband returning to his faith your conversion and getting married in the church!  Although if you would feel more comfortable in another dress the knee length dress sounds great too. Also I think a formal dress in another color would look lovely as well. I think this one is really up to you.

    Your invitation wording sounds fine to me. And as previous posters mentioned I would have some type of reception for those who attend. I think this can be as simple or as formal as you want, as long as you have something for your guests and thank them for attending. Also if you want to throw the big party with dinner and dancing, again I wouldn't side-eye it. In my family this type of party is common for 25th or 50th wedding anniversaries. I do agree that any type of spotlight dances or formal cake cutting should be skipped though. I would probably feel differently if it had been a year or less since your civil ceremony or I thought it was a redo, but in your case I see nothing wrong with having a big celebration if that is what you want.
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  • Sorry - I made the same assumption as Calypso, based on your picture!! Also - it is pretty typical that wedding ceremonies are followed by large celebrations. I do apologize.

    I guess I would still keep it modest.... totally my opinion, but you had a civil ceremony and have been living as a married couple for a while, so I personally wouldn't throw a typical large, formal reception with a DJ and open-bar.
  • I want to thank everyone for your input.

    I talked with my DH and MIL last night.  They both think it's too early to start planning anything (unrealistic ideas about making reservations for events in this area).  I told them how I feel about prefering to do something small, preferably either at a park, or at our house if they insist on serving champagne (don't want to deal with the red tape of serving alcohol at a public facility).  They seemed cool with it. 

    I realize now that this event is important to MIL and she may, indeed, feel like she has a little ownership in this.  So I need to help her out by giving her something to manage that I am not really concerned about.  I think I will talk to DH about having her do the readings. 

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