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Opening & using gifts question

[Deleted User][Deleted User]
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in Registry and Gift Forum

We got our first gift in the mail yesterday.  It was from a friend who couldn't make it to my shower (coming up in a little over two weeks) and sent me a griddle.  I was so excited and surprised because I didn't think most people sent gifts if they weren't going to make it to the shower.

Anyway, FI was so excited to use it (ok for me to cook him something on it, lol).  And I said "I'm not sure but I thought you couldn't use any gifts til after the wedding."  And he said he thought that was stupid, and this was a shower gift anyway.

I know etiquette wise that if the wedding doesn't happen you're supposed to return the gifts.  Does this include shower gifts?  I have no doubt we'll get married (but I would hope most people wouldn't!) but am not sure if I'm supposed to use this or not.  I'm not worried about jinxing anything, just worried that it's bad etiquette (I'm kind of obsessed w/ etiquette on most things).

Thoughts?  Are you using your gifts once you open them?  (shower or wedding) If you aren't, is it because of etiquette or jinxing things?

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Re: Opening & using gifts question

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    jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    Shower gifts are in the same category as wedding gifts--proper etiquette is to wait until after the wedding to use them. 

    We are using some of our gifts--particularly cookbooks and some kitchen utensils.  If our wedding does not occur, we will reimburse the people who gave them to us.  Most gifts are sitting up in our attic until we get married. 
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    aegrishaegrish member
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    I'm using ours...I couldn't help it. 
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    ogrady88ogrady88 member
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    I always go back to, I'm not worried that FI is going to dump me...never going to happen.  But I've known two friends whose FIs died unexpectedly before their weddings, both of them after their showers (one was within weeks of their wedding).  They both said how they really wanted to remove any sign of the life that they were no longer going to share as quickly as possible.  I truly think about that every time I'm tempted to use our toaster.
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    aegrishaegrish member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_opening-using-gifts-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:275591e7-acd8-4546-a7c8-94cac3837d4aPost:334a8007-3a29-48cc-9764-aff00ddc6ab6">Re: Opening & using gifts question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I always go back to, I'm not worried that FI is going to dump me...never going to happen.  <strong>But I've known two friends whose FIs died unexpectedly before their weddings, both of them after their showers (one was within weeks of their wedding</strong>).  They both said how they really wanted to remove any sign of the life that they were no longer going to share as quickly as possible.  I truly think about that every time I'm tempted to use our toaster.
    Posted by ogrady88[/QUOTE]

    wow that is very sad.
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    ogrady88ogrady88 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_opening-using-gifts-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:275591e7-acd8-4546-a7c8-94cac3837d4aPost:9539c46d-5497-4dd5-97e3-bee7a21fd8ac">Re: Opening & using gifts question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Opening & using gifts question : wow that is very sad.
    Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I can't even imagine what it would be like.  They were both totally devastated.  But they both have since found new love and are both married and have children.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but it honestly makes me think about FI whenever I think about using gifts. Obviously people didn't request their gift back, but for both of them it was more about having the reminder of what wasn't going to be.
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    noodle_oonoodle_oo member
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    We didn't.  You aren't supposed to and though I knew there wasn't any real chance our wedding wouldn't happen, I just didn't feel right using them until after.  Plus it gave us something to look forward to after the wedding! 
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    WiscisblissWiscisbliss
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    We used some of ours.  Mostly because I had no place to stack boxes of dishes. 

    If you do, you need to be prepared to reimburse the gift giver. 
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    bibliophile2010bibliophile2010 member
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    I'm not going to use anything I get until after the wedding. I agre that the etiquette is poor, but even more, FI and I are not living together until after the wedding. I think it will be nice to have a fresh start in the kitchen to go with our new lives together.
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    ajroarkajroark
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    Like PPs have said, if you do it, be prepared to reimburse the gift-giver if things don't go as planned. Remember, no one ever thinks when they're planning on getting married that it might not happen for whatever reason, but unexpected circumstances can come up.
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    SirJuliusVonHaastSirJuliusVonHaast
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    I don't think it's a huge deal to use one or two small items in advance, as long as you don't broadcast it (and could afford to replace them). I have to imagine that there's a pretty strong feeling of letdown after planning a wedding (not disappointment, but coming down from a high, so to speak). I am definitely planning to fill that void with shiny unused gifts :). 
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    aegrishaegrish member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_opening-using-gifts-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:275591e7-acd8-4546-a7c8-94cac3837d4aPost:ff2cb827-f7df-45cd-a997-db56c70a1828">Re: Opening & using gifts question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Opening & using gifts question : Yeah, I can't even imagine what it would be like.  They were both totally devastated.  But they both have since found new love and are both married and have children.  I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but it honestly makes me think about FI whenever I think about using gifts<strong>. Obviously people didn't request their gift back</strong>, but for both of them it was more about having the reminder of what wasn't going to be.
    Posted by ogrady88[/QUOTE]

    Oh I have some relatives that would!
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    karmellahkarmellah
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    the only reason why we're waiting is i want to reorginize my entire kitchen and scrub the house before we use them.
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    jazzybaccjazzybacc member
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    I would think you could use shower gifts after the shower.  You open gifts given at the shower, are you supposed to wait to use all of those?  That seems strange to me.  You've already sent the thank you, more than likely.  I would think shower gifts are in a different category than wedding gifts.
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    Milsey32Milsey32
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    I'll be tempted... but if the wedding doesn't happen, all gifts must be returned (shower gifts and/or wedding gifts). 
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    beterrelbeterrel
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    I know some people say not to, but I personally don't see anything wrong with it.  It's for you to use, so use it!  Who cares WHEN you use it.  
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