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I'm losing it!!!!

NicoleBreeze2013NicoleBreeze2013 member
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
Ok I say sorry now for the vent that is gonna happen...

My FH and I moved into a rental last year which was great after living with his parents and sisters older and younger

Fast forward to December one week before christmas my FH was laid off at work due to new owners taking over... So we lived off my single income til January when my work made budget cuts and I lost hours, we gave away our rental and his parents welcomed us back with open arms...so I thought

Since moving back we are expected to help with the bills I'm fine with that but FFIL keeps asking for more money which we don't have and getting abusive when we say no. We never have any privacy from his sisters and haven't had alone time in months. Every day when his dad gets home from work he gets abusive with FH demanding what has he done around the house my FH attends TAFE and a job seeking service btw his younger sister gets 150 off the parents a week to keep the house clean. I can kinda put up with this but EVERY night my FFIL demands we go out find our own place he doesn't want us anymore... It makes me cry cause I want just me and my FH but we carnt afford it yet I now work two jobs just to pay the bills...


I'm sorry for all this but I'm at a loss please help!
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Re: I'm losing it!!!!

  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited April 2012
    You really only have two choices...suck it up or move out. Is your FH only looking for jobs in his field or any available work? If you are holding down two jobs he should have one. It sounds like it would be worth it to suck up  his pride and apply at fast food, walmart etc to be bringing in some money. Are there any studio apartments you can afford? Being cramped would be worth it to be out of there. Can you find roommates on craigslist? I live in a small, rural, two university area so that is safe and common here. Might not be so easy in an urban area.

    As for your FFIL all you can do is help around the house as much as possible, and share with him the progress you are making toward moving out. Can your FFMIL talk to your FFIL? Is she on the same page as him as far as wanting you guys out?
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  • NicoleBreeze2013NicoleBreeze2013 member
    10 Comments
    Yeah my FH is trying hard but for most places in australia his too old for a juniour position and too young for senior the only reason I work two is my old boss heard of our problem and offered me my job back... FMIL is on our side but she's not home when his doing it.. Just gonna have to suck it up I guess
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2012
    Do you have a set amount that your father in law wants you to contribute every month?  Was that made clear to you before moving in?  If so, your father in law has a point, but he shouldn't be badgering you about it.

    If you have no choice but to stay there, the four of you need to sit down together and discuss what the expectations are.  Put it in writing.  "You will pay this amount by this day every months or be charged a set amount of interest."  If you truly can't afford any money each month (then I'd suggest dropping cell phone plans or whatever you have to because paying to live really comes before those luxuries) offer things you can do: do the grocery shopping, clean certain areas of the home, etc. 

    If you offer to work it out by helping in either monetary or household ways, they will see you pulling your own weight.  You are adults who are getting married and this is what adults do: discuss their miscommunications and come to a new agreement with everything out in the open.  It's entirely possible that your father in law's anger is coming from a place that can absolutely be recitified.

    Good luck.

    EDIT: I just wanted to say something about the daughter who gets $150 a week.  She's dependent on her parents and I'm assuming younger.  You two are getting married and therefore should be adults who stand on their own two feet.  It's not a fair comparison at all.

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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited April 2012
    Ditto everything PPs said.  I would also add the your FFIL may be like this because he never sees your FI actively looking for work and is trying to give him a kick in the butt by making him want to leave.  And the excuse that he's too old or too young for positions doesn't fly with me unless your FI is a middle aged man - and I doubt it flies with your FFIL.  Sometimes you have to take a step or two or seven down to get where you want to be.  From your post, it sounds like your FI is not even looking outside of his field.

    I'm an attorney who was laid off for two years.  In that time, I took a $9/hr job as a retail sales associate because I knew that there is no such thing as pride when you have bills to pay and employers are more likely to hire someone who is working in any field over someone who waited until one in their chosen profession opened up.  In those two years I also did more networking (in a new city to boot) than I'd ever done in my life.  It is good that your FI is using available services but 90% of the time that is nowhere near enough.

    Just out of curiosity, how old is your FI and in what field is he trying to find a job?  Because, honeslty, if you've managed to find two jobs, he should be able to find one.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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