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A few questions

larzhopelarzhope member
1000 Comments
in Catholic Weddings
Hey all,

Not sure I"ve ever posted on this board before. My fiance and I are getting married 9/17/11 in MIchigan (we live in Seattle currently).  We found a church that would marry us in Michigan and a priest (no easy task since we weren't members, even though we are both Catholic and have been through all the required sacraments).

We are opting to have a marriage ceremony outside of mass. What does this typically look like?  Our priest gave us a book, but I'm pretty sure it covers both ceremonies so I'm trying to figure out how many readings to pick, etc.

The church that we are marrying at doesn't have a priest, so they recommended that we contact a retired priest, which we've done and he's agreed to marry us.  We paid a $950 fee for using the church - should we also pay the priest?  If so, how much do you think is appropriate?

We are also goign through pre-cana here in Seattle - I'm very nervous about all the correct paperwork getting done on time and filed with all the appropriate archdiocese.  Any tips/advice anyone can give me on that would be great!
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Re: A few questions

  • SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations!

    A marriage ceremony outside of mass starts off pretty much like a mass, but then you don't have Eucharist.  So there's still a procession, opening blessing, readings, Gospel, homily.  After the homily is when you'll exchange vows and rings.  Then there will be the prayers of the faithful.  At a mass you would normally go into the Liturgy of the Eucharist here, but without a mass I think you pretty much go to a final blessing and the recessional.

    You should give something to the priest performing your ceremony.  Talk to him about what he is allowed to accept.  I have heard some people say that their priest couldn't accept money, so they gave a gift card instead.  We gave our priest $100 and a nice bottle of wine.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    yes, you shoudl absolutely give a stipend to your priest.  i think $100 is sufficient since he's nto doing your pre-cana.

    i'm curious as to why you arent having mass if you are both catholic?

    as far as your pre-cana goes, it varies from priest to priest.  outs was very minimal - just three meetings with our priest.  some make you do a weekend, or various classes with lay persons.  what paperwork are you having to do?  we didnt file anything with the archdiocese here - we just filled out an informational form wtih the priest.
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  • rcj2rcdrcj2rcd
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Greetings from a fellow Michigan-board knottie :)

    1. Ceremony - the readings/order will still be similar to full mass, but without communion. There are some posts on this board with program templates for a ceremony outside of mass, which will give you a good idea of the flow of the ceremony. Also, the Together for Life book has been very helpful (this is probably the book you were given).


    2. Donation - $100 (in addition to the $950 fee you paid) is a reasonable amount. I  also like the PPs idea about the bottle of wine. Our parish suggests $150 donation.

    3. Pre-marriage - our priest filled out a A-form for the Detroit Archdiocese (the church office provided this).  We also have to provide our parish with copies of our baptism certificates within 6 months of the wedding. Every parish has their own requirements for the pre-marriage classes (type, timing, etc), so, check with them to see what is required.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    We were in a similar situation: we live in GA, got married in our homestate of OH. We had no problems at all with the paperwork getting mixed up or anything. Both of the priests were in contact with each other and either mailed or faxed them everything the needed. We did our pre-cana and EE Weekend in GA. We just had to make sure we met the requirements to get married in the dioceses of Columbus OH even though we live in GA.

    And definitely check out catholicweddinghelp.com as that should help you when you start to plan your ceremony. Good luck.
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