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Money issues with divorced parents

ammart5ammart5
Second Anniversary 10 Comments
in Ohio-Cincinnati

Heres the situation:
My parents are divorced and I'm not very close to my father but over the last 5 years we have been working on our relationship. When I got engaged my mom gave me a budget and said the rest would need to come from my dad. When I asked my dad for a budget he said he would send checks, but has not yet and now he keeps saying to elope. Do I confront him on if he is going to help, I need to start planning but I don't know what I can afford? And if he doesn't help my mom doesn't want him to be at the wedding... so many issues and I don't know where to begin! Any advice is welcome!

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Re: Money issues with divorced parents

  • katiebean1katiebean1 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't count on any money until you have it in your hands.  It is nobody's responsibility to pay for your wedding except you and your FI, so just plan the wedding you can afford.  As for your mom not wanting your dad to be there unless he pays is crazy, like I said before it would be nice if he did but it is not mandatory!
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  • GoBucksOHGoBucksOH member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Your wedding = your $$$.

    Just as the PP noted, plan the wedding according to what you can afford. Don't book anything with the hopes or promises that money will come in, bc circumstances change and people don't always follow thru with it. You shouldnt "confront" your dad about giving you money for your wedding. If he offers and gives it to you, fine. If not, then move on.

    As far as your dad not being invited bc hes not paying, thats totally rediculous in my opinion. This is your DAD, not a checkbook. I am sure he would help if he was able, but don't cause tension or issues within the family over wedding money. Its just not worth it.
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  • utegogglesutegoggles member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    And why aren't you paying for it yourself?
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  • GoBucksOHGoBucksOH member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_money-issues-divorced-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:06f610c9-1274-4f54-8200-a455ab2bd625Post:60d51e21-b0a6-41ae-bbc7-2a0bfdf08be3">Re: Money issues with divorced parents</a>:
    [QUOTE]And why aren't you paying for it yourself?
    Posted by stefwhitney[/QUOTE]

    <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

    Eye to eye....
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  • gabriel0915gabriel0915 newb
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just plan your budget based on what your mom is willing to give you if you don't want to pay for anything yourself. My parents are divorced and I know it's a hard place to navigate but I definitely agree that you shouldn't expect anything unless it's in your hand and ready to go. There are plenty of ways to cut down a bitget and plenty of places in Cincy that are affordable on any budget. Good luck
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  • utegogglesutegoggles member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_money-issues-divorced-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:06f610c9-1274-4f54-8200-a455ab2bd625Post:088f7fb6-7079-4084-a617-5fb3fe43c8f9">Re: Money issues with divorced parents</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Money issues with divorced parents : Eye to eye....
    Posted by GoBucksOH[/QUOTE]

    <div>;)</div>
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  • ammart5ammart5
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I am paying for part of it myself but I am also paying off my student loans, so that is why I was asking my parents and they both are very traditional and believe they should be helping but I just don't know how much I can count on my father because he has not come through in the past. My dad has plenty of money to help he just never comes through on his promises. Thanks for all the advice I have a while to figure it all out!

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  • shaypbshaypb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-budget/articles/cheap-wedding-in-cincinnati-ohio.aspx

    Here's the link to an article on budget weddings (under $10K) The Knot published awhile back.  Good info.

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  • hccpsuhccpsu member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_money-issues-divorced-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:06f610c9-1274-4f54-8200-a455ab2bd625Post:53d2e4bc-cd05-475a-a7e3-7ce6c317536d">Re: Money issues with divorced parents</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just don't know how much I can count on my father because he has not come through in the past. My dad has plenty of money to help he just never comes through on his promises.
    Posted by ammart5[/QUOTE]

    As others have said, it's your wedding, so it's on you and your fiance to pay for it.  That's great your mom is contributing, but she doesn't have to (and she's wrong for saying she doesn't want your father there if he doesn't contribute).   If you know he hasn't come through in the past, then you know not to count on it now.  Don't bring it up to him--plan the wedding you can afford without his help.
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  • dori851dori851 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If your father hasn't given you any money or told you an exact amount of how much he's willing to give you, then I wouldn't count on him giving you anything at all. As PPs have said, you should plan & budget for a wedding that you & your FI can afford. Don't rely on parents/family to help pay for the wedding. If your dad ends up giving you money, great. But if not, you need to make sure that you can afford everything on your own.

    And, I also think it's a bit ridiculous that your mom thinks you shouldn't invite your dad if he doesn't contribute. It's not his responsibility to pay for the wedding, it's yours. I think you would majorly regret not inviting him just because he didn't help foot the bill. I would think long & hard before making this decision.
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  • debbiem56debbiem56
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    When my daughter got married, she went to her dad and asked him to pay for a specific item, like the photographer or the cake or the DJ.  That might be a way to approach him instead of asking him to give you a certain amount of money.  I know my ex appreicated being able to point to something he did for his daughter instead of just throwing money at the general wedding fund.  BTW, the same thing worked with her FI's divorced parents.
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  • HarperBargoHarperBargo
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else.

    It is YOUR wedding so you are responsible to pay for it. I understand that student loans are daunting (I had several). But that really isn't an excuse to assume your parents are going to pay for the wedding. My FI and I set a budget and started planning accordingly. It has been nice that our families have offered to pay for things (ie cake, flowers) but I never counted on it.
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