Money dance? Is it tacky?

hnsauter · September 2010

Should I do a money dance at my wedding or is it tacky?

bbyckes · September 2010

Is it a tradition in your circle? That will give you much insight into the direction you should go.

Be prepared, you will get flack on this site if you choose to have a money dance. The question you posed is very loaded. Do what works best for you and your fiance. Money dances are common in my circle, I did not feel comfortable having one, so I didn't. If you're not comfortable, save yourself the heartache and don't have one. Also, there are a bunch of other posts about alternatives to the money dance.

Also take a moment and read the 2346790073 posts on the subject, simply scroll through the pages. Good luck.

SaraAndrew2010 · September 2010

Tacky.

jennylove810 · September 2010

I'm not offended by it, but I won't participate in it. The couple can just satisfy themselves with the $200 I put in their card.

mandi921vh · September 2010

FI asked me if I was going to do the dollar dance at our wedding, I told him no way because it seems incredibly tacky, plus it seems weird dancing with people for money...

zitiqueen · September 2010

Read this. (clicky)

Then read this. (clicky)

And these are from the first page.

Honestly, just scroll down.

RebeccaB88 · September 2010

Yes, it's tacky

vinlove77 · September 2010

It's pretty common where I'm from. but it just makes me uncomfortable. I'd say go with what works for you and what is acceptable among your friends and family. I'm not offended by them, just doesn't seem like it's for me.

meganb1977 · September 2010

hnsauter, I live in New Orleans, my fiance is a native of the area and doesn't think it's tacky and said some people even look forward to it. I think you would have gotten a different response on the local board because it's more traditional here. However, we do think it's tacky to have people pinning the money to the bride's dress...much better to have an assistant holding a small drawstring bag. My only other insight is that since I wasn't familiar with the tradition the first time I saw it, I didn't participate because I didn't know the bride or groom well enough to dance with them. But I didn't think it was un-classy at all.

tarynrr · September 2010

I wasnt going to do it until I takled to our DJ about it... he expained that since we are having 250 people its going to be hard to get the chance to speak with all of them and this is a great way to have that One on One time with those people... so we are now going to do it.. i had never looked at it that way! Do what you want to do its YOUR day!!!

mizachan1 · September 2010

You shouldn't do it if the majority of your guests are unfamiliar with it, they might find it offensive, since most of them would have brought you a gift at the wedding and that's what they'll think when you go announce the dollar dance at the reception. It does pass on the appearance of being greedy depending where you're at. When in Rome do what they do in Rome.

Kate504 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_money-dance-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4cc64a02-1cd7-4063-92fb-7a347854106aPost:d9961afd-56ed-4a74-8f9b-3b6792ea275c">Re: Money dance? Is it tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]hnsauter, I live in New Orleans, my fiance is a native of the area and doesn't think it's tacky and said some people even look forward to it. I think you would have gotten a different response on the local board because it's more traditional here. However, we do think it's tacky to have people pinning the money to the bride's dress...much better to have an assistant holding a small drawstring bag. My only other insight is that since I wasn't familiar with the tradition the first time I saw it, I didn't participate because I didn't know the bride or groom well enough to dance with them. But I didn't think it was un-classy at all.
Posted by meganb1977[/QUOTE]

I'm from NOLA and my sister's wedding was the only wedding that I have been to who has done it. Her husband is Itailian and it is a tradition for them. One of her friends did it. She just held a small purse and when people gave her money she put it in there. It all seem akward to me.

I don't like it b/c I would be uncomfortable. I'm shy to begin with.

The only people who really participated were my grandparents and a few uncles and friends parents. My mom's parents had nothing to do with it as it is not a tradition on their side.

My fiance's parents did it at their wedding and asked if i was going to do it and before i knew that i said no its tacky. Put my foot in my mouth...oh well. That is what I think.

trix1223 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_money-dance-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:4cc64a02-1cd7-4063-92fb-7a347854106aPost:b6378836-76b8-4f97-9dc4-95739bfd5830">Re: Money dance? Is it tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wasnt going to do it until I takled to our DJ about it... he expained that since we are having 250 people i<strong>ts going to be hard to get the chance to speak with all of them and this is a great way to have that One on One time with those people</strong>... so we are now going to do it.. i had never looked at it that way! Do what you want to do its YOUR day!!!
Posted by tarynrr[/QUOTE]

If you have the time in your reception to do a dance where you're on the floor and people can come and dance with you, then just do that. Why does money have to exchange hands for that to happen?

Have your dj announce that taryn and her new DH will now be on the dance floor and look forward to a short dance with anyone who would care to join them. Just don't charge money.

Please don't use the "we have to have a $$ dance because it's the only time we can get one on one time with guests" as an excuse. Because it's just silly. You can and should dance with your guests without shaking them down for money.

Jo-Rose01 · September 2010

Alot of people call things tacky on this site, lol, its crazy,

If you are comfortable with it do it, it's your day and your hubby's day, don't let anyone bring you down,

I have been to 7 or 8 weddings where they all had the $ dance, the only complaint I heard was that the music was to fast for some.

The way i see it, if you can afford to shell out $100-$200 as a gift, you can let go of a $1 or $2 to help with the $10,000 to $20,000 party you just attended and the $30-$100 meal you just ate.

Good luck

vsgal · September 2010

Horribly tacky. Your wedding guests have given you a gift, paid for a plane ticket, hotel, rental car and you expect them to give you more money. Do not do this. If I went to a wedding with a money dance, I would leave abrubtly and take my gift with me. This isn't about "your day and do what you want", this is common regard and politeness towards your guests. The point of the reception is to thank your guests for celebrating your wedding with you, not to take them for everything they have. Your wedding reception is NOT a fundraiser.

Jo-Rose, you should never expect your guests to "pay" for your party. If you spent $100 for eache person to eat, that is what you spent. Don't expect people to pay you back. That is horribly rude.

heyimbren · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_money-dance-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:4cc64a02-1cd7-4063-92fb-7a347854106aPost:bbf47216-f374-4b53-8b9c-32c501ee5564">Re: Money dance? Is it tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]Alot of people call things tacky on this site, lol, its crazy, If you are comfortable with it do it, it's your day and your hubby's day, don't let anyone bring you down, I have been to 7 or 8 weddings where they all had the $ dance, the only complaint I heard was that the music was to fast for some. <strong>The way i see it, if you can afford to shell out $100-$200 as a gift, you can let go of a $1 or $2 to help with the $10,000 to $20,000 party you just attended and the $30-$100 meal you just ate.</strong> Good luck
Posted by Jo-Rose01[/QUOTE]

Weddings do not have to cost that much. It's the couple's choice to spend however much they can afford and want ot on their wedding. It is NEVER EVER EVER the guests' obligation or duty to give gifts or donate money to the couple as payment for their invitation and night at the wedding.

It isn't about what "you can afford". It's about being polite and gracious to your guests- asking them to shell out more money for "your big day" after a VERY generous gift of $100-200 (as you said) is extraordinarily rude.

heyimbren · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_money-dance-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:4cc64a02-1cd7-4063-92fb-7a347854106aPost:60402bea-cc38-4a8a-ab64-f8ef5d41bbf4">Re: Money dance? Is it tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]Touchy touchy. Thank you for the eye opener, lmao, wow. So glad I live in the area I live in, lol. I am just saying that of the weddings I have been to that had $ dances, NOT ONE person compained about helping the couple out, some who DIDN'T even dance donated a $1 regardless of what they gifted to the couple. What is appalling is not my input. What is shocking and mind boggling is to see people reacting so harshly over $1. lol. Wow. NEVER have I incountered such harness over darn $1, lol. I guess the people of my area are a little more open minded when it comes to sharing with the people they care about. Let's see what kind of jabs at me and my fellow past wedding attendees recieve for thinking of being gererous to our loved ones. lol
Posted by Jo-Rose01[/QUOTE]

It isn't about the $1. It's the idea of asking people for more money. I'm generous with my gifts. After giving a nice gift or cheque, I would be a bit shocked that the couple expected more from me just because they're getting married. I wouldn't complain in person, I just wouldn't participate. And it would leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Also, it was the OP who started by asking if it was tacky or not. Everyone else was responding to her: no one brought in the word "tacky" on their own. It was the OP.

Jo-Rose01 · September 2010

I think it is a shame that we have taken this personal vandetta on to two threds now. I really do.
I am sorry if I have offended you so dearly to make you so negatively "OP" of me,
We are obviously of two very different surroundings.
My family and friends love helping each other, it is just the way we are raised, sorry if you find it so revolting that we are ok with a little extra help for one another.
Like I said we just come from different place and backgrounds.
May God bless and love you: />

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

You really should hold off on posting until you get a better handle on the lingo. "OP" stands for "original poster." Though I agree with you that you clearly have a very different concept of reality than the rest of us.

SandyDunn · September 2010

I really hope the next place I chose to put a posting had nicer postings, I thought this was going to be fun, but you all are mean people that are way to judging of others.
I think the dollar dance if ok, it if is something that is part of where you lives traditions.
Or if it is something that runs on either side of your families traditions and if you feel ok with doing it. As far as "shaking down your guests" goes, if people don't want to participate they won't, for those that do, they will.
Its not a matter of tacky or not, its a matter of tradition and comfort. I have been to a few weddings where they had one and it was great. those who participated didn't mind helping and those who didn't just didn't want to stand in the long lines, lol. The ones that didn't have one, some were actually waiting for it and were disappointed. lol
You should go with your gut as to whether you want to or not, not what others think, this is your wedding not theirs.
And from what I see, they may gang up on me for saying these things but oh well. To judge others so harshly just shows the type of life one leads, maybe others have judged them harshly and not shown them how to voice an opinion in a kinder manner.

moutman · October 2010

I personally don't want a money dance at my wedding, but I think it's a matter of personal preference. My FI is Italian and they have a very similar tradition in his family called "la busta" = the envelope; where the bride carries a satin or lace satchel usually passed down, and people put in envelopes with money and notes of well wishes for the couple. We will probably use this tradition, because only the people who know about it and want to participate know what the satchel is for; it seems a reasonable way to me to honor his families tradition w/out making other guests uncomfortable. But then again there won't be anyone at my wedding that I don't know well enough that if I asked them for money that they would be offended anyway.

Money dance? Is it tacky?

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