Snarky Brides

Anyone have an extremely shy fiance/husband?

My dear sweet fiance is extremely shy. He is not at all a social person and is very nervous about the wedding. He is the most committed loyal person I know and he's told me he's not nervous about being my husband he's nervous about the attention being on him for an entire day.

His mom and I reassure him that all eyes will be on me and he's just there to look good in pictures (this is a joke and meant to keep him from freaking out, i don't actually think that). Anyway, the thing he's most nervous about it is the ceremony, he's afraid he'll be so anxious he'll screw up his vows or throw up.

For those of you who are already married and have a shy husband, how did he do/what did you do to make things easier on him? For those of you who aren't married yet are you doing things differently to accomodate his personality?
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Re: Anyone have an extremely shy fiance/husband?

  • If he is that afraid nervous why have such a big wedding?  It is his wedding too and if he will feel more comfortable in a very small intimate setting maybe that is the way you should go.

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  • I was the shy one, although H ended up messing up the vows a bit, oops!

    We just kept reminding ourselves that everyone there loved us and was there to support us and not to laugh at our mistakes or judge.
  • H didn't want to do the first dance. At all. He was really nervous. 

    He told me he'd do it if we could tell each other terrible jokes.  So I told him the rabbit joke that someone on here told me (sorry I can't remember who gave it to me!).

    Our photos are funny because when I told him the punchline, he just went, "....what?!?!"
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  • Oh, and the advice our officiant gave us was not to lock our knees or you will faint.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-extremely-shy-fiancehusband?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:238636a3-62df-495f-8377-f356aadc2783Post:95523b08-206e-4738-bfe4-cb0c97603687">Re: Anyone have an extremely shy fiance/husband?</a>:
    [QUOTE]H didn't want to do the first dance. At all. He was really nervous.  He told me he'd do it if we could tell each other terrible jokes.  So I told him the rabbit joke that someone on here told me (sorry I can't remember who gave it to me!). Our photos are funny because when I told him the punchline, he just went, "....what?!?!"
    Posted by cardmonsta[/QUOTE]

    Hahaha that is awesome.

    And to answer the above person's question about why such a big wedding, FI knows how important my family is to me and has told me that even if we only had 20 people at our wedding he'd be just as nervous, it's not about the # of people it's just the being in front of anyone part
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  • Milkduds - we are doing a first look and I agree, I think that will make a big difference. I think us being able to have a moment together alone and get our bearings will help.
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  • I am the shy one, and we had a big wedding because it was important to Scott.  I coped by crying a lot, and then feeling like I was going to puke all day.

    To be completely honest, I was miserable.


    BUT NOW I'M MARRIED!!!
  • reilsreils member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    My FI isn't shy but I am. I wanted to go away some where and just have immediate family but my vote got vetoed by everyone. We are now have a wedding of 75 and I am kind of freaked out by it. We are doing a first look, which I agree with the PP that it will help but other than that I think I am just going to have to suck it up. I am thinking that it isn't going to be as bad as I have it made out to be in my head, or at least I hope so. 

    ETA: Now that I have read KIm's post maybe it will be as bad I think and I'll be puking all day. Great. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-extremely-shy-fiancehusband?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:238636a3-62df-495f-8377-f356aadc2783Post:bc501cdf-c7ba-4065-b2e7-923861f6ecfb">Re: Anyone have an extremely shy fiance/husband?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am the shy one, and we had a big wedding because it was important to Scott.  I coped by crying a lot, and then feeling like I was going to puke all day. <strong>To be completely honest, I was miserable.</strong> BUT NOW I'M MARRIED!!!
    Posted by kimheartsscott[/QUOTE]

    :( that right there is my biggest fear. That he will be miserable to make me happy. Ugh. I need to talk to him and see what I can scale back so he'll be more comfortable
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  • edited April 2011
    Oh, we didn't do first dance, father/daughter dance, cake cutting, a big announcement when we entered the reception, I didn't give a speech etc.  We cut out a lot of the theatrics and just did our best to chill.  A few people thought skipping the first dance was the worst thing in the world, but it helped me.

    Edit:  Also, the only parts spoken by us during the ceremony were the vows which we repeated after our officient, and saying "I do."  The rest was read by our officient so we didn't need to memorize anything.  The ceremony was actually the easiest part of the day for me.
  • For my birthday he bought dance classes for us and since doing them he says he feels infinitely more comfortable with the first dance which is great. He was so sure that he was a terrible dancer because he had never danced before, turned out he's pretty good :)
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  • Well, see, he's already better off than I was!
  • SEWFSEWF member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I'm not that shy, but was nervous about the wedding. But honestly, once everything started going, I just stared into H's eyes the entire time and everybody else pretty much blurred into the background. Even after the ceremony, I gave a little speech. I just remembered that everyone was there because they loved us.

    We also did a first look, so that helped. Just take some time to chill together.
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  • My FI's also shy.  We're skipping all the attention grabbing things like a "grand entrance," mother/son dance, garter toss etc.  We haven't decided yet on a 1st dance but we'll likely do that just to get pictures and get it out of the way so that guests will go dance.  Besides that everything's very laid back. I keep just reminding him (and myself) that everyone who will be there loves us both and it's nothing to be worried about.  We aren't inviting boss's, coworkers, etc for this reason - only best friends and close family.
    Anniversary
  • My H is shy, but he wasn't at all concerned about the wedding...until I walked in to the church.  As soon as I got to the end of the aisle, I noticed that he was shaking like a leaf.  He kept whispering that he was afraid he was going to pass out.  I held his hand throughout Mass and kept whispering that it would be okay, and he was fine.  Once the ceremony was over he was completely calm.  He said it was just the rush of everything "becoming real" that hit him all at once.

    Just stick by him, reassure him, and try to spend some time alone together, even for just a couple of minutes, to take it all in and enjoy each other.
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  • I am going through this now.  FI has anxiety and I am sure he will be very nervous before the wedding but we are doing a first look so hopefully that will calm him down.  Once it gets started I am sure he will be fine.
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  • DH is not shy at all, in fact he is quite the opposite. He would talk to the wall if it would have a conversation with him. Everywhere we go he makes friends. Literally every day on our HM, he would say, "OK, today it is just going to be us because I don't feel like talking to anybody." 10 minutes later he was talking it up with some dude by the pool. I was more anxious about the wedding than him. I am nervous to watch our video when we get it back. 
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  • I know I'm a day late, but oh Lord, can I relate. John isn't necessarily shy, but he's quiet around people he doesn't know. Once he knows them, he's good - and it's not so much nerves, as he doesn't know what to say, I think.

    HOWEVER - he HATES cameras. He thinks he looks stupid. He has a wonderful smile, if he doesn't see it. SIL has a picture of him talking to Andy, and the liveliness on his face is wonderful. But, if he'd seen her, his face would've frozen. He hates it when I post pictures of him on FB, but says he's resigned himself to it at this point.
    When we got married, it was his living nightmare - 3 video cameras, 5 people taking pictures (1 pro, the rest family), and he's standing alone up front. When the door opened and I saw him, his hands were in fists and he was looking straight ahead - not at me. When I got up to him, I touched his arm, and I could feel sweat through his shirt and jacket.

    Later, I also found out he'd had 4 drinks before the wedding. I told him to have one or two with my brother before, but he stopped in the bar going from our room to my parents' suite and had a couple as well. They were pretty spaced out, and the alcohol didn't have anything to do with the nerves. But, a drink might not be a bad idea.

    Our pro pictures, which were all in a studio, show him being pretty serious, until he put on his sunglasses. He actually smiled in some of those, and they're pretty good.

    image
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  • I'm also late to this, but my FI is also very, very shy- and I'm shy myself.

    What we are doing to help him (and me):

    - first look
    - saying "I do" instead of the vows
    - no garter toss/bouquet toss

    Honestly, I'm worried about him but so far he's pretty nonchalant about the whole thing.  I don't think it's kicked in yet.  :)
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