Bridesmaid Dilemma: 2 of them HATE each other!

Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma: 2 of them HATE each other!

• Jen4948 member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  I think in your situation, I would ask both of these friends, and if and only if bad blood breaks out between them, I would separately tell each one: "Friend, both you and she were asked to be in my wedding because you both play important roles in my life and while I don't expect you to befriend each other, it would mean a lot to me if you can participate with respectful behavior towards each other, me, and everyone else involved."

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• lauralaur member

  

  January 2013

  I would trust them to act like adults and suck it up for you. If issues arise, tell them to work it out amongst themselves and leave you out of it. I would not bring it up up front because I don't think they'll appreciate essentially being told "I would love for you to be a bridesmaid but only if you promise to behave." Sorta sucks some of the special out of it. I'm assuming they are each aware that you are friends with and close with the other? If yes then they will likely assume from the beginning that the other is a bridesmaid as well.

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• kpalmer1317 member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  The reason why I'm considering saying something upfront was because when I had just got engaged, I was talking wedding planning with 1 of them, who is very dramatic and tells her opinion no matter who she hurts. She basically has no filter on her mouth or actions. Anyways, she asked me about my bridal party and I told her that I hadn't made decisions quite yet and I was still thinking about it. She asked me upfront if I was going to invite my other "best friend" to be a bridesmaid. Again, I said I wasn't sure but I have been considering her since she's a good friend of mine too. In return she rolled her eyes and gave me the look like, "I can't believe you would even CONSIDER asking her to be a bridesmaid." Actions speak very loudly and that's why this sparked my thought of laying everything on the table right away since that experience.

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• daveANDkristen member

  

  January 2013

  Once you have asked all of the ladies you want in your WP, feel free to tell them who the other bridesmaids are if they ask. If one or both of them has a problem with it, that's on them. I would not provide any disclaimer that they need to be civil with one another. They should be mature enough to reach that conclusion on their own.

  
  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-to-be-a-bridesmaid-my-2-best-friends-hate-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea1610aa-7031-407a-b3df-90a8fde5400ePost:f53c24f1-3656-478e-b32d-aa3cf473acb1">Re: Bridesmaid dilemma, 2 of them HATE each other!</a>:
  [QUOTE]The reason why I'm considering saying something upfront was because when I had just got engaged, I was talking wedding planning with 1 of them, who is<strong> very dramatic and tells her opinion no matter who she hurts. She basically has no filter on her mouth or actions. </strong>Anyways, she asked me about my bridal party and I told her that I hadn't made decisions quite yet and I was still thinking about it. She asked me upfront if I was going to invite my other "best friend" to be a bridesmaid. Again, I said I wasn't sure but I have been considering her since she's a good friend of mine too. In return she <strong>rolled her eyes and gave me the look like, "I can't believe you would even CONSIDER asking her to be a bridesmaid."</strong> Actions speak very loudly and that's why this sparked my thought of laying everything on the table right away since that experience.
  Posted by kpalmer1317[/QUOTE]
  
  She's dramatic, doesn't care who she hurts with her words and actions, and she has already started drama with your potential choice of BM with "<strong>I can't believe you would even CONSIDER asking her to be a bridesmaid."  </strong>WHY would you ask this person to be in the BP and subject everyone else to her horrible actions?"

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• Tonya729 member

  

  January 2013

  I would not tell them, just ask them both to be in the wedding, if they both accept then there both big girls and can deal with one day together.

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• Salsera29 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-to-be-a-bridesmaid-my-2-best-friends-hate-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea1610aa-7031-407a-b3df-90a8fde5400ePost:49b3d9d2-b5aa-46dd-9ae6-e7b4d8443a76">Bridesmaid Dilemma: 2 of them HATE each other!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I have 2 really great friends that I grew up with through school that I remain close with individually. When we were younger, we were all a great group of friends to hang out with. As the years have gone by, my 2 friends have grown apart from each other and have had their number of fights and differences between them. I want to ask both of them to be in my wedding, however, my biggest fear is that they will not remain civil with one another on my special day. It would mean the world to me if they both were there. Long story short, I am sending out personalized bridesmaids invites. Would it be inappropriate or rude to address my concern in a polite way to these 2 girls that I would love for them both to be in my wedding as long as they can remain civil with one another on my special day. Is that going overboard? Or should I not say anything at all and hope for the best? I feel as though if I lay things on the line from the start, then I don't have to feel bad saying "I warned you" later if things go bad.
  Posted by kpalmer1317[/QUO<div>
  </div><div>I am a BM in my best friend's wedding, which is a week before mine. One of his other female friends is also a BM and I can't STAND her. She's rude and a drama queen and just generally offensive (think anti-semetic comments in front of my Jewish fiance). That being said, I plan on playing nice and biting my tongue and practicing my "tolerating obnoxious people" skills during all of their wedding related events. If both these girls are your good friends, and reasonably mature, you CAN say something to them but you probably don't have to. 
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• kpalmer1317 member

  

  January 2013

  Thanks for the advice everyone. Very valid points. I wonder why I'm considering this 1 friend based on her prior actions but its hard to imagine her not there by my side. Anyways, I am going to ask both of them so as to not fuel the fire and I will let both of them know that they are each a bridesmaid and go from there .

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-to-be-a-bridesmaid-my-2-best-friends-hate-each-other?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea1610aa-7031-407a-b3df-90a8fde5400ePost:5ea9ca87-1464-4511-af90-4f93d36bf4e7">Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma: 2 of them HATE each other!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice everyone. Very valid points. I wonder why I'm considering this 1 friend based on her prior actions but its hard to imagine her not there by my side. Anyways, I am going to ask both of them so as to not fuel the fire and I will let both of them know that they are each a bridesmaid and go from there .
  Posted by kpalmer1317[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>You know she isn't going to be there for you by your side.  She's going to be there, making trouble, causing drama, and taking away from your day.  She has told you this.  Listen to her.
  
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• wood0390

  

  January 2013

  I think you should put it out on the table for each of them and then it is on them to decide if they can be mature enough to support you on your day.  I agree with inviting them to separate things such as dress fittings etc.. Also think about your actual wedding day.  Will they be standing right next to each other in the front or have someone between them?  Same with photos.  For the reception you could seat them at different tables as to avoid any problems and have a sweethearts table for you or sit with your parents.  Good luck.  

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