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Save the date

branchellebranchelle member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I was wondering if it would be rude if on the save the date you have a pre RSVP especially for the out of town guests? We are on a tight budget and need to cut the guest list however, my FI wants to invite family members who he for sure knows will not come. I feel like this is a waste of invite however he can not invite one cousin from a family he has to invite them all. So if we were to send a save the date with an RSVP type of thing to see who for sure can not come so we can either substitute other people in or just have a smaller guest list.
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Re: Save the date

  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-date-10?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:eee7b34c-bcc7-46c1-8af2-4e81f2936ba2Post:4aa56e30-2ec3-4e7b-aa5d-55465c215654">Save the date</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was wondering if it would be rude if on the save the date you have a pre RSVP especially for the out of town guests? We are on a tight budget and need to cut the guest list however, my FI wants to invite family members who he for sure knows will not come. I feel like this is a waste of invite however he can not invite one cousin from a family he has to invite them all. So if we were to send a save the date with an RSVP type of thing to see who for sure can not come so we can either substitute other people in or just have a smaller guest list.
    Posted by branchelle[/QUOTE]

    No its rude.  And anyone who gets an STD needs to receive a formal invite.  Situations change leading up to the wedding and they may be able to make it when they once thought they couldn't.  And asking guests to RSVP any further than about 8 weeks out is too soon. 
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its

    I'm of the school of thought that STDs are for people that you really want to save the date.  If your guest list is up in the air, either skip the STDs, or just send them to OOT relatives/friends that you know for sure you'd like to invite and hope attend.  Plus, as dnb mentioned, everyone who gets an STD needs to get an invitation, so people who said they couldn't come after receiving their STD might have a change of plans by the time the invitations roll out, and that's still screw up your numbers.

    I am anti-courtesy invitations.  I think you should only invite people that you truly want to invite, and you need to make sure that you have the space to host all of them as well as the funds to feed them.

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  • branchellebranchelle member
    First Comment
    So mica178 you would say it would be ok to not invite a whole family if you just want a few of them there. My FI has cousins he never talks to in one family but has ones he talks to in the same family so it would be ok just to invite the ones he talks to?
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  • sb9411sb9411
    1000 Comments
    You'll get an idea before the formal invites go out, because many of the OOT guests will already have booked their flights/hotels etc.
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