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Premarital Counseling when not together?

FutureMrsSSFutureMrsSS member
10 Comments
in Military Brides
The title pretty much explains it all, but has anyone done this? I just talked to our officiant today and he said he would like for us to do some premarital counseling before the wedding. He offored phone/Skype sessions, but me and FI are on different time zones. We talk at wierd times, so I think trying to incorporate a third person would be difficult at an appropriate time for them. Everything I have looked up online seems to be $400+. Does anybody have any suggestions for companies, or experience with how you did it? 
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Re: Premarital Counseling when not together?

  • USMCBride90USMCBride90
    100 Comments
    FI and I did our premarital counseling through the classes that they provide on base. I made a trip out to Cali and we did it during the week I was there. Since you mentioned that you and FI are in different time zones, I'm assuming it's quite the time difference? I don't know your situation or if he is stationed overseas, but could you make a trip out to see him and do it together while you're there? Just a suggestion :) I don't know if that's possible for you guys or not. I don't have any experience with doing it online or through another company though.
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  • AmandaSC1988AmandaSC1988 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary

    If getting together doesn't work, you might try finding a workbook that your pastor suggests that you can both work through and discuss as you go along.  Really, our priest said the main thing is to get the comminication flowing about difficult situations.

    I know the catholic church has the pre-cana classes online for similar situations, You have some discussion question you have to answer on a forum that you, your FI and your guide have access to. You might see if you can find something like that. I know Pre-Cana isn't too expensive, but it does teach catholic teachings so it would not be ideal if you aren't Catholic.

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  • LambbopLambbop member
    100 Comments
    Depending on what kind of time frame you have before the wedding, you could do a weekend premarital counselling retreat. That might be easier to get through if he has a little leave or if you have a chance to be with him for that short period of time before the wedding.

    FI and I did the weekend thing... just one Friday night through Saturday night. It was super intensive because it was so condensed... but we got through it. It was primarily based on filling out workbooks and then comparing/discussing answers. There were about 10 couples doing it that weekend from different churches in town and the counselor didn't babysit us but let us go off by ourselves to work on our books and if we had any questions/issues we knew where we could find him. 

    If you can't find a weekend retreat maybe you could find something similar with the workbooks--where you do the workbooks and then just call on the pastor/counsellor if any issues arise.
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  • firemedicrrfiremedicrr
    500 Comments
    We did our PMC via skype sessions and our counselor actually agreed to meet with us after hours... we weren't on different time zones but he had some crazy working hours and evening classes so some of our sessions were pretty late. I really enjoyed our skype sessions. I think it's worth a try for coordination, especially if your officiant is willing to work with you on the strange time issues.
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  • FutureMrsSSFutureMrsSS member
    10 Comments
    I just visited him last month, and hadn't really been planning on going back before the wedding. We have about three months until the wedding, so I'm kind of trying to save my money for that and the move.

    I'm going to look into a work book and talk to my officiant about using that! We might be able to skype once or twice a month with him as well. Its hard with scheduling because I work 7 days a week 60-70 hours. I usually talk to him before work while getting ready, and on my brakes. Then hes usually in bed by the time I get off of work. Thanks so much though everyone! I didn't really know about workbooks, but I think that sounds like it will work out nicely since we are apart. 
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  • Laxwondergirl21Laxwondergirl21
    First Comment
    My local chaplain suggested my fi and I doing the same thing. We will EVENTUALLY get married in the Catholic church, but for now the chaplain said it was okay to do some pre-marriage couseling separately. I went to a pre-marriage wedding workshop last week that was mostly geared towards civillian women marrying military men (both fi and I are Navy), but a lot of these types of seminars and classes are offered at bases through family services or the church. Mine was great!

    Good luck! Sealed
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