So.....

atlabs09 · June 2012

My boyfriend wants to ask my dad for my hand in marriage but we dont live close together, like down the road. My boyfriend Trav lives 3 hrs away. I read online that the BF has to meet the Dad in person to talk things over.

To meet in person is sticky since of the timing/distance, what if my bf were to send an email or text message to my Dad in asking for hand in marriage????

Is that acceptable in the world today??

Any feed back on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!!

JordanL1221 · June 2012

I would hope that my boyfriend would at least CALL my dad and ask. Not email or text him. This is only as a last resort because my family is totally traditional.

Swazzle · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:c965a484-520e-456a-b609-bfb1c6248dd0">So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]My boyfriend wants to ask my dad for my hand in marriage but we dont live close together, like down the road. My boyfriend Trav lives 3 hrs away. I read online that the BF has to meet the Dad in person to talk things over. To meet in person is sticky since of the timing/distance, what if my bf were to send an email or text message to my Dad in asking for hand in marriage???? Is that acceptable in the world today?? Any feed back on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!!!
Posted by atlabs09[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, your BF doesn't HAVE to ask your dad for anything. My FI didn't "ask" anyone if he could marry me. He did, however, call my mom to let her know that he had the ring and was going to propose soon. </div><div>
</div><div>Edited to make sense.</div>

jemmini6 · June 2012

Well, considering many women, myself included, find it an antiquated tradition in the first place, I think a phone call would suffice. I still would not just send a text or an email, it's way too impersonal for such a personal topic. I mean, if you are going to follow the tradition, but distance makes it difficult to do it the traditional way, a phone call is the next best thing.

caitlin.cave · June 2012

Really? You want your BF to textmessage your father about your marriage?

If ANYTHING other than a meeting in person, it would be done in a phone call, not over text, and even that is less than optimal. FI and I drove 5 hours to get my parents' blessing together, so it is doable. You just have to coordinate lunch with your parents.

This isn't what you asked for advice about, but if your BF is asking for permission, have you thought about what you're going to do if your dad doesn't give it?

Also, how old are you?

ETA: I wouldn't recommend asking for permission either. If you're mature enough to be getting married, you're mature enough to be making your own decision about it. (What I did was more a "hey, this is our plan, how do you feel about that?")

atlabs09 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:e53debfb-63ac-4203-8aa2-bb80c67e669b">Re: So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Really? You want your BF to textmessage your father about your marriage ? If ANYTHING other than a meeting in person, it would be done in a phone call, not over text, and even that is less than optimal. FI and I drove 5 hours to get my parents' blessing together, so it is doable. You just have to coordinate lunch with your parents. This isn't what you asked for advice about, but if your BF is asking for permission, have you thought about what you're going to do if your dad doesn't give it? Also, how old are you?
Posted by caitlin.cave[/QUOTE]

<strong><font color="#000080">Im 26, going on 27
</font></strong>

LilTexasGal · June 2012

You read online... so you haven't the mind of your own to make your own choice? Do you want your BF to ask your dad? That would be the first thing I asked myself. I personally did not want my FI to ask for permission to marry me, like PP I felt it was a very antiquated tradition.

If, for some reason he cannot drive 3 hours to ask your dad in person, then a phone call would be the next best thing. Also, don't feel the need to leave out important punctuation while over using it in other areas. It makes it hard to take your question seriously.

thelamarrs · June 2012

Is him asking your father really important to you? Do you feel like you require his permission?

If travelling is too much of a hassle for your BF then I would imagine a phone call could suffice. And I would also imagine an actual call would be better than a text.

atlabs09 · June 2012

Im taking this as every one is calling me dumb for asking this question... NM then.

peekaboo2011 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:677db6ef-e89b-4911-927a-2cdc502bda75">Re: So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So..... : Im 26, going on 27
Posted by atlabs09[/QUOTE]

I find this hard to believe.

Also, you didn't answer the question of what you're going to do if your dad says no.

LaSak87 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:c816f2fb-5fa9-438d-920f-4eab7ba666dd">Re: So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You read online. .. so you haven't the mind of your own to make your own choice?</strong> Do you want your BF to ask your dad? That would be the first thing I asked myself. I personally did not want my FI to ask for permission to marry me, like PP I felt it was a very antiquated tradition. If, for some reason he cannot drive 3 hours to ask your dad in person, then a phone call would be the next best thing. <strong>Also, don't feel the need to leave out important punctuation while over using it in other areas. It makes it hard to take your question seriously.</strong>
Posted by LilTexasGal[/QUOTE]
This and this. You need to decide if it is important that your BF asks your father for his blessing. Do you think it would be important to your father? This has nothing to do with what other couples do or what is "widely accepted."

Peaseblossom55 · June 2012

II think a phone call would be fine, not a text or email though, it's something way too important.

jemmini6 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:1dd528a0-b0b2-4ff5-8442-15acf2b6e810">Re: So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Im taking this as every one is calling me dumb for asking this question... NM then.
Posted by atlabs09[/QUOTE]

How so? You asked if we thought it was okay to text your dad. We told you no. Your question was answered.

Any additional comments have been more directed on the actual asking of the question in general and whether it's something that's really important to you, or if you feel you have to. Normally, people are either all for the tradition, or completely against it. If you are all for it, then generally you'd make the effort to do it the traditional way (in person), but since you asked how to do it differently, it makes people think that maybe you are ambivalent to it, in which case I'd suggest just not doing it at all over doing it over the phone.

There's nothing wrong with it either way, just offering the suggestion that it's not really necessary at all, so don't feel pressured into doing it if you can't do it 'correctly'.

FreeSpirit666 · June 2012

Hi hi, not to swim against the current but either way is good. Its your engagement, no one else's so do it the way you feel is right. I think if the distance is truly a problem, a call would be good. BTW, Congrats!!!!!!

GoldenPenguin · June 2012

1. You're not 26 going on 27. You're 26. Most people stop saying "...going on..." when they're eight... going on nine.

2. "~Forver and Always Travis & Andrea 9/23/08 ~" What is a "forver" ?

GoldenPenguin · June 2012

Also, does he not ever visit you? Even if he doesn't, if this is THAT important to you, it's THREE HOURS. I'm driving three hours tomorrow, for a job interview, that I might not get. I don't think three hours is a crazy distance to meet the father of the WOMAN YOU WANT TO MARRY.

TheMutleys · June 2012

Has your BF even met your family?

I don't see 3 hours driving as a distance that makes it impossible for your BF to ask in person if that is what the two of you would like.

PearlyPanda · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:00b829cb-8e5b-4a87-92ae-90c2e7e6fd64">Re: So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I would hope that my boyfriend would at least CALL my dad and ask. Not email or text him. This is only as a last resort because my family is totally traditional.
Posted by JordanL1221[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this, calling your dad seems like the best option if he wants to ask.

</div>

atlabs09 · June 2012

Okay, thanks for all your feedback

jaycee7389 · June 2012

26? Wow.

I don't understand the whole 'read it online' thing. He doesn't have to ask your dad anything. It is a nice gesture, sure, and if it's something you both want--great. Sending a text message or e-mail is disrespectful, IMO. Why can't he simply drive 3 hours or maybe even make a phone call?

Wrkn925 · June 2012

FI had the ring for three months and didn't propose because we all had a busy few months, and the one time we saw my Dad he couldn't shake me off, apparently. He didn't want to do it over the phone.

What's wrong with waiting until the next time you see him?

jorja86 · June 2012

Yeah, the OP read to me like the BF may have never even met the family.

If that's the case, I'd arrange for that to happen before he shoots them a text asking for your hand in marriage.

thejucheidea · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:677db6ef-e89b-4911-927a-2cdc502bda75">Re: So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So..... : Im 26, going on 27
Posted by atlabs09[/QUOTE]
Yeah, that's typically the orders in which those numbers go.

LilTexasGal · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:9f8cbc2c-a6d3-4de9-93d7-12e112dc3903">Re: So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: So..... : Yeah, that's typically the orders in which those numbers go.
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

<div><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9nji5A9-R0&feature=related" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9nji5A9-R0&feature=related</a></div><div>
</div><div>Rolf and Liesl verify that 16 is in fact going on 17... might have to get some extra verification of 26 going on 27.</div>

atlabs09 · June 2012

Trav and I talked and he is gonna make it where he meets up with my dad one day and ask him. I think it would be repectful on my dad's part, after all, hes gonna hand me to Trav when I get married. If he cant meet up, then a phone call is a last resort. But my BF is gonna ask in person when the time is rite. If my Dadsays no ( which I doubt he knows we love each other very much ) But if he were to say no, I'm gonna marry Trav whether they like or not. I understand that I have a long history of health issues, but Im capable of cleaning, cooking, ect. Just gonna be alil hard for me but Trav is there to help me.

Now the reason why I asked this question was because I didnt know with the way society is now, begin in 2012 its not like in the olden days. I guess some things still apply as in family wishes.

Thanks for all the feedback!

atlabs09 · June 2012

<p>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_so-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:dd45586b-99be-4378-a15c-a3f22a5a80d6Post:4d34a702-5fa3-4b23-bfb1-3c1d0d6967d3">Re: So.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi hi, not to swim against the current but either way is good. Its your engagement, no one else's so do it the way you feel is right. I think if the distance is truly a problem, a call would be good. BTW, Congrats!!!!!!
Posted by FreeSpirit666[/QUOTE]

<strong><font color="#000080">Thank you FreeSpirit666!!: Im glad someone here agrees with me for once. </font></strong></p><p><strong><font color="#000080">I guess it my mistake for asking such a quesion and get bashed about it here on TheKnot , I really though id get postive feedback, not bashing so with that, im not posting anymore and to BriSox81, I just made a lil mistake in my siggy, ok? No need to point it out for everyone to see and make a big deal about it.. thanks.</font></strong> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" /></p>

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