Your opinion. (a tad on the long side)

ecuchika · May 2010

Hi all! This is my first time posting on this board. I am getting married in June 2011. So I was looking at venues in a specific area and I got the oddest response from the guy who was showing us around one venue. I just want your opinion on this.

I grew up not far from Charlotte NC. Currently, I live on the other side of the state with my FI--went to college and never left my college town. FI were looking at moving back to my hometown but job transfers prevented that. FI grew up about 2.5 hours away from where I did and he has family all across the state and in TN. I have always wanted to get married in the mountains of NC since I was a little girl. Well from where where I grew up the mountains were not far. You can leave my Dad's house and about 10 mins down the road you can see the outline of the mtns in the horizion.

SKIP to venue searching:
So I was looking at a venue that was about 40min from my Dad's house. I was telling the guy we would need places to stay locally and explaining the fact that we live 5 hours away but my family is no more than 1 hour and FI family is a bit farther. So he says your having a destaination wedding! Not that I am opposed to them but my idea of DW are going to another state or island or something like that. We are IMO having a average to smaller wedding size with 150 people attending--but this number fully includes extended family of which we are close to AND friends.
Then he says a DW is where the wedding takes place in another city than where the Bride and Groom live. And where the guests attending have to have lodging.

So I said if we chose to have the wedding in Charlotte where 70% of the guests wouldn't have to have lodging but its not where we live would that be DW and he said YES! Then I said what if we have it in the town FI and I live and EVERYONE has to travel he said NO.

Not to mention when he asked how big the bridal party was I told him 7 on each side he was like 'ok like you will be friends with them in 20 years!' That was totally RUDE!!! I have a unique relationship with each of my BMs and i have been friends with these girls a LONG time. I was so happy to leave that place. It was beautiful and would have made my wedding but it was more than we wanted to spend and he just rubbed me the WRONG way!

There is a brighter side: we found a beautiful venue a rock quarry farm. Here is the thing its 1 hour from my dad's house. The direction is closer to FI family. So its ALMOST 1/2 way for both sides-just a tad closer to my side than his. BUT we have NO FAMILY in this town. The night of the wedding there will be a lot of people getting hotel rooms. FI and I live 3 hours from this venue.

So opinions from DW brides! Am I having a DW wedding? According to that dude we are; I have a different opinion.

Thanks for any comments!

natalie0131 · May 2010

Does it matter if you are having a destination wedding, or are you just trying to figure out if you belong on this board? No matter what you believe (if you're having a DW or not) the girls on this board have been super helpful/nice/welcoming/amazing, so consider yourself in the right place no matter what.

That first guy sounded so RUDE. I think I would have been done with him the second he said anything negative about my bridal party. Glad you found somewhere you love!

Meghangh · May 2010

Well first of all that guy is an a*hole... And I voted not only because an hour driving distance from the wedding location really isn't considered a DW...I think of a DW as traveling more than 3 hours to the location. You are traveling, but your family really is not.

If you want to be part of this board, you are more than welcome to though!

chosen175 · May 2010

The way I see it, if your venue is far enough away that you can't just stop by after work for a meeting/tasting and if you have to arrive the day before because it would be too much to travel on the day of the wedding, it's a DW. So welcome to the board and make yourself at home!

Beth0413 · May 2010

I voted "no", just because I don't feel that driving 40 minutes is a DW.

ecuchika · May 2010

Interesting responses so far.

Chosen: Your right I can't stop by after work for a tasting or meeting or whatever. But I didn't explain how often I go home! I have been know to drive home every weekend in an entire month if I have to. Home is what I consider that area where my dad lives. Its exhausting to do so but I honestly want to move back closer to my parents so bad. I was so close to moving at one point but my job transfer fell through! If I could survive with no income and FI didn't have an awesome job here I would quit my job in a heart beat and move home. But I have a wedding to pay for and a few important bills that prevents me from doing that.

Its hard for me to consider my old "stomping grounds" a DW. Its all home to me! This is the same town where I went out to dinner before my junior yr prom.

Before the wedding while I am finishing up final touches I will go stay with my daddy and I have a BM flying in she will stay with me b/c there is no need to have a hotel room for extra days when my dad has the room. For the wedding day I want a suit for the girls to get ready in and for my wedding night.

The owner of my venue is a 3rd gen. farmer. He mainly communicates through email or phone he isn't really the official meeting kinda of guy. In our first meeting it included us (me, FI, my cuz/MOH and her hubby a GM) at his house while his wife made supper and he kids were on the couch watching tv with a kiddy swimming pool in the middle of the floor full of golden retriever puppys and he offered us wine.

Anyone else have an opinion on this?

Thank you to all the nice people that have posted!

nboulanger · May 2010

I don't think it sounds like a destination wedding, especially since if something isn't in your town in NC its going to be an hour and a half away anyway!

But that shouldn't matter too much. I might be concerned with how this guy seems kind of weird. At first he seemed like a pretentious jerkface from Biltmore or something but with more details he sounds um.... country fantastic? I would suggest you try and get in touch with people who have worked with him before because he sounds like he's either a nice guy just kind of strange or has no clue what he's doing and is a nutjob.

That said, I am a transplant to NC so you might have a much more tolerant perspective than i do.

suzannepdc · May 2010

Grr. I wrote a response and it disappeared.

I think that the venue guy was a bit of a jerk. Anyway, I consider a DW where the location has no real connection to you or your family. By the venue guy's logic, anyone who wanted to get married in their hometown, but moved away would be having a DW, which makes no sense. So, that means that anyone who went to college away from their hometown and stayed there, but wanted to get married at home (which is pretty much every friend from high school) would be having a DW.

So, I guess I disagree with Lisa/Chosen too!

If we were not having a DW, but a more traditional one, it would be in VA or NY, but I live in TX. I would never consider that a DW. Likewise, our AHR is in CT b/c it's local to FI's family and many of our friends, but don't consider that a DW, just a pain to plan since we're out of town.

mishy112 · May 2010

I voted both Yes & No, but if pressed, I'd say no. I'm curious as to why it's important whether it is or not? Either way, feel free to stick around and get some help here.

LolaPizzy · May 2010

I said yes but after re-rereading, I'd say no. Even though it's a short drive from your hometown, it's still close enough to your hometown that you have a connection to it. I live in Philly and am getting married in Florida, and sometimes I feel like my wedding is more like a semi-DW compared to the DW happening on islands. And I do spend some time on the Florida board but I'm here mostly since I've gotten to know some of the DW gals and love to follow their progress.

I think the official venue guy sounds fine. The 1st guy definitely sounded like an a**. Not over the whole is or is not a DW topic, but the bridal party comment was out of line.

angybanez · May 2010

I think people's perspective of DWs are different. Someone living in NYC may think a wedding in Rhode Island is a destination wedding for them even if some of the family lives in the Rhode Island are. Even with local weddings often than not people have to book one night or two at a hotel. So others would think that a wedding in RI is not a destination wedding. However you may think of it, welcome to the board if you need any ideas!

ToBeMrs.O2011 · May 2010

I agree with pp, I'm not sure why it matters. For some it may be a DW, for others, it may not. You can think about it in which ever way makes you feel most comfortable and happy. The ladies here are amazing and whether yours is a DW or not, you're welcome here!

ecuchika · May 2010

I was just looking for opinions! I feel is isn't a DW but it seems that its a 50/50 split if it is or isn't. One thing I believe we all have in common though is the day we leave for our wedding adventure there isn't a going to run back home to grab this or that. We all will have to make sure its right the first time around! Most of my stuff for the wedding will be at my parents house to being with so thats good. FI and I are going to travel back home-here where we live--with his parents before we leave on our HM. FILS willl house sit and baby sit their furry grandchildren. Also, we are able to bring all our gifts home too!!

Thanks for all the opinions! And feel free to add more after this post!

Oh I don't think I mentioned my name...I'm Ginger....I may have a few questions for you ladies in the future! Thanks for being so nice and welcoming to me and my curious mind!!!

Your opinion. (a tad on the long side)

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