deleted..sorry :)

teacherbride30 · May 2011

deleted

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1c60eb-c562-42b0-b51c-f5fad28044b2Post:f7bfc584-e13a-4721-bc36-a561e479d012">Annoyed</a>:
[QUOTE]We were originally having a small wedding, but thanks to my FI, it has turned into something a lot bigger. We are having it near his home and his family's home. We are paying for it ourselves, but his niece and aunt will be decorating. I told his sister she could do what she wanted as far as decorating because 1. I'm not good at that kind of stuff and this isn't her first time 2. She lives right by the site and I'm 3 hours away. The problem is that his sister's daughter has a lot of teenage friends still in high school. They drink and I also taught some of them at one point. I do NOT want underage drinking at my wedding....I don't even want teenagers that I haven't invited there. His sister has asked me if a coworker of hers can come (I went to middle school with her but haven't seen her in 15 years). I said yes, but just wondering who else is going to be asked along the way. I'll be giving my sister 2 invites so that she can invite her 2 best friends (I know them both well). I Was thinking about doing the same with his sister. I keep asking my FI how many people are we looking at here....and he gets annoyed and says I'm obsessed with it. Our wedding is 2 months away and our place only holds a certain amount of people. Is it crazy to want to know how many people I'm actually inviting? It's a very small town we come from.....ugh. How should I handle this?
Posted by teacherbride30[/QUOTE]

Sounds like you have bigger problems than an expanding guest list.

mica178 · May 2011

I think it's very reasonable to want to know who is invited to your wedding and to limit the number. Tell your/FI's family that you need the names of everyone invited so that you can send them proper invitations (also, this is helpful if you need to write thank you notes afterwards). If they keep on asking to invite more people, tell them that you have limited space and that you want to keep the wedding intimate.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2011

2 months out, you should have your guest list finalized. The invites should be ready to go out fairly soon. Just address who is invited on the invite and if people add more on their RSVPs politely call them and let them know you can only accommodate XX.

Also, I doubt any underage drinking would be tolerated at any reputable place, so I suggest you let the bartender take care of that.

If people keep asking for people to come, just let them know there are space constraints and you do not have the room.

CassieeK · May 2011

If there are going to be any teenagers there, self-serve beer might not be a good idea.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2011

Well then either hire a bartender or do not let these children come. Just because your FSIL's daughter has friends does not mean that they are invited to your wedding. If they do come and drink you and the vendor can get in huge trouble. Just suck it up and tell them they cannot come. No Biggie.

scottswife1106 · May 2011

I'm still trying to get over the fact that you don't have a finalized guest list. How did that happen?

mica178 · May 2011

If you think it's going to be an issue, it's a good idea to have a bartender. Your FILs might want to consider event insurance for the party too.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1c60eb-c562-42b0-b51c-f5fad28044b2Post:8e490c0f-91d1-4bde-b5a9-658f4425ba57">Re: Annoyed</a>:
[QUOTE]We got engaged 3 weeks ago. Short engagement. We are doing the guest list this weekend. There aren't going to be teenagers invited, exceptfor his family....so I didn't think it would be an issue- but it could be.
Posted by teacherbride30[/QUOTE]

Ok. Then your FI needs to be more understanding. He needs to sit down & try to help you figure this out. He needs to deal with his family, you with yours. Get numbers asap. If you have alcohol in coolers, I would say no one under 21. That is just asking for trouble/legal issues.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2011

I don't have the energy for this, sorry.

jenjenaz · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1c60eb-c562-42b0-b51c-f5fad28044b2Post:69711575-97bc-42d3-8df7-4d9ca907b7c3">Re: Annoyed</a>:
[QUOTE]If you think it's going to be an issue, it's a good idea to have a bartender. Your FILs might want to consider event insurance for the party too.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]
I'm not a lawyer, but I"m pretty sure that, if you serve alcohol, and someone gets drunk and then drives off and kills someone, the person serving the alcohol (you guys) are potentially liable. That's one of the advantages to hiring someone to handle all of this for you, it would be under their liability.

If you invite under agers, I think you're possibly in more trouble.....

marinabreeze · May 2011

You and your FI seriously need to be on the same page when it comes to the wedding and your finances in general. More guests = more money. If you guys are paying for this yourselves, then you need to have a full-on discussion and agreement on what kind of wedding you guys are going to have.

Considering that you just got engaged three weeks ago and the wedding is set for two months from now, why the rush? On one hand, it really doesn't take long to put a wedding together. But it should be a concern that this noncommunication with wedding guests (and by extention wedding financials) and not being on the same page belie issues with relational communication and finances that will last past the wedding date. This seriously should be sorted out before you rush to marry this guy. Just a thought. Good luck.

klokowac · May 2011

Ditto with a couple things here. Namely that it sounds like you two have bigger issues to sort out than your wedding planning (e.g. communication). Also that you are setting yourself up for some big trouble by having underage people when there will be no regulation of alcohol. I would be curious to know what type of venue you have, because 1) I have never heard of a privately owned venue that wouldn't regulate the serving of alcohol, particularly if underage people are going to be present (that's a major violation) and 2) When I was looking at venues, none of them allowed me to purchase and provide my own alcohol (not saying this one couldn't happen, but it seems uncommon).

Why are you so concerned about his neices friends coming? If you don't want them there, don't invite them. I wouldn't invite them regardless because you won't have anyone controlling who is and isn't drinking. Save yourself the stress and don't invite anyone's underage friends. If you're going to have anyone there who is underage, limit it to family. I wouldn't want to deal with the stress of knowing I'm liable for any potential underage drinkers on my wedding day. And if you taught some of these kids before, and are still teaching at the school, and these kids dran at your weddingk (and ESPECIALLY if something happens to them as a direct result of their drinking) and news spread to your employer...well, I just don't see good things happening with that either.

Just save yourself the stress and don't invite anyone under 21 unless they are family.

Better yet, if you have a couple hundred dollars you can budget, just hire a bartender for a couple hours.

kyurcek · May 2011

Can you guys just hire an an acquaintance or someone for "security" to A) keep potential wedding crashers out, and

make sure people don't get too drunk and drive? I mean, it may be an expense you don't want to deal with, but it'd probably be cheaper than a bartender, and significantly cheaper than what you'd have to deal with if A) teenagers were drinking and cops came, and

people left, drove drunk, and injured someone else.

mica178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1c60eb-c562-42b0-b51c-f5fad28044b2Post:7459b1d3-4e15-41f4-9142-21a673d359e9">Re: Annoyed</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so concerned about her friends coming because there is a such thing as wedding crashers. I don't plan on inviting them....doesn't mean they won't show up. I don't want to get into specifics....but yes, we can have alcohol there. We are responsible adults, I really don't want to hire a bartender for teenagers who weren't invited.
Posted by teacherbride30[/QUOTE]

Then don't allow your teenaged relatives to bring friends.

If you think there's a high likelihood of wedding crashers, then either 1. get security and a bartender or 2. get married somewhere that your and FI's family won't feel so comfortable inviting crashers.

Birdie1483 · May 2011

OP, what type of event hall are you having your reception at? I ask because most event halls will require you to get a liquor license if you are serving beer. You can still serve it yourself, but they'll require you to purchase a single event license. This is to cover their butt as well.

While I know you don't want to hire a baretender, I would look into the prices and see what you find. You can purchase all of the alcohol yourself and only pay them hourly. This could also take care of the liquor license issue.

I know these details might seem like overkill, but it's better to be safe than sorry. This event is going to be larger than a typical family event and will be taking place at a location that is not someone's personal home. You could get into a lot of trouble if you don't cover your bases.

Birdie1483 · May 2011

Also, sit down your fiance and have a calm discussion about the wedding. Since you're so newly engaged, your FI probably doesn't understand why all of these details are important right now. However, since you guys are going to have such a short engagement, you need to nail down a guest list right away. Explain to him the need for a definite guest list and the timeframe that you're working with. I've found that sometimes I need to calmly lay things out for my FI for him to understand why I'm stressing out about something. He needs to listen to you and understand your needs.

thesequel · May 2011

Get wedding insurance if you are having self-serve alcohol and make sure that your liquor license is done!

Also see if you can hire a bartender to watch everyone's drinking so that you are not liable in case anything happens - too much liquor or underage drinking.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1c60eb-c562-42b0-b51c-f5fad28044b2Post:ad9f43af-8857-4567-8a2b-61cad15c15d4">Re: Annoyed</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having it at a community center out in the country. It's a really small town. My FI's family owns a bunch of land. They literally own the land 10 feet away from the community center. His idea was to put the tent over there with the alcohol....I don't know, I don't feel like I have much control over it at this point...
Posted by teacherbride30[/QUOTE]

You need to be able to talk to your FI. You two need to be a team. You don't have silly concerns. Liability & underage drinking can cause big issues. Figure it out together. If you can't, then what about the bigger issues (debt, kids, etc.)? Both of you should be about to listen to the other. If not...maybe you should slow down.

Ghoti · May 2011

Don't delete your OP, it's really offensive and makes it so all the women who posted wasted their time.

nycheryl · May 2011

Thank goodness for quotes... (for those of us who missed the drama)

MandK9 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_annoyed-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af1c60eb-c562-42b0-b51c-f5fad28044b2Post:bff924ce-2160-4226-b149-95171b60a775">Re: deleted..sorry :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't delete your OP, it's really offensive and makes it so all the women who posted wasted their time.
Posted by Ghoti[/QUOTE]

This, plus it's pointless, because you've been quoted...

teacherbride30 · May 2011

sorry...thanks to everyone!! We figured it all out.

Birdie1483 · May 2011

That was lame.

deleted..sorry :)

Re: deleted..sorry :)

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