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Don't want to step on any toes.... :/

Hi all,                                                   

My fiance and I got engaged just the other day, but we've been "planning" our wedding for quite some time and have had a date in mind for a few months now.                                        

A friend of ours (I won't say a close friend, but more than an aquaintance) got engaged about a month ago. We found out that she is getting married the week after the date we have in mind. We would have some mutual friends who would be invited to both weddings but I don't think there would be a huge amount.                            

So now we are engaged and going though the process of letting people know. While telling a mutual friend of our plans, he mentioned that the venue we wouldlike is also the same as the other engaged couple (we are all military and it's on base). So not only are we planning to get married the week before, but also at the same place.                          

The date was chosen because depending on which route FH takes, he will either be gone May - late Aug or just July - late Aug that year so we needed something after that time period but before he went back to school. There’s no chance of us “upstaging” them because, to be blunt, they have much more money than us and I’m sure will have a more high-scale ceremony than we plan on having.                                   

FH would like to sit down and chat with her (he’s closer to her than I am) just to let her know that we mean no hurt feelings by doing this.

 

Would you be upset?

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Re: Don't want to step on any toes.... :/

  • Honestly no I would not be upset.  People have gotten married at my venue before and it's really no big deal.  Even if the weddings are one week apart, I don't see how it would matter. 

    You don't and they don't have a date unless something is booked and signed so before worrying about any of this, I would first check and see if the vendor is available by that time. 

    I think it's a good idea that FI talk to her about it first.  It's not necessary but it definitely shows that you care about how they feel about it as well.

    Good luck!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_dont-want-step-toes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b566dafe-8e8f-4279-b312-8158a38182fdPost:345f9fce-3604-4ab7-a0ad-a3b82cfbb258">Re: Don't want to step on any toes.... :/</a>:
    [QUOTE]You only get one day.  Your friend gets her day, too.  Unless you are both choosing the same day, you should be happy for her and get over this.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    I don't think OP was ever NOT happy for her.  The way I understand it, she was worried the other bride would be upset.

    OP,  I think you're fine to continue with your plans.  The other bride gets one day, not an entire month, season, year, etc.  You will not be doing anything wrong by choosing the weekend before.  If the other bride is upset, that's her problem. 

    Two people with the same venue likely have very different weddings anyway.  You will have different attire, food, cakes, centerpieces, flowers, etc.

    I wouldn't think twice about this if I was in your shoes, or the other bride's shoes.
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  • I wouldn't be upset. Just because they are at the same venue does not mean it will be exactly the same, ya know? I'm sure each wedding will be personalized to meet your different personalities.  I agree with Cynthia though, it is nice that your FI is going to talk to her to make sure there arn't any hurt feelings. Congrats on your engagement!
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  • No, I don't think you're stepping on her toes by going with the date you have in mind. Everyone gets ONE day, not a week, month, etc. So as long as you're not going to choose to get married on the same day you're fine.
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  • Thanks all!

    FH is going to chat with her tonight - hopefully she feels the same as all of you!
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  • I was on the other side of this when I had a date set and someone else planned for the week after mine. At first I was annoyed because we share a lot(almost half of the guest list) of the same friends and didn't think it was fair to them to be asked to go to two weddings so close together. I got over that fast, so if your friend has an issue it should pass. Besides that with your circumstances and time restrictions she will understand. I think it is a great idea to talk with her about it and not blind side her, that was part of my original problem. As far as the venue, use what you like and can afford it is your day and no two weddings are the same.
  • Since it sounds like she's a military bride too, she should understand the scheduling difficulties, as well as both of you wanting the same venue. I'm sure that if she's worried about the overlap you guys can chat and make sure you choose diff colors or something.

    congratus and good luck!
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  • You do your thing and let her do hers. You never know, maybe you can use some of hte same vendors and get referral discounts, or share some decor. 
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  • Update - she was fine with it!!! :)

    She and her fiance are meeting with the venue next week and even told my FH that if we had any preliminary questions they would be happy to ask for us!

    That's a huge relief.
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  • I'm glad it worked out for you :) Happy Planning!
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  • That's great!  Good luck with everything
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  • Steps to take to remedy any issues:

    1. Invite your friend over
    2. Pour some wine and enjoy it.
    3. Grab some popcorn
    4. Pop "Bride Wars" into the DVD player.
    5. Enjoy! (Repeat step 2 as necessary!)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_dont-want-step-toes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b566dafe-8e8f-4279-b312-8158a38182fdPost:82696cb4-1b7f-4207-a973-414974784483">Re: Don't want to step on any toes.... :/</a>:
    [QUOTE]Steps to take to remedy any issues: 1. Invite your friend over 2. Pour some wine and enjoy it. 3. Grab some popcorn 4. Pop "Bride Wars" into the DVD player. 5. Enjoy! (Repeat step 2 as necessary!)
    Posted by HYDROPHILE[/QUOTE]

    Great advice! :)
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