What to call them?

cmhadley · March 2010

Hi ladies! First off I want to say congrats to all! Secondly, I'd like to say I'm so sorry that some of you are having issues with your families not being supportive! That's so crazy! My family has been incredibly supportive, as has my groom's family.

I have a 5 year old son and wonderful future in-laws that adore him, as well as a future husband that is crazy about him. My son's father is still very active in his life (even though we have our hang-ups). My question is: What should my son call my future husband and his parents? Right now he calls them by their first names....but I feel like with their bond...there should be better names....any suggestions??

Cassie =0)

SoulMistress · March 2010

I've wondered what to do when the time comes for me, too!

My ex just got engaged and went out of his way to assure me that he told our son that his new wife will be our son's STEPmother, not his MOTHER. That they're both great, but they're different things. This spoke volumes to me in that he will not want my son calling a stepfather 'dad' or 'daddy'. Though we haven't hit that point yet, I figure when the time comes, I'll let my son and husband decide. And if my son wants to call both of them daddy, so be it. What's important is that your child be happy with it and not feel pressure.

As far as grandparents/stepgrandparents....
My mom and dad are Nana and Gramps.
Ex's mom and dad are Grammy and PopPop.
My grandmothers are still alive, so he calls them what I have always called them... Grama and Granny (or GG for 'great-granny').

I've heard people call their grandparents Papa and Meemaw, Grandad and Mimi, Oma and Opa (german for grandma and grandpa), Mamaw, etc. What it comes down to is your child's comfort level with them. It'll work itself out, I'm sure. How fun to see it all unfold!!!

congratulations!

geordieboysgirl · March 2010

I think you let it evolve by itself. My son is an adult so it wasn't issue for us but oddly our engagement resulted in my sweetie calling his stepmother "Mom" for the first time (and she's been his step-mom for 20 years!!). I know my nephew called his first step father "dad" and his second step father by his first name (yeah I know - my sister's issues not mine). As they say, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

CCH

right1thistime · March 2010

It's hard to undo a name that he already knows them by. So how about Grammy Jane And Grampy Joe? or Nana Beth and Puppa Bill? or Meme Marie and Pepe Pete? Whatever set of grandparents names he doesn't already use- add that to their given names.

I have to add that if they already have grandchildren- they may already have grandparent names. My aunt and uncle became Mimi and Peepa when their first granddaughter couldn't say Meme and Pepere. Every subsequent grandchild has called them that.

And I agree with the pp who said to let it work itself out. He's young, it may evolve. ~Donna

pamila51510 · March 2010

I say let it evolve. Just because of your day and your union does your child all of a sudden need to go with something different. If he wishes to call them different names. This will be my 3rd marriage. Ugh anyway. My twins who are 17 call their 2nd father Daddy John. So they have a Dad & a daddy John. My daughters all call my Fiance' by his first name and we all think that it is great. No change will happen because we are married but those were names they developed on their own.

deepcovejackie · March 2010

My life has been a little odd. I have 2 (TWO) sets of parents. My adoptive and my biological sets. My kids know both, and know them as grandparental units. My ex's dad has remarried so they have her too as a grandmother. Also, my fiance's mom is super excited to have kids in her life (my kids are her first "grandkids"--she carries wallet photos. So we have:

Mormor-biological grandmother
Morfar-biological grandfather (We're Danish)
Grandma-adoptive grandmother
Grandpa-adoptive grandfather
Grandma Shirley-step-grandmother (on ex's side)
Grandpa Thomson-biological grandfather (ex)
Grandma Anne-biological grandmother
Grandma Lucille-FI's mom

They are all equally loved by the kids. My advice is, the kids will take their cues from you. Involve all of them, and the kids will follow suit. There is huge positive to having so many loving adults in their lives. It's not confusion, it's just loving and wonderful influence! Congrats to you and to your child!

LesPaul · March 2010

This will resolve itself - don't force it. Everyone will get into a comfortable place where they use the terms of endearment that fit. My daughters call their stepmom by her first name, but her parents are Grandma and Grandpa Jones. They call my new DH by his first name. I call my new MIL by her first name, but refer to her as 'Mom' more often as time goes by. My first MIL and her husband I call by first names, but first FIL I call 'Dad'. Don't overthink it . . . just let it develop on its own.

ccallaway03 · March 2010

I had this hang-up as well. My FI sat down and told my boys(6 &4) that it is their choice as to what they want to call him. He is going to be their step-dad, not their real dad. (Even though my ex and myself do not get along, he is still a good father). I did not have the problem of them calling his parents any names prior to Grammy and Pop...mainly because my FI and his family have been in my life for well over 10 yrs and have been in the boys lives since they were born. My FI and I started dating about 4 months after my ex and I split(yes, we were still married, but most definately seperated). They had always called him by his first name, and they continue to do so. That will be their choice to make. I can say that my youngest absolutely adores my FI and has on occassion called him "Daddy". My oldest is a daddy's boy(and I'm fine with that), and he calls my FI by his first name all the time.

I know I ramble, but in short, the best advice I can give you, is to sit down and explain to your child that this man you are marrying is going to be his step-father, and not his real father. That no one is replacing his real father. Then have your FI tell him that he can call him whatever he sees appropriate. Don't let your FI get his feelings hurt if your child calls him by his first name for a while. If they develop a good bond, I am sure one day it will change, but I don't feel that is something that should be pushed upon any child. As for the grandparents, I agree with "right1thistime"...try adding Grammy or Grampy or other names to their first names...eventually the first names will fall off and they will just be Grammy and Grampy.

Sue-n-Kevin · March 2010

I agree with all the above. And, LMAO at all the different names for all the different grandparents-steps-etc.

Leave it to them. As humans, we all learn what to call other people over time. My kids call my parents and my ex's parents "Nana and Papa", and as a child I never used those terms. I can't even remember where, how,or why they started using it. But it was what they learned and called them.

Good luck.

jodylynn78 · March 2010

My daughter is 6. Her father is very active in her life. She calls my fiance by his first name, although sometimes she calls him "my dad" when she's talking about him. She calls his parents Grandma and Grandpa and refers to his brother as her Uncle.

nene0182 · March 2010

MY FI and I have been together for almost 3 years and my almost 7 year old son calls him by his first name. He also calls FI's parents by their first names. We've decided to let him choose what he wishes to call them.

What to call them?

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