"Generosity bar"

greenbevin211 · December 2011

In trying to think of ways to cut costs, my dad came up with the idea of a "Generosity Bar" in which the guests would be invited to bring their own alcohol that would be served by a licensed bartender during the reception. The invitation would read something like this:

"Reception and Generosity Bar to follow. Guests are invited to bring drinks to share. Bartender will be present."

So, basically it's like a house party

Anyway, I was just wanting to get some feedback and opinions. Is it tacky or alternative and cool?

What are your thoughts?

kmmssg · December 2011

Please don't do that. There is nothing generous about it, it would be really, really, really tacky. Plan and pay what you can afford. If you can't afford alcohol then have a dry wedding, but please please please do not listen to Dad on this one.

Your reception is your thank you to your guests. You do not ask them to bring their own refreshements to their thank you, you provide them. Bad idea.

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

No. It's never a good idea to ask your guests to help host your wedding. It's not so much tacky as it is rude.

If you can't afford the bar, either have a limited bar with what you can afford or have a dry wedding.

greenbevin211 · December 2011

Thanks! That's the direction I was leaning.

aragx6 · December 2011

kmmsg is exactly right. The reception, even if you don't make it a super formal event (which it absolutely doesn't have to be) must be completely hosted. It's the thank you to your guests for attending your wedding ceremony.

I've been to several weddings where only beer and wine was offered, and that can be a great cost saver to look into.

trixie549 · December 2011

Sorry, but I don't think BYOB is appropriate for a wedding at all.

greenbevin211 · December 2011

Totally agree. Thanks!

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:ff6d08fc-a1b0-46b2-8b8c-24e353706c21">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks! That's the direction I was leaning.
Posted by greenbevin211[/QUOTE]

<div>You've got some good instincts.</div><div>
</div><div>Now, if you do have the option to bring in booze, there are plenty of ways to do that on a budget. Some liquor stores will give you a discount if you buy in bulk, and will even let you return unopened bottles. </div><div>
</div><div>Or I had a friend that went and bought one bottle of liquor with each paycheck leading up to the wedding. (It didn't save her anything, but she didn't feel it as much.) </div><div>
</div><div>Also, limiting what you serve will save you a ton. How about beer/wine and 1-2 signature drinks? Just cutting out all the mixers will make a huge difference in cost. </div>

greenbevin211 · December 2011

My wedding is about a year and a half away and I've been talking about spreading the cost out so it's not such a whomping later down the road. The only thing is that I would have to make sure to buy liquor that keeps. My grandpa bought sparkling cider in advance for my aunts wedding and when it ended up falling through, he had a hundred bottles of sour cider. And while I don't plan on my wedding not happening, if that did happen, perhaps having all that alcohol for myself would be a good thing! Just kidding

But, in all seriousness, purchasing it over time is a good idea. Thanks for the suggestion!

jemmini6 · December 2011

Honestly, I would rather attend a cash bar wedding and pay a little more for my own drinks than to bring a bottle to share. Point being, if I buy a bottle of Grey Goose, and other's buy a bottle of Popov and I go up to the bar to get a vodka soda, I'd be pretty annoyed to get poured a drink with Popov because everyone else already drank my Grey Goose, ya know?

ccollazo1113 · December 2011

My friend did something similar.
t was not stated anywhere on the invitation but rather on her wedding website under additional information.
Our friends are drinkers - no one thought it was tacky at all.

"Water, soda, beer, wine, and a limited selection of alcohol will be provided but if you'd like to bring your own, you're more than welcome to do so."

KH 2012 · December 2011

just do wine and beer open bar!

Erinkathleen84 · December 2011

Do what you want. It's your party !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just know that people may think it is really tacky and rude. But if you do not care what they think..go for it.

If you do care what people think I would just buy alcohol in bulk. You save a lot this way. I would much rather purchase alcohol then have a dry event.

rokagrl13 · December 2011

I think our wedding party will probably bring anything nicer to the reception themselves. IE, my man likes a nice glass of scotch and I'm not paying for everyone to have it ($100 a bottle) so while we will have beer and wine for everyone, we will probably have an expensive bottle at the wedding party table for just him and the groomsmen.

I may get off cheaper though on booze because my Aunt runs a bar. Lucky Us

jessicabessica · December 2011

<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:c0575da2-6ff0-4fc1-b155-4f836d8e98d8">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]I think our wedding party will probably bring anything nicer to the reception themselves. IE, my man likes a nice glass of scotch and I'm not paying for everyone to have it ($100 a bottle) so while we will have beer and wine for everyone, we will probably have an expensive bottle at the wedding party table for just him and the groomsmen. I may get off cheaper though on booze because my Aunt runs a bar. Lucky Us :)
Posted by rokagrl13[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't tier your guests by providing some things for the wedding party but not for everyone. Would you serve your wedding party lobster and filet, while everyone else ate chicken? It's fine not to provide a full open bar--host what you can afford--but I would recommend that your FI share the scotch with his groomsmen while they are getting ready for the wedding, not at the reception. </div></div>

calibud8 · December 2011

don't do BYOB and don't do cash bar. This is your thank you for the guests for coming. Both are tacky and rude. Host the bar, limit the bar or dont have it.

banana468 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:c0575da2-6ff0-4fc1-b155-4f836d8e98d8">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]I think our wedding party will probably bring anything nicer to the reception themselves. IE, my man likes a nice glass of scotch and I'm not paying for everyone to have it ($100 a bottle) so while we will have beer and wine for everyone, we will probably have an expensive bottle at the wedding party table for just him and the groomsmen. I may get off cheaper though on booze because my Aunt runs a bar. Lucky Us :)
Posted by rokagrl13[/QUOTE]

If I were your guest and saw this, I'd be so irritated.

You want to treat your WP nicely? Take them out to dinner before the wedding. Don't treat a group better than another.

calibud8 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:c0575da2-6ff0-4fc1-b155-4f836d8e98d8">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]I think our wedding party will probably bring anything nicer to the reception themselves. IE, my man likes a nice glass of scotch and I'm not paying for everyone to have it ($100 a bottle) <strong>so while we will have beer and wine for everyone, we will probably have an expensive bottle at the wedding party table for just him and the groomsmen.</strong> I may get off cheaper though on booze because my Aunt runs a bar. Lucky Us :)
Posted by rokagrl13[/QUOTE]

don't do that either. it's basically telling your guests they aren't "good enough" to get the expensive alcohol. Treat everyone the same.

alithebride · December 2011

lol what on earth is generous about having someone bring their own drinks? it's not generous-it's cheap.

lyndausvi · December 2011

It's funny how different people entertain. We are having a house party tomorrow and we are providing all the alcohol. All my family and friends do also when then entertain.

Now we will have Stoli over Grey Goose, but most vodka drinkers I know might like a certain brand, but will drink whatever's put in front of them KWIM? This is for the poster who wants different drinks for the guests and WP... point being while it would be nice to provide a $100 bottle of scotch to your BM, he will more than likely still drink something else if it's not available, so just provide what you can afford for everyone to get and give him a nice bottle as a gift or something.

kristinanddan · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:c0575da2-6ff0-4fc1-b155-4f836d8e98d8">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]I think our wedding party will probably bring anything nicer to the reception themselves. IE, my man likes a nice glass of scotch and I'm not paying for everyone to have it ($100 a bottle) so while we will have beer and wine for everyone, we will probably have an expensive bottle at the wedding party table for just him and the groomsmen. I may get off cheaper though on booze because my Aunt runs a bar. Lucky Us :)
Posted by rokagrl13[/QUOTE]

<div>That's uber tacky</div>

kristinanddan · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:185666c9-57b5-4d2f-95aa-f45d0c0cb640">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]It's funny how different people entertain. We are having a house party tomorrow and we are providing all the alcohol. All my family and friends do also when then entertain.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>Lol this is what I was thinking when I was reading that it would be like a house party. If we're <em>inviting</em> people to an event, we're providing everything for them. </div>

rokagrl13 · December 2011

Perhaps let me explain this more. I was planning on purchasing a nice bottle of scotch for him that he has been eying for some time. The plan is to buy the bottle and surprise him by having it at his seat at the reception. It's not like he is going to be waving it around and we are skimping everyone else. We are all going to be having the same of everything else but I feel like it is his special day too and he deserves it. I've been to weddings like this before and have never felt cheated or thought it was tacky. I thought it was sweet that the bride would do something for the groom to that extent. And the $100 was me being modest because it will more than likely be closer to $300.

So what I'm hearing is, I'm not allowed to get him a nice bottle of scotch for our wedding that we are paying for? I've never heard of people being so uptight about a nice gesture like that at a wedding.

I think it's wonderful. So you are telling me you would be offended if you were at someones wedding and the only thing different was a gift he got from his wife?

aragx6 · December 2011

If you want to gift it to him, do so before the ceremony. A lot of couples exchange gifts that morning. It's not going to look like a gift from you when the whole bridal party is up there drinking $300 scotch.

You see this come up a lot with champagne, and that's not cool. This is no different.

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:7fe4c831-b093-4c89-8619-e7a57e543697">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps let me explain this more. I was planning on purchasing a nice bottle of scotch for him that he has been eying for some time. The plan is to buy the bottle and surprise him by having it at his seat at the reception. It's not like he is going to be waving it around and we are skimping everyone else. We are all going to be having the same of everything else but I feel like it is his special day too and he deserves it. I've been to weddings like this before and have never felt cheated or thought it was tacky. I thought it was sweet that the bride would do something for the groom to that extent. And the $100 was me being modest because it will more than likely be closer to $300. So what I'm hearing is, I'm not allowed to get him a nice bottle of scotch for our wedding that we are paying for? I've never heard of people being so uptight about a nice gesture like that at a wedding. :( I think it's wonderful. So you are telling me you would be offended if you were at someones wedding and the only thing different was a gift he got from his wife?
Posted by rokagrl13[/QUOTE]

<div>You are completely missing the point. It is rude to offer something to some guests but not all guests. Would you have a dinner party and offer steak to a few guests but serve burgers to the rest? This is exactly what you are doing. It's not about being uptight. It's about making the rest of your guests feel second class. You don't have to be uptight or even know basic manners to know that is wrong. </div><div>
</div><div>It's great that you'd like to get him a nice bottle of scotch. Buy the bottle, write a nice note, and have it brought to where ever the guys are getting ready before the wedding. They'll be able to have a toast together, and even get some great photos of it. </div><div>
</div><div>And yes, I would be offended if I were at a wedding or any party where the host tired the guests this way. </div>

RamonaFlowers · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:651380a4-7b47-4665-97a5-fa58ab33dd6a">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "Generosity bar" : You are completely missing the point. It is rude to offer something to some guests but not all guests. Would you have a dinner party and offer steak to a few guests but serve burgers to the rest? This is exactly what you are doing. It's not about being uptight. It's about making the rest of your guests feel second class. You don't have to be uptight or even know basic manners to know that is wrong. <strong>It's great that you'd like to get him a nice bottle of scotch. Buy the bottle, write a nice note, and have it brought to where ever the guys are getting ready before the wedding. They'll be able to have a toast together, and even get some great photos of it.</strong> And yes, I would be offended if I were at a wedding or any party where the host tired the guests this way.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

It's not about giving him the scotch. It's about giving it to him so he and the GMs can drink it at the reception while the rest of your guests aren't being granted the same courtesy.

If you want to give him the scotch as a wedding present, either do the bolded part, or have it set up waiting for him in your hotel room for after the reception/first day of the honeymoon.

lyndausvi · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_generosity-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:47dd0549-8bac-4a80-a3c5-81af6238fa87Post:88e32b93-60af-4eee-80c9-533d16f37ffe">Re: "Generosity bar"</a>:
[QUOTE]If you want to gift it to him, do so before the ceremony. A lot of couples exchange gifts that morning. It's not going to look like a gift from you when the whole bridal party is up there drinking $300 scotch. You see this come up a lot with champagne, and that's not cool. This is no different.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS.</div><div>
</div><div>I think the gift is wonderful. I just do not think giving it to him at the reception with the intentions of having him drink it at the reception is a good idea. </div><div>
</div><div>Are you bringing in your own alcohol? If not it might be a problem anyway. A lot of venues do not allow outside alcohol to be consumed.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe I have selfish friends, but my $300+ scotch drinking friends would hoarding the bottle than freely distribute it at a wedding reception. Don't get me wrong, they share their expensive stash, just not at a reception-type party. As the groom he will not have control of the bottle because he would be too busy. As the alcohol flows you would be surprised how much others will dip into the stash than your beloved.</div><div>
</div><div>Nope, sharing the stash like a $300 bottle of scotch would be reserved for a private party, the limo from the ceremony to the reception, getting ready, at the small after-party, etc.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

NOLAbridealmost · December 2011

To reiterate what others have already said: get him the scotch! That's a great gift. But give it to your H either before the wedding or after the wedding. Or get enough of it to offer it to all guests (not that all guests are going to end up being scotch drinkers).

The bottom line is, you don't want a situation where a guest sees someone with a glass of something tasty looking and they go "Oh where'd you get that?" and they learn t's a "oh, it's just for the WP" situation. It's awkward and makes people feel like second tier guests.

mlisa04 · December 2011

Don't do that. Better to have just beer and wine. Or no alcohol

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