Please someone, help me!

ASerbu · August 2010

Hi,

I am not only a bride-to-be, but also the MOH in my sisters wedding in a few months. However, I am not the only MOH, her future sister-in-law is ALSO a MOH. The problem is with the planning of both the shower and the bach. party. I am listening to my sister, but every time I try to do anything I get mass resistance from the other MOH. She has even gotten to the point of calling to yell at me.

All she keeps saying is "the is going way overboard" and that she has other bills and other weddings and can't spend too much money. We have so far spend approximately $300 on the entire party (centerpieces, cake, invites, games, prizes, location, tables, and chairs).

It is now coming out that my sister doesn't actually like this girl, but she is more local than I am, and she thought that it would be easier. The other MOH also says if we plan what my sister wants for her bach. party, she will not come.

Oh, and now my sisters future MIL has decided to jump in the ring in defense of her daughter. I do not want to start a fight, but I feel like telling her to step aside if she doesn't want to help. I am trying to give my sister what she wants. What do I do?

trix1223 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_please-someone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:63d6be5e-a555-425d-83dc-ef0edb4f8919Post:03d59c4c-3913-4c96-ac00-eda42233145b">Please someone, help me!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, I am not only a bride-to-be, but also the MOH in my sisters wedding in a few months. However, I am not the only MOH, her future sister-in-law is ALSO a MOH. The problem is with the planning of both the shower and the bach. party. I am listening to my sister, but every time I try to do anything I get mass resistance from the other MOH. She has even gotten to the point of calling to yell at me. All she keeps saying is "the is going way overboard" and that she has other bills and other weddings and can't spend too much money. We have so far spend approximately $300 on the entire party (centerpieces, cake, invites, games, prizes, location, tables, and chairs). It is now coming out that my sister doesn't actually like this girl, but she is more local than I am, and she thought that it would be easier. The other MOH also says if we plan what my sister wants for her bach. party, she will not come. Oh, and now my sisters future MIL has decided to jump in the ring in defense of her daughter. I do not want to start a fight, but I feel like telling her to step aside if she doesn't want to help. I am trying to give my sister what she wants. What do I do?
Posted by ASerbu[/QUOTE]

Sorry, you're not going to like this. It's up to you and the other MOH to plan together what you can both afford. It's really poor form for you to plan a party-albeit what your sister wants-if the other MOH can't afford it.

ChandraDee · August 2010

I say bite the bullet and try to plan something that they can afford and will attend...then have an "after party" for the stuff your sis wants. I've been to lots of bachelorette parties like that...there are two parts. People can choose which they want to attend. You can invite the complainers to both but tell them you are only having the second half to please your sis and it will require more money so if they don't want to chip in, they can go home. (Say it nicer than that, of course!) Others will probably prefer the "fun" part to the "nice" part of the party anyway and may only come to that part. Ask everyone to bring $10 to help you pay for it if needed.

Hope this helps!

AdeleDazeem · August 2010

I agree with Trix to a certain extent. If both of you want to plan the shower, then it has to be a budget you both can afford. I know you are thinking "but my sister wants this!!" Remember when you were younger and just had to have that new, shiny bike? Your parents knew you wanted it, but if they couldn't afford it, then they couldn't afford it.

If you are hellbent on giving your sister exactly what she wants, you are going to have to be willing to pick up the extra costs associated with it since the other MOH has said (loud and clear) that she can't afford it.

Pick your battles here. Respect other people's budgets. Ask what other people can afford and make compromises. It makes the world go round.

RochelleAnn2302 · August 2010

Agree w/ pp. You can tell her that she may or may not attend the portion that she is not happy with but you can't expect her to pay. $300 seems like a lot to me especially when she will be buying them a gift and getting a dress and this and that. Is it $300/ person or you have all together spent $300? Kind of irrelevant though, if she doesn't have the cash, then she doesn't have the cash. If you want her to step aside then that would assume you would pay for it all anyway so just pay for it and save the argument as I am sure that it is stressful on your sis to have the families feuding!

eshevenell · August 2010

Another thing to point out - I know the bride, your sis, has a ton going on, but if her future MIL is starting to get involved and it is this heated, she needs to be brought in (and maybe her FI too) before this gets out of hand. This is not an issue that should simmer, and it's not your place to fight with her future in-laws. She may want to concede to their demands to save the relationship. Also agree with all PPs - you have to plan a party that is within everyone's budgets, and your sister will love it no matter what.

Good luck!

RebeccaB88 · August 2010

$300 is plenty to pay for the entire shower if you budget it right. Exactly how much were you going to demand that the other MOH give you? Yes, you want to do what your sister wants, but you're creating major problems for her when you steamroll everyone around you to get your way. Cut way back on what you're doing and plan something you can afford.

lexandfab · August 2010

I think to better understand your post I have 2 main questions. 1. Is it 300 per person and 2. What are a few of your sisters requests? I am curious if they really are over the top...

ASerbu · August 2010

So far the total cost of the entire shower is $300... that is less than $100 per bridesmaid... that is why I am frustrated.. it's not that I am spending outside of her budget... it is that she doesn't have a budget... she doesn't want to spend ANY money...

ASerbu · August 2010

My sister is not difficult, and neither am I...

she wanted it to be in our parents backyard- other MOH wants HER parents backyard.

the other MOH wanted to send an e-vite to save money- my sister wanted paper invites...

the other MOH wanted plastic table clothes and no centerpieces... just balloons at the brides table...

I was just afraid that it was going to look like a cheap birthday party and not a bridal shower...

I understand what is affordable and what isn't, and believe me I can't afford to go overboard by any means... but I think that if you aren't willing to spend ANY money, why agree to be in the bridal party at all.. none of the other bridesmaids have any issues with the cost of anything we have come up with so far...

I am still playing nice... I told my sister what's going on and I told her I wasn't going to take part in the fighting she is trying to start, but my sister told me to forget her because she is being childish and it becomes 4 against one at some point...

Please someone, help me!

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