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Children at the reception.... Really need advice

anniemay1anniemay1 member
10 Comments
in Second Weddings
Ok this is my second marriage, the first time around we eloped so I am super excited to plan a wedding this time around.....

Now my question is, we have 5 kids between us and their all in the wedding. My ex husband who is on really good terms with me and my fiance is coming to the wedding as well.....Would it be bad to have my ex husband take the kids home after the ceremony? because we're not going to be able to tend to them really during the reception. I love my kids to death and his but I just feel its our day and we won't have time to tend to their every need that day.
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Re: Children at the reception.... Really need advice

  • nyreknyrek member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How young of children are we talking about?  My kids are not only in the wedding, but will be at the reception as well the entire time.  They'll go home that evening with my mom who will keep them for us for the night. 

    My kids are 15, 13, and 9...so they're more than capaple of hanging out with our family and friends without having me constantly supervise them.  If they were toddlers, I'd probably still have them at the receptions, but would make arrangements for them to go home earlier with whoever is watching them.
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  • anniemay1anniemay1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Their ages are 14, 10, 8,8 and 7 so the 4 younger ones would probably be a distraction.... that's a bad word to use but would need more attention. I will probably let my 14 year old stay as she needs no babysitting.


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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    If it were my children, I would probably let them stay, but that's me. I'd make sure that a family member was able to keep an eye on them, but I'd feel sort of "blah" about them leaving early. However, my youngest will be 17 when I get married. Even if they were younger, unless they weren't having a good time, I would probably have them stay.

    Having said that, if you are not having any other kids there but yours & your fiance's, then they might be bored. Most of the weddings I've been to, people understand that kids get super excited at weddings, dance a lot, run around. I personally don't think of that as a distraction, I think it sometimes is cute.

    It would also depend on what time your ex was leaving to take them. After the ceromny might be a bit early. If it's like 11 pm, then I think that would be ok. But anything earlier, they'd probably feel left out.

    Good luck. I can tell you are stuggling with this. Why don't you ask the kids what they think? After all, this will be their step-dad, and they might really want to stay.

    Good luck.
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Great advice Sue! I agree with Sue, perhaps you should ask the kids if they want to stay or go?

    They may feel left out if they have to leave early.

    I cannot realte as our boys are teens (mine 14, his 17) 
    Both are in the wedding, each inviting a friend, and will stay the entire night.
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  • anniemay1anniemay1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am just kinda worried the little ones will get tired and cranky. But their dad is going to be there as well. I can just make him babysit them at the reception lol.... Thanks everyone. I don't want to not include them. Just want to make sure everything runs smooth.
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Annie, trust me. Ask them what they want to do. Then, go with the flow. It will be "their" memory too. Tired & cranky happens. Then your ex can take them and leave. Make sure if the older ones stay, there is someone to take THEM home.

    I also like the prior poster's idea about having a friend come. I recall going to a friend's brother's wedding when I was about 15, because she didn't have a boyfriend, and didn't want to be bored at the reception. But she also didn't have any siblings her age.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'm late to this--I responded a couple of days ago, but somehow theknot lost my post.  ARGH.  I'm going to add a different level here.  You've invited your ex-h, and I think that's great that you two have a great relationship.  But if HE takes the kids home, doesn't that leave him out of the reception, too?  Isn't the reception the "thank you" for attending the ceremony?  I think, if it were me, I'd get a sitter to come by and pick up the younger kids, so everyone, including the ex, can have a good time and relax at the reception. 
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  • geordieboysgirlgeordieboysgirl
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How about hiring a sitter (or two for that many kids) to be at the reception for an hour or two and then have them take the younger children home or where ever they are going for the night? I don't want to sound snarky but this is a celebration of the joining of your family and it seems appropriate that they be included not only in the ceremony but in the celebration that follows.
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  • sueschirmersueschirmer
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I am having my daughter (10 years old)  in the ceremony, and then at the reception (a late brunch) also.  We are having an "after party" and I will ask her when its closer what she prefers - to go to her dad's house for that, or to be included.  Yes, it is a day about me, but I don't ever want her to feel excluded, or that this new marriage means more than she does.  My daughter is very sensitive, and maybe other kids are not as sensitive as she is. 

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  • NJ JenNJ Jen member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Won't your family all be at the reception? The kids' Dad will be there, plus the kids' grandparents, aunts, uncles? 

    I can't imagine sending them home - I would definitely be worried about the message that might convey to them.
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