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How can i encourage my guy to get in shape?

sarahniccolesarahniccole member
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in Getting in Shape
Hey everyone! I hope this post wont sound terribly shallow or mean in any way towards my fiance, but my guy could really stand to lose some weight and I dont know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. Hes always been a big guy and Im totally ok with that. When we first started dating he was in the marines and even though I always knew hes the type of guy that will never have a six pack (and im ok with that) he was still in great shape.
 
However, since getting out of the marines 2 years ago and being unemployed for a year, he has packed on about 50lbs. Of course i love him the same no matter what his body looks like, but ill be completely honest, its def affected our relationship a bit and our sex life. I just dont know how to tell him in a nice way and get him motivated to start working out again. Its so hard too because we work opposite schedules. I work during the day and he works at night. So its not like I can say hey lets go to the gym together. And I can try to cook healthy things for him but he wont eat leftovers and pretty much grabs stuff to eat on the go since he's so busy with work at college. Any ideas on what I can try to do to get him to want to be at a heathier weight? I feel like Ive tried everything..
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Re: How can i encourage my guy to get in shape?

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    raynesraynes member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    There isn't too much you can do.  He has to reach the decision on his own in order for it to stick.

    I'd say the best thing you can do is to lead by example.  The opposite shift thing will probably make that tough, but try.

    Will he eat a prepared lunch/dinner that he can take with him (vs. leftovers) and what about weekends?  Maybe try and suggest activities you can do together, like hikes or biking.

    If all else fails, have an honest talk with him.  Phrase it that you want him to be healthy so you can live long and happy lives together.

    Good luck.
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    We'll just not tell H about this little fact, m'kay?
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    jennabobjennabob member
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    ditto.....I"m in the same boat....H goes through phases where he will diet and exercise, drop 50 lbs, then fall off the wagon and put it all on again.  We work the same schedules so it is easier for me to make homeade healthy meals on weeknights, and he comes home for lunch everyday so he tends to eat leftovers from the night before.  I know most of his weight comes from inactivity because we do eat pretty healthy for the most part (other than going out on weekends....).  I also get up every single morning to make him a healthy breakfast, or else I know he will just go to the coffee shop and get something horrible.  I do try to control what he is eating as much as I can, since thats really the only thing I CAN do.
    I try to get him to go for walks with me and just MOVE but he never does.  He tends to drop weight in the summer when working in the yard, etc. but doesn't do much of anything in the winter.  He knows how I feel about it, but I don't nag cause it just ends up in a fight.....
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    sarahniccolesarahniccole member
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    yea seems like im not the only one! Well I just hope he can somehow find a way to get motivated to start working out again. I cant force him to do it. He has to want to. I just worry cause he's only 24..I worry that in time when he reaches middle age, if he stays on this path he will end up obese. I would hate to see that happen to him. :(
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    veritasatoriveritasatori
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    My biggest influence on my FI's health is that I do all of the grocery shopping.  I've had such a positive influence on his diet by buying whole grains instead of white bread/pasta/rice, baked chips instead of regular chips, produce that I know he likes, skim milk instead of 2%, etc.  I refuse to buy him soda, and he is too lazy to make a special trip to the store just to buy it, so he ends up only having it when we go out to eat instead of with every meal (which is honestly what he used to do before I took over the grocery shopping). 

    While FI sometimes grumbles that I don't buy all of the foods that he likes to eat, he enjoys not having to grocery shop, and he likes that I use coupons to save us money.  All in all, it works for us.
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    PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_getting-shape_can-encourage-guy-shape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:238Discussion:ce5d0e24-cae9-4745-bc44-4179ba5e3048Post:d3957ac7-c3ad-4bf1-83cb-12a3a1181155">How can i encourage my guy to get in shape?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey everyone! I hope this post wont sound terribly shallow or mean in any way towards my fiance, but my guy could really stand to lose some weight and I dont know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. Hes always been a big guy and Im totally ok with that. When we first started dating he was in the marines and even though I always knew hes the type of guy that will never have a six pack (and im ok with that) he was still in great shape.   However, since getting out of the marines 2 years ago and being unemployed for a year, he has packed on about 50lbs. Of course i love him the same no matter what his body looks like, but ill be completely honest, its def affected our relationship a bit and our sex life. I just dont know how to tell him in a nice way and get him motivated to start working out again. Its so hard too because we work opposite schedules. I work during the day and he works at night. So its not like I can say hey lets go to the gym together. And I can try to cook healthy things for him but he wont eat leftovers <strong>and pretty much grabs stuff to eat on the go since he's so busy with work at college.</strong> Any ideas on what I can try to do to get him to want to be at a heathier weight? I feel like Ive tried everything..
    Posted by sarahniccole[/QUOTE]

    He needs to learn how to eat himself.  He can grab healthy stuff while out.  He just needs to learn what to order. 

    <a href="http://health.yahoo.net/experts/eatthis/secret-fast-food-diet">http://health.yahoo.net/experts/eatthis/secret-fast-food-diet</a>

    Email him this article and you will see.  People can get fast food options and still make healthy choices. 

    He needs to want to do it himself is what it comes down to. 

    Guys are typically lazy once they are comfortable in a relationship.

    It's annoying the amount of effort they put into cooking healthy and working out at the gym when they are single and want to impress girls with their slim bodies.. and then they get lazy once they get the girl and make excuses, I'm too busy, I have no time etc.  I have seen that with a lot of couples.
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    agape1cor813agape1cor813
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    I'm in the same problem ... for me, it's even more difficult because we are not in the same city and his life isn't really conducive to a healthy lifestyle (he has to travel a lot for work). Pretty much the time when he comes to visit me is the time he eats the healthiest.

    I would also recommend trying to get him into more physical activities. Hiking is good, going for walks, finding some kind of sport to participate in.
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    ekilzer1ekilzer1 member
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    I would just get him out and walking/hiking with you... unfortunately the whole getting out of the military thing tends to be a  HUGE issue for lots of guys- they all put on weight... My cousins each put on 50-60 pounds after getting out of the Marines and my FH has put on about 20 since he got out a year ago.

    I refuse to let him order in food anymore (no delivery pizza or anything).... 


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    JJWillis3JJWillis3
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    I have the opposite problem. Well, it's opposite in the sense that my Fiance is skinny. It might seem silly but it makes me feel really big. I'm not a big girl either (average I guess) and I am constantly working out and trying to lose weight. I always get worried that I look like a blob next to him. I mean I love him to death and if doesn't work out that's fine. But he says he wants to but then doesn't. When we were first together we worked out together, but then I started to slack off. he kept at it and even bought some protein shake mix to gain weight.

    That was the last time he has shown interest though. I've talked to him about it and he says he wants to and he will. I ask him about it from time to time and he STILL says he is interested and will. I don't want to push it too much because I don't want him to think that I'm not attracted to him. Because I definitely am. I just don't want to feel like a blob. So.. I work out.
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    erinmmcderinmmcd
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    I've been with my FI for six years and during that time I have been +15 and -8 lbs from where I am now.  In the last few years I've really put a healthy lifestyle a priority in my life, but am not perfect.  So a lot of times I ask my FI to help ME make the right choices when I'm surrounded by temptation (choc chip cookies, chips, pizza, etc).  By asking for his support in something I am trying to do for myself, he has been slowing adapting the way he eats when we are together and usually knows not to suggest obviously unhealthy choices for places/things to eat.  He doesn't know everything about healthy eating so it's not always easy, but another way I've slowly started educating him on healthy eating & working out is by planting little seeds.  So rather than nagging him or acting like a know-it-all I show how excited I am by something my personal trainer showed me that day, or a really interesting article I found on how a lot of fast food is processed, paying attention to nutrition facts for myself in front of him.  Over time he has totally changed his lifestyle from when we met six yrs ago. If he drinks soda, he drinks diet. If he eats ice cream he just has one spoonful.  If we want to grab an easy dinner he suggests a nice salad.  He never weighs himself, but after two years he mentioned to me "I've lost 30 lbs since the last time I remember weighing myself!"  He works out now during his lunch and is excited at the thought of a healthy lifestyle.  These are small changes, but by slowly introducing him to the things that you care about and that you would like him to keep you in check on, it could influence his life as well!
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    JJWillis3JJWillis3
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_getting-shape_can-encourage-guy-shape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:238Discussion:ce5d0e24-cae9-4745-bc44-4179ba5e3048Post:e6a57320-45bb-479b-b21e-8ae970547e6a">Re: How can i encourage my guy to get in shape?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been with my FI for six years and during that time I have been +15 and -8 lbs from where I am now.  In the last few years I've really put a healthy lifestyle a priority in my life, but am not perfect.  So a lot of times I ask my FI to help ME make the right choices when I'm surrounded by temptation (choc chip cookies, chips, pizza, etc).  By asking for his support in something I am trying to do for myself, he has been slowing adapting the way he eats when we are together and usually knows not to suggest obviously unhealthy choices for places/things to eat.  He doesn't know everything about healthy eating so it's not always easy, but another way I've slowly started educating him on healthy eating & working out is by planting little seeds.  So rather than nagging him or acting like a know-it-all I show how excited I am by something my personal trainer showed me that day, or a really interesting article I found on how a lot of fast food is processed, paying attention to nutrition facts for myself in front of him.  Over time he has totally changed his lifestyle from when we met six yrs ago. If he drinks soda, he drinks diet. If he eats ice cream he just has one spoonful.  If we want to grab an easy dinner he suggests a nice salad.  He never weighs himself, but after two years he mentioned to me "I've lost 30 lbs since the last time I remember weighing myself!"  He works out now during his lunch and is excited at the thought of a healthy lifestyle.  These are small changes, but by slowly introducing him to the things that you care about and that you would like him to keep you in check on, it could influence his life as well!
    Posted by erinmmcd[/QUOTE]

    Awesome post!
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    calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    If he was a Marine, then he most likely believes "Once a Marine, always a Marine".

    Is he friends with any Marines still?  Because I've seen Marines in action when one of them gets chubby, even after retirement - they harass them about the weight, drag them out running and PT, grill them on diet and exercise in general.  If it's anything like the Marines I've met, he's ashamed that he put on so much weight.  Perhaps there's a greater issue that is keeping him from dealing with it, like depression?

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    PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
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    I think in general girls are just more cautious with weight and looks and health etc.  It gets me a little mad that guys care to "look hot" when they are single looking for girls and then they get into a relationship and sometimes not even married yet and are already packing pounds on.  I don't know how they think it's comfortable to wear jeans with a belly and love handles hanging over the edge.  That's the most uncomfortable thing and guys don't seem to care. 

    Anyway since your fiance was a marine I would think it would be easy for him to notice he gained weight and start doing something about it.  It's just odd because he is your FI.  Usually people like to look their best on their wedding day to always look back on how great they looked that day. 
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
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    Here's a great time to start working as a team! Tell him that you don't feel you are in the best shape you can be, and ask him to get a gym membership with you. Use the membership, make time to go 30 minutes 3 times a week to start, or whatever you can work into your schedule. Chances are, even without you talking to him about it, he knows he's gained weight, so take steps together to get fit :)
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    JessieLea07JessieLea07
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_getting-shape_can-encourage-guy-shape?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:238Discussion:ce5d0e24-cae9-4745-bc44-4179ba5e3048Post:d026b0fd-3eff-4734-ad9e-60c26409c6f4">Re: How can i encourage my guy to get in shape?</a>:
    [QUOTE]... I just worry cause he's only 24..I worry that in time when he reaches middle age, if he stays on this path he will end up obese. I would hate to see that happen to him. :(
    Posted by sarahniccole[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then have ^^this^^ discussion with him. Not only can you lead by example, you can voice your concern about his  HEALTH...not his size. You can also subtly make comments about how bad fast food is, how much better you feel when you get a little exercise..etc.   </div><div>
    </div><div>He may already be obese. I didn't think I was too bad overweight til I checked my BMI, and I'm obese (by about 15lbs actually)</div>
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    ebanezieebanezie
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    I don't know if this would work for you but my fiance and I started working out together.  We make it a priority and usually if one of us is feeling lazy the other will say lets just get it over with lol
    We made a workout room and I hung motivation pictures up....I put Heidi Klum and he put up Jason Statham :)
    I like having him there to push me and its nice to spend time together doing something that will benefit our health and make our honeymoon THAT much better ;)
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