What to do???

WifeyK · January 2010

One of my bridesmaids is constantly complaining about how shes going to look in her dress...she hates the dress we picked out and complained about the price of it...she doesn't seem happy at all to be a bridesmaid in our wedding and to me it should be more of a privilege then anything!...what do i do or say?? without being a bridezilla!!

MyNameIsNot · January 2010

Asking someone to be a BM is a way of honoring your friendship. It isn't a privilege like VIP entry in some club, and she should not be made to feel indebted to you like you've bestowed some blessing on her.

A polite bride asks all the BMs for a budget on dresses before shopping. It sounds like you didn't do that, and that created this situation. At this point, you need to offer to pay the difference over what she can afford. As far as not liking the style, you really should have given the BMs some imput on the style, as well. After all, they're the ones buying it and wearing it, and they should feel comfortable and look good in it.

If everyone has already started ordering them, your recourse is to apologize to her for not asking for her imput on budget/style in the first place, then offer to pay the difference over what she can afford. If there's something specific about the style that she has an issue with it (ie not being comfortable with back/arms showing, work with her to add something to cover.)

If they have not started ordering them, you need to go back and fix this. Call everyone and apologize for not getting imput right off the bat, ask for budgets and start over. Or just go the easy route and select a color and length and ask them to choose their own dresses.

christy0617 · January 2010

Getting everyone's input and sticking to it is almost impossible. I took all of the bridesmaids with me to pick out dresses. There are 6 of them and I told them which color I liked and they picked out all the different styles of dresses and then voted for which one they liked the best. There is still one person not satisfied with that eventhough I left it all up to them. Unless all of your bridesmaids are the exact same size and have the same personality, it will be impossible to please all of them. I left them to pick out the dresses since they are the ones that have to wear them and still doesn't please everyone. It is hard to please everyone and I think that you should be polite in dealing with the situation. They have to wear the dress for a few hours. Every wedding that I have ever been in, I never saw the dress before it was time for me to buy it and I never complained because it simply wasn't my wedding and I just wanted my friend to be happy with what they selected for their wedding. I only had to wear the dress for a couple hours anyways.

redheadfsu · January 2010

What MyNameIsNot said.

nessangel · January 2010

I tried to be nice and let my bridesmaids pick their own and have a reasonable budget for the dress but long story short you can't make people happy all the time... so none of them picked anything and I wound up having to pick what I liked and basically assign so I don't agree that you weren't being considerate... sometimes people just have other things going on in their lives and don't take being in a bridal party as the honor it is, which can be upsetting and taxing on relationships.

Sit down with your friend one on one and have a heart to heart about what's going on in her life... maybe there's some drama you don't know and that's what's holding her back... maybe she just needs a little TLC... and if the finances are an issue for her, if you can help her a little that'd be something to talk about... how far off is your wedding? while it may sound crass I've had to talk to one of my BM's who wound up realizing it was too much for her to take on being a BM with all that was going on in her life and she gracefully stepped down and no feelings got hurt... she was honest in saying that she couldn't be there for me in the way she knew I'd need and she stepped down... if you have that good of a friendship perhaps you should consider having the same talk AFTER you hear about what's going on in her life.

aerinpegadrak · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3e949ad6-f80f-4bac-9c2c-f23fd0da38e0Post:8edd8e79-e3a9-4638-ae90-e8e28c5b8a45">What to do???</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids is constantly complaining about how shes going to look in her dress...she hates the dress we picked out and complained about the price of it...she doesn't seem happy at all to be a bridesmaid in our wedding and to me it should be more of a privilege then anything!...what do i do or say?? without being a bridezilla!!
Posted by WifeyK[/QUOTE]
Well, what doesn't she like about the dress? If it's just not a style that she would have chosen, then that's just part of being a bridesmaid. But if she's going to be uncomfortable or embarrassed in the dress, then that's a legitimate complaint and you should try to reach some sort of compromise and address whatever specific issue she has. (If you don't, her discomfort will show in the pictures, I promise you.)

As far as cost, you should try to chip in to cover the difference between the cost and her budget, especially if you didn't ask their budgets beforehand.

You should be selecting your bridesmaids as a way of honoring your very best friends, and nobody should treat their very best friends like props or hired help. If one of my best friends were completely ignoring my feelings and opinions, I'd be pretty pissed too.

What to do???

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