Catholic/Christian Ceremony Dilemma XP

Re: Catholic/Christian Ceremony Dilemma XP

• Riss91 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Hello! I think the important decision here is whether you want your marriage to be considered a valid Catholic marriage or not. If you marry outside the Catholic Church, you will no longer be able to receive sacraments (such as communion). If it is important to you to have a valid Catholic marriage, then I would get married in the Catholic Church (assuming your FI is on board).
  
  There are very rare cases where a Catholic priest will get you a dispensation to be married in another Christian Church and still have the marriage recognized as a valid Catholic marriage. Usually this occurs when a relative of the non-Catholic party is a member of the clergy and is performing the ceremony.
  
  I hope that helps!

  
  

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• catarntina member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I think before you go through your options, you need to figure out whether getting married in a Catholic church is important to you.  Your marriage will NOT be recognized by the Catholic church if you get married by some random pastor, or if you get married in a Methodist church.
  
  Also, do you plan on baptizing your children Catholic?  If so, then you really ought to get married in a Catholic church.  At my church, they do not allow us to have our children baptized if our marriage was not recognized by the church (IE, married in the Church, or convalidation).  If you want to raise your children Methodist, then I think you ought to be married in a Methodist church.
  
  So before you start looking into Methodist churches and other pastors, I think you need to determine whether it's important to you to have a Catholic wedding and marriage or not.

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• agapecarrie member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  First, I'd suggest meeting with a priest you like. They can help you sort through what you are planning for your future family.
  
  The proper form for marriage for a Catholic is to marry in the Catholic church. Besides the building, there are several things that go along with this, such as making the promises necessary for the sacrament. (free, total, faithful, and fruitful).
  
  A catholic may get a dispensation from form to marry in another church for a just reason. They still have to make the promises, as well as go through marriage prep, etc. A Catholic who does not follow this is not conisdered validly married, and can no longer receive the sacraments in the church.
  
  The problem you will have is that your fi is still considered Catholic by the Catholic church. Once a Catholic, always a Catholic. It is very unlikely (probably impossible) to get a dispensation from form because you are both baptized Catholic.
  
  

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• ootmother2 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I would get married in FI's church with his old pastor at the Catholic Church that you found.  Bring in a priest from the new church that you like. OR, the other way around.
  
  Dispensations are not that difficult, my brother was married in a Congragtional Church with both the pastor and a Catholic priest officiating.  It's done often, trust me.
  
  To me, the problem is more than just where you get married.  What religion are you going to practice after the wedding?
  
  In my brother's case, they felt that "the family that prays together, stays together" and he converted to his wife's church. (and their kids all married Catholics, go figure that)
  
  Marriage is based on love, common grounds and compromise.  I'm sure you can work this one out.
  
  The majority of religions are NOT evil.  Go with what's best for both of you and your future (maybe) children.
  GL

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• bibliophile2010 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholicchristian-ceremony-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:6962a5cd-c89e-4e35-8538-8d90e8f85acfPost:f815d3cf-0183-451d-8f15-4cd0c1b38403">Re: Catholic/Christian Ceremony Dilemma XP</a>:
  [QUOTE]I would get married in FI's church with his old pastor at the Catholic Church that you found.  Bring in a priest from the new church that you like. OR, the other way around. Dispensations are not that difficult, my brother was married in a Congragtional Church with both the pastor and a Catholic priest officiating.  It's done often, trust me. To me, the problem is more than just where you get married.  What religion are you going to practice after the wedding? In my brother's case, they felt that "the family that prays together, stays together" and he converted to his wife's church. (and their kids all married Catholics, go figure that) Marriage is based on love, common grounds and compromise.  I'm sure you can work this one out. GL
  Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
  
  The problem is that, as Agape said, her FI is still considered Catholic by the Church, even if he doesn't identify as such, so it is highly unlikely that they will give them that particular dispensation.
  
  I agree with others, though, that the big issue is figuring what you guys want in terms of religion for yourselves and your family. We can't tell you that. Like I said in my response to your XP, where to get married or where to go to church isn't about emotion. It is about what you believe to be true about God, his revelation and the world around you. As a passionate Catholic, I believe that the Church has the deposit of truth, but I cannot force you to see that. You have the free will to believe and do otherwise.
  
  Do you identify as Catholic? Do you want to remain in communion with the Church? Do you want to baptize your kids? Do you want your marriage recognized by the Church? Do you want to practice Catholicism? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, you really should go with the Catholic wedding in the first place rather than trying to jump through hoops within hoops to get a dispensation or convalidation or whatnot.

  

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• ootmother2 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Just another suggestion
  
  Consider who will be the primary religious educator for your children.  I know many Catholic who couldn't teach a rubber ball what our religion is about.
  
  THAT will come up and you both had better be able to deal with it.

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• ootmother2 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  bibli, that baptism and first communion could be a problem.
  
  If you go to a priest, he will give you the Catholic rules.  If you go to your FI's pastor, he will give you more rules.
  
  Stand on your own two feet, speak your conscience and follow it.
  
  Remember compromise.  No religion is inherently evil, trust me.

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• krun16 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Do you guys know of any good resources to find out the requrements for marriage?  I know that each diocese has different rules, but I'm kind of looking for a "religion for dummies" version since that how i've been feeling.  Like, for instance, who do I go to in order to fill out and register for a ceremony?  My "home" priest, who I've never met since he started at my church after I left for school?

  
  

  I think another factor in this is that I don't have a parish here that I attend regularly.  I try to go to church as often as I can, but I'm not registered anywhere.

  

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• bibliophile2010 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  check out www.catholicweddinghelp.com They are a great resource for explaining all the ins and outs.
  
  As for what will be required by your church, you need to contact the church where you want to get married. Check out the bulletin -- it should tell you who to contact about weddings. Set up an appointment, and they can tell you the ins and outs that they require: what Marriage Prep will be required, how you can book a date, etc.
  
  Honestly, since you have so much time, having things at a Cathlic parish shouldn't be any trouble. Many require you to be a registered member for 6 months, but you have lots of time before your projected date. I would really, really recommend talking to them. They will have the best answers for you.
  
  You may also want to talk to someone about your spiritual identity. From your most recent post, I get the sense that you still want to be Catholic, but things (your FI's feelings toward the church? your feelings? not having a home chuch?) are holding you back. Please sort those things out before you do something you may one day regret, like not getting married in the Church when you really want to or walking away from something you value because you don't know who to talk to. Call the office of the church you like and talk to them. There is someone there who can talk to you, I'm sure.

  

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• ElisabethJoanne member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  There likely won't be special weddings contact info with the Methodist church. Just call their (one) office. Besides that, you're still getting good advice, IMO.

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• krun16 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  FI and I had a heart to heart today... I kind of forced him to stop telling me we had time and to tell me how he really felt about everything.  I know I had been praying about the whole thing and while we were talking it all of a sudden dawned on both of us that the Episcopal church is right in the middle of where we want to be.  The one that we have been to before and some of his family goes to has the traditional aspects that I am used to with a modern twist that he's used to.  

  
  

  We are going to attend a regular mass there this Sunday with his cousin and see how we feel, but I think this may be the best compromise on both of our ends that we've been looking for.  It might seem like settling to some but we both get to keep a part of ourselves but also give a little to meet in the middle.  

  
  

  I think for me this has been more about figuring out where I stand with my religion and where I want to be.  Finding a church hasn't been about how pretty the windows and architecture is but where we, as a couple, can both see ourselves growing.  I thank you all for your opinions because you've had me thinking a lot about this and how important it is to our future.  

  

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• catarntina member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  Good for you!  If you can see yourself in an Episcopalian church and if you feel like you can raise your children Episcopalian, then I think it's the right decision.
  
  Hope it all works out for you!
  

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• bibliophile2010 member

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholicchristian-ceremony-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:6962a5cd-c89e-4e35-8538-8d90e8f85acfPost:a4d48c8e-7d0f-408c-a6ed-1ebc276c85e7">Re: Catholic/Christian Ceremony Dilemma XP</a>:
  [QUOTE]Good for you!  If you can see yourself in an Episcopalian church and if you feel like you can raise your children Episcopalian, then I think it's the right decision. :) Hope it all works out for you!
  Posted by catarntina[/QUOTE]
  
  ditto this.

  

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• Alcyone1

  

  September 2011 edited December 2011

  I know I'm coming into this really late--sorry!  Definitely check out the Episcopalian church together!  Also, when my parents got married (my dad is Catholic; my mom was Baptist at the time, but is now non-denom), they had their wedding in the base chapel with two officiants.  It was a Catholic mass, but they had a Baptist minister there as well, and both sides of the family were able to take communion as a result (just different communion).  If you have trouble finding a single church that fits both of you, this may be another option.
  Good luck!
  

  

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