Newly engaged and having a MOH issue...

krmabojo · January 2010

My FI and I are not getting married until Spring 2011 but a friend of mine EXPECTS and ASSUMES she will be my MOH. I have not even planned the WP yet.

I do not know how to tell her that she is not my MOH because I did not promise anything to her. I have a feeling this is going to ruin the friendship, even though it will be on account of her own assumptions.

When it comes time to decide on a WP, should I ask her to be my MOH to keep the peace or let her know that I have chosen someone else?

GoodMouseBadMouse · January 2010

Wow, that's a sticky situation. Will you be including this friend in your wedding party at all? If it were me, I'd find a gentle way of telling her no, something like:

1. (Fiance) and I have decided to have siblings only in our wedding party

2. We aren't having a wedding party at all, but we're so excited to have you there on the day

3. Your friendship means a lot to me. However, (Fiance) and I are keeping things really small, and I have to keep the bridal party to 2. I hope you won't be offended, but I have obligations to X and Y. I really hope you'll be there, though, because I couldn't get married without you.

Good luck!

mocha beans · January 2010

You haven't picked a WP, and she shouldn't weasel her way in.

If you don't want her to be the MOH, then tell her you are choosing someone else and you'd love her to be a BM/reader/guest, whatever. Don't let her strongarm you into something you don't want. Saying "No" is going to be a big part of your vocabulary during planning, so get used to using it without breaking down. I guarantee this will not be the first issue you have to deal with that involves someone's feelings getting hurt because of a decision you make. Don't prance around the issue or be willy nilly; be firm, up front, and straightforward.

If she wants to throw a hissy fit about it, I'd be reconsidering the friendship altogether. Good friends don't try to force their desires on you.

AmoroAgain · January 2010

You have way too long before you need to worry about this. Just put your foot down now, and let her know that not only have you not thought about it, you don't intend to think about it for a while. Just enjoy being engaged for a bit and tell her to back the fvck off.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

Just keep changing the subject for now, and tell her you havent chosen your wedding party. You have no way of knowing who you will be closest to when it comes time to choose your WP, as relationships and people can change in that amount of time. You may not even be close then, especially if she keeps being rude and pushy to you, so don't worry about it now.

emilyinchile · January 2010

You posted this on 4 boards and already got some solid advice on the WP board. Just because you thought some people were rude (we weren't, we just really didn't understand your first post) doesn't mean the advice wasn't good.

In the future, write XP in the subject when you cross post.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_changing-moh-need-opinions-please
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_missouri-st-louis_newly-engaged-already-moh-issues
http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_newly-engaged-already-having-moh-issues

goodlife2009 · January 2010

Sounds to me that if her not being your MOH is going to "ruin your friendship", then she isn't much of a friend. You should mention to her how incredibly tack it is to ASSUME you are even part of a wedding let alone the MOH.

GL /> as very new-newlywed....a piece of advice. People are going to do this to you the ENTIRE time you are trying to plan your day. You cannot let ruin your excitement or change what you want. What is important is that you and your FI tie the knot!
GL!

redheadfsu · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newly-engaged-having-moh-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:1f369aa1-fbb0-4a74-8e41-cdfb246abea4Post:b3e92ba0-fbb2-42d1-b707-041c8f598903">Re: Newly engaged and having a MOH issue...</a>:
[QUOTE]Just keep changing the subject for now, and tell her you havent chosen your wedding party. You have no way of knowing who you will be closest to when it comes time to choose your WP, as relationships and people can change in that amount of time. You may not even be close then, especially if she keeps being rude and pushy to you, so don't worry about it now.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

This

cellarius · January 2010

i agree on saying nothing right now. i'm only using our sisters kinda for this reason. it keeps it small [4] & uncomplicated. i wouldn't not let her be your MOH just because she expects it & to avoid conflict. she's the one who's being inappropriate & you shouldn't have to cater to it. i'd say either you're only having family in the WP if that's what you want or if you're not, then she can be a bridesmaid or a reader or something.

janedoe1113a · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_newly-engaged-having-moh-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:1f369aa1-fbb0-4a74-8e41-cdfb246abea4Post:d47e5618-f78e-45a5-9cdf-c9e2ad265547">Re: Newly engaged and having a MOH issue...</a>:
[QUOTE]You have way too long before you need to worry about this. Just put your foot down now, and let her know that not only have you not thought about it, you don't intend to think about it for a while. Just enjoy being engaged for a bit and tell her to back the fvck off.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

Vintagelove4 · November 2012

Sit her down and talk to her. Make sure she knows that you two haven't decided YOUR wedding party yet and that others may be in the running (ie sisters, cousins, closer friends etc). Have an adult conversation with her and make sure she doesn't run off with your wedding!

Newly engaged and having a MOH issue...

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