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Wedding Woes
monitoo
member
Worst MOH Ever!
in Wedding Woes
My wedding is in 5 days. I don't understand why my friend accepted the position if she had no intentions of participating. I would do everything in my power to make her day wonderful, and everything leading up to it, but she had done nothing for me. She never even threw me a Bridal Shower, or Bachelorette Party, so I never had one. She told my cousin she couldn't afford it, but she didn't need to spend anything, on anything. I just wanted to get some girlfriends together and party it up, she didn't have to pay for anything, not even me. The last Saturday, I sat alone, by myself, drank some beer by myself, because my MOH couldn't afford to throw me a party, yet she spent all Saturday night at the bar. Yet, she didn't even invite me, even though I asked what she was doing, and even said, "sounds fun." She didn't even ask what I was doing or going to do that night. She hasn't gotten together with me on anything, or any weekend, but always has someone else over, doesn't invite me, and when I ask her what she's doing, oh nothing, just gonna lay around and watch movies. Instead, she's partying it up with other people, who the next day, says they, "just showed up." But what, she can't invite me? We're suppose to be BFF's and she's suppose to be my MOH, and I just want to cry. She has offered no emotional support through this, none. She's only making me sadder through this entire process because she makes me feel like her second choice to anybody else. It's not right, and it's too late into the wedding to change anything. I don't have any other BM, it's just one person on each side. I can't believe she knew I wanted to do something, but would rather be selfish and ignore my request for fun. She knew if she didn't invite me, I'd be by myself. She doesnt' care. I am so hurt and wish I would've never asked her.
She complained the one and only time, we went and got her dress, which is the same day I was scheduled for alterations. So to pick up my gown a month later, we scheduled a Saturday that she said she would for sure have off work because it was an off week. So at the last minute, she "suddenly" has to work, so I have to find someone else, or go by myself. I have been having my cousin helping me out with everything, because my MOH, just doesn't want to do anything. She isn't even there to console me, my cousin is now doing her duties, but isn't even IN the wedding party. I feel bad. I'd rather not have my MOH in it, but it's just too late. My gown was ruined beyond repair when I went to pick it up, I had to try on four other dresses for an alternate, this was two weeks before my wedding. I was devastated. She wasn't even going to get together with me, knowing I was picking up my gown that day, until I told her it was ruined. It was then when she said, "well so and so is coming over, so you can go ahead and come over." She was too busy playing cards to listen to me what happened, so all I said was it was ruined beyond repair, I had to choose an alternate, I bawled my eyes out. Her response was, "That sucks." Back to playing cards and drinking beer she went. This is all she knows, she doesn't care about providing me with emotional support. My cousin has been, as she was there to see the devastation in my eyes. So I choose an alternate gown, it wouldn't be ready for another week, which was one week before the wedding. No, she didn't go with me this time either, she didn't go anytime except the time to pick up her dress. She never even went shopping with me for anything, or any dress, or gown. So my alternate gown was also ruined. They were going to repair it, but couldn't get it to me no sooner than 4 days, which was also 4 days before the wedding. So I said forget it, they would just make it worse, as they clearly don't know what they are doing. The hem was off about an inch, uneven. Perhaps it wouldn't have been noticeable, but they hemmed up into the embroidery on one side, and left at least an inch below the embroidery on the other side. It's very noticeable. I'm walking down the aisle like that, as I'm out of time, patience and energy to argue to get it fixed. So just as upset, where was my MOH? No where to be found. And the next day, is the Saturday she went out and I was alone, after picking up my messed up gown the day before. She hasn't seen it, has no idea what it looks like, doesn't care, and didn't care to console me after another gown ruined. Who does that? She knew how devastated I was, but couldn't hang out with me the next day at least? At least ask me to go with her at the bar, to hang with her other friends? She can't be feeling overwhelmed, she hasn't done anything. She can't be tired of hearing about the wedding, cuz she doesn't listen when she is around but yet she's not around. If I have seen her, the most is once a week to once every two weeks. We don't even talk on the phone. She even wants me to pay for her hairstylist, even though I'm not working (I recently had two surgeries in my stomach), and she makes well over $16 and hour. She says she can't afford it. I paid for the jewelery she's wearing, twice, because when my original gown was ruined and I had to choose an alternate gown, none of the jewelry matched, so I had to buy new and no, I couldn't take it back either. She didn't want to pay for her dress to be dry cleaned, she wanted me to, but I wouldn't. I did have to call around to find someone to do it, even though she was capable of doing it herself. She didn't want to get it dry cleaned if she had to pay for it, but luckily I found a place who did it for $6. If she can't afford anything, and all she has done is complained, why did she say she'd be my MOH, if she's not being the MOH? My cousin is very mad at her because she hasn't been there for me once. It makes me look pathetic. I just want to cry some more, it's so depressing. Pathetic and depressing spending Saturday night alone, drinking a beer by myself, even after picking up my ruined Bridal gown the day before, and one week before the wedding. Thanks for listening, as I don't have someone to.
She complained the one and only time, we went and got her dress, which is the same day I was scheduled for alterations. So to pick up my gown a month later, we scheduled a Saturday that she said she would for sure have off work because it was an off week. So at the last minute, she "suddenly" has to work, so I have to find someone else, or go by myself. I have been having my cousin helping me out with everything, because my MOH, just doesn't want to do anything. She isn't even there to console me, my cousin is now doing her duties, but isn't even IN the wedding party. I feel bad. I'd rather not have my MOH in it, but it's just too late. My gown was ruined beyond repair when I went to pick it up, I had to try on four other dresses for an alternate, this was two weeks before my wedding. I was devastated. She wasn't even going to get together with me, knowing I was picking up my gown that day, until I told her it was ruined. It was then when she said, "well so and so is coming over, so you can go ahead and come over." She was too busy playing cards to listen to me what happened, so all I said was it was ruined beyond repair, I had to choose an alternate, I bawled my eyes out. Her response was, "That sucks." Back to playing cards and drinking beer she went. This is all she knows, she doesn't care about providing me with emotional support. My cousin has been, as she was there to see the devastation in my eyes. So I choose an alternate gown, it wouldn't be ready for another week, which was one week before the wedding. No, she didn't go with me this time either, she didn't go anytime except the time to pick up her dress. She never even went shopping with me for anything, or any dress, or gown. So my alternate gown was also ruined. They were going to repair it, but couldn't get it to me no sooner than 4 days, which was also 4 days before the wedding. So I said forget it, they would just make it worse, as they clearly don't know what they are doing. The hem was off about an inch, uneven. Perhaps it wouldn't have been noticeable, but they hemmed up into the embroidery on one side, and left at least an inch below the embroidery on the other side. It's very noticeable. I'm walking down the aisle like that, as I'm out of time, patience and energy to argue to get it fixed. So just as upset, where was my MOH? No where to be found. And the next day, is the Saturday she went out and I was alone, after picking up my messed up gown the day before. She hasn't seen it, has no idea what it looks like, doesn't care, and didn't care to console me after another gown ruined. Who does that? She knew how devastated I was, but couldn't hang out with me the next day at least? At least ask me to go with her at the bar, to hang with her other friends? She can't be feeling overwhelmed, she hasn't done anything. She can't be tired of hearing about the wedding, cuz she doesn't listen when she is around but yet she's not around. If I have seen her, the most is once a week to once every two weeks. We don't even talk on the phone. She even wants me to pay for her hairstylist, even though I'm not working (I recently had two surgeries in my stomach), and she makes well over $16 and hour. She says she can't afford it. I paid for the jewelery she's wearing, twice, because when my original gown was ruined and I had to choose an alternate gown, none of the jewelry matched, so I had to buy new and no, I couldn't take it back either. She didn't want to pay for her dress to be dry cleaned, she wanted me to, but I wouldn't. I did have to call around to find someone to do it, even though she was capable of doing it herself. She didn't want to get it dry cleaned if she had to pay for it, but luckily I found a place who did it for $6. If she can't afford anything, and all she has done is complained, why did she say she'd be my MOH, if she's not being the MOH? My cousin is very mad at her because she hasn't been there for me once. It makes me look pathetic. I just want to cry some more, it's so depressing. Pathetic and depressing spending Saturday night alone, drinking a beer by myself, even after picking up my ruined Bridal gown the day before, and one week before the wedding. Thanks for listening, as I don't have someone to.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Worst MOH Ever!
[QUOTE]My wedding is in 5 days. I don't understand why my friend accepted the position if she had no intentions of participating. I would do everything in my power to make her day wonderful, and everything leading up to it, but she had done nothing for me. She never even threw me a Bridal Shower, or Bachelorette Party, so I never had one. She told my cousin she couldn't afford it, but she didn't need to spend anything, on anything. I just wanted to get some girlfriends together and party it up, she didn't have to pay for anything, not even me. The last Saturday, I sat alone, by myself, drank some beer by myself, because my MOH couldn't afford to throw me a party, yet she spent all Saturday night at the bar. Yet, she didn't even invite me, even though I asked what she was doing, and even said, "sounds fun." She didn't even ask what I was doing or going to do that night. She hasn't gotten together with me on anything, or any weekend, but always has someone else over, doesn't invite me, and when I ask her what she's doing, oh nothing, just gonna lay around and watch movies. Instead, she's partying it up with other people, who the next day, says they, "just showed up." But what, she can't invite me? We're suppose to be BFF's and she's suppose to be my MOH, and I just want to cry. She has offered no emotional support through this, none. She's only making me sadder through this entire process because she makes me feel like her second choice to anybody else. It's not right, and it's too late into the wedding to change anything. I don't have any other BM, it's just one person on each side. I can't believe she knew I wanted to do something, but would rather be selfish and ignore my request for fun. She knew if she didn't invite me, I'd be by myself. She doesnt' care. I am so hurt and wish I would've never asked her. She complained the one and only time, we went and got her dress, which is the same day I was scheduled for alterations. So to pick up my gown a month later, we scheduled a Saturday that she said she would for sure have off work because it was an off week. So at the last minute, she "suddenly" has to work, so I have to find someone else, or go by myself. I have been having my cousin helping me out with everything, because my MOH, just doesn't want to do anything. She isn't even there to console me, my cousin is now doing her duties, but isn't even IN the wedding party. I feel bad. I'd rather not have my MOH in it, but it's just too late. My gown was ruined beyond repair when I went to pick it up, I had to try on four other dresses for an alternate, this was two weeks before my wedding. I was devastated. She wasn't even going to get together with me, knowing I was picking up my gown that day, until I told her it was ruined. It was then when she said, "well so and so is coming over, so you can go ahead and come over." She was too busy playing cards to listen to me what happened, so all I said was it was ruined beyond repair, I had to choose an alternate, I bawled my eyes out. Her response was, "That sucks." Back to playing cards and drinking beer she went. This is all she knows, she doesn't care about providing me with emotional support. My cousin has been, as she was there to see the devastation in my eyes. So I choose an alternate gown, it wouldn't be ready for another week, which was one week before the wedding. No, she didn't go with me this time either, she didn't go anytime except the time to pick up her dress. She never even went shopping with me for anything, or any dress, or gown. So my alternate gown was also ruined. They were going to repair it, but couldn't get it to me no sooner than 4 days, which was also 4 days before the wedding. So I said forget it, they would just make it worse, as they clearly don't know what they are doing. The hem was off about an inch, uneven. Perhaps it wouldn't have been noticeable, but they hemmed up into the embroidery on one side, and left at least an inch below the embroidery on the other side. It's very noticeable. I'm walking down the aisle like that, as I'm out of time, patience and energy to argue to get it fixed. So just as upset, where was my MOH? No where to be found. And the next day, is the Saturday she went out and I was alone, after picking up my messed up gown the day before. She hasn't seen it, has no idea what it looks like, doesn't care, and didn't care to console me after another gown ruined. Who does that? She knew how devastated I was, but couldn't hang out with me the next day at least? At least ask me to go with her at the bar, to hang with her other friends? She can't be feeling overwhelmed, she hasn't done anything. She can't be tired of hearing about the wedding, cuz she doesn't listen when she is around but yet she's not around. If I have seen her, the most is once a week to once every two weeks. We don't even talk on the phone. She even wants me to pay for her hairstylist, even though I'm not working (I recently had two surgeries in my stomach), and she makes well over $16 and hour. She says she can't afford it. I paid for the jewelery she's wearing, twice, because when my original gown was ruined and I had to choose an alternate gown, none of the jewelry matched, so I had to buy new and no, I couldn't take it back either. She didn't want to pay for her dress to be dry cleaned, she wanted me to, but I wouldn't. I did have to call around to find someone to do it, even though she was capable of doing it herself. She didn't want to get it dry cleaned if she had to pay for it, but luckily I found a place who did it for $6. If she can't afford anything, and all she has done is complained, why did she say she'd be my MOH, if she's not being the MOH? My cousin is very mad at her because she hasn't been there for me once. It makes me look pathetic. I just want to cry some more, it's so depressing. Pathetic and depressing spending Saturday night alone, drinking a beer by myself, even after picking up my ruined Bridal gown the day before, and one week before the wedding. Thanks for listening, as I don't have someone to.
Posted by monitoo[/QUOTE]
Paragraphs, for Christ's sake. Nobody's gonna read that.
I got as far as "She offered no emotional support through this, none." Why do you need emotional support for a wedding? It's a party. That's all it is. If you need 'emotional support' for a freakin' party, I fully expect you to completely fall apart and be committed to an insane asylum when something really bad happens to you, like a death in the family, or the loss of a job, or a miscarriage. You know, things that truly do matter in the long run.
She is not reqired to throw a bachelorette party for you. Does the MOH and bridesmaid's typically do so? I would think most times they aren't required to and any one could have organized it for you - again, no one chose to.
I'm sorry you didn't get to have these fun events, I know it hurts to be left out and not thought of. It happens to all of us at some times, but it does hurt even more when it's a special time like this.
Your MOH doesn't have "duties" other than to buy the dress and show up on time and sober. Does the MOH typically help with some of the other things? I'd say most probably do but some don't and they usually have different reasons. Your MOH hasn't and isn't going to. You don't have any other choice but to suck it up and not let it ruin the fact that you are getting married to the person you love most in the world.
And really - use paragraphs.
Posted by monitoo[/QUOTE]
here's where you lost me.
this is where you say, "hey, can i come? meet you there!"
Me thinks this isn't new.
I totally understand. More so its the fact that she's supposed to be your best friend and happy for you on this day and her actions are showing none of that. Her role is MORE than just the MOH, she's your best friend and you've probably done so much together before a wedding even came about but now she is showing that she doesnt care about you. Its your wedding day, dont let her ruin it for you. If you have to walk down the isle without any attendants b/c of it, so be it. Dont let her actions ruin your day. Just take this as a lesson learned and realize that your friendship didnt mean as much to her as it does to you. And sometimes it takes a huge life change/event for you to be able to see who actually means you any good. You have to realize that not everyone will change with you for the better when you do and the best thing to do is to let ppl like that go so you dont lose your sanity!
Keep your head up, hun! You'll make it.
[QUOTE]I definitely understand what you are going thru.<strong> I'm not sure what it is about being in a wedding that makes the MOH or BMs change.</strong> Right now, my MOH is also my supposed BFF but I continue to have a feeling by the time my wedding comes around, I will no longer give her that title. She has not been any help to me, nor has she made time for me to help me plan or anything outside of the wedding. I know my wedding is a year off but if she's acting like this now, I'm sure its not going to change. She just gets more selfish by the day. I totally understand. More so its the fact that she's supposed to be your best friend and happy for you on this day and her actions are showing none of that. Her role is MORE than just the MOH, she's your best friend and you've probably done so much together before a wedding even came about but now she is showing that she doesnt care about you. Its your wedding day, dont let her ruin it for you. If you have to walk down the isle without any attendants b/c of it, so be it. Dont let her actions ruin your day. Just take this as a lesson learned and realize that your friendship didnt mean as much to her as it does to you. And sometimes it takes a huge life change/event for you to be able to see who actually means you any good. You have to realize that not everyone will change with you for the better when you do and the best thing to do is to let ppl like that go so you dont lose your sanity! Keep your head up, hun! You'll make it.
Posted by modelbride87[/QUOTE]
It's not the MOH or the BM that weddings change, Princess.
There are two paragraphs, thank you. I take it you have never been married? I take it, you have NEVER planned a traditional wedding? More than anything, a Bride needs emotional support due to all the things that can go wrong with planning a wedding. It is not just a "party," it is however, a celebration. The ceremony itself, is not a party either. There is so much planning involved with weddings, that until you do it, you won't know the emotional stress a Bride goes through. Because my post was too long for you to read, I did share only a small part of the emotional stress I have gone through for this special day. My wedding, does matter. It's just as important in life as anything else. I have loved and I have lost, and my wedding is just as important as those things.
A MOH needs to be at a Brides side and provide encouragement to get through, what can sometimes seem like a catastrophe. That is emotional support. That's what a friend does, should do. If your friend doesn't offer you emotional support through anything, is that person a friend? Your insensitivity shows that you have never planned a wedding and you might not know what a friend is or does. Most of us ask our BFF to be our MOH, and you count on your BFF to continue to be the most supportive person you have. Otherwise, what kind of friendship do you really have?
There are two paragraphs, thank you. Many of the websites I have searched, such as and including; bridesmaid101.com, all have a guide of the responsibilities of those in the wedding party, especially that of the MOH. There isn't a single woman or man that I have talked to, that is not aware of the "duties" of a MOH. Just like the Best Man throws the Groom a party, so does the MOH for the Bride. It is typical and it is traditional. It's not something new. These sites have indicated the MOH should provide emotional support, as well as plan and attend, both the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. Any wedding I have been to, as well as friends of friends' wedding, the MOH has and does, provide this support and planning. She contributes and participates to the wedding. I shouldn't have to ask my BFF, who is my MOH, to provide emotional support. I shouldn't have to ask her to be a friend, that's why she got the position in the first place. I shouldn't have to ask her to throw me a party, and I refuse to ask anyone to throw me a party, I shouldn't have to and that's not my style. I don't invite myself either.
I completely disagree with you thinking the MOH is only suppose to buy the dress and show up. An MOH is most important to the wedding and does have "duties." You tell me a Bride who thinks that's all her MOH needs to do. Just because she's MOH, doesn't mean she should stop acting like a friend, she should still offer the emotional support. She should be just as excited as the Bride, and honored that she was asked to be MOH. As far as my MOH, I have to hope she's not hungover on the day, because it happens to be her birthday the day before, and she has made it clear, she is partying it up that night. That's my MOH.
And a BFF who is MOH, shouldn't even think of leaving her BFF who is the Bride, left out to sit alone. That's not a friend. That's what it's about, friendship.
I see you are counting down to your day, Congratulations! So what you're telling me, is all you're expecting from your MOH, is to buy her dress and show up? Because she is your MOH, you don't expect her to offer her emotional support to you when something goes wrong? That's too much to ask from a MOH? Because I thought Brides choose their BFF to be their MOH, and she is your BFF because she's been your friend, who has along the way, offered you emotional support for whatever. And now you're telling me because she's MOH, she's not even expected to get you through the rough parts of an important day of your life? Basically it's ok for her to stop being a friend and caring? You are also saying that you don't expect her to throw you a Bridal Shower or Bachelorette Party? It's expected a Best Man throw the Groom a party, as well as the MOH for the Bride. I am not the type person to ask anyone to throw me a party, that's not my style, nor is inviting myself. I expected her to be "there" for me and I expected her to throw a party. I don't believe that's asking too much from your BFF. I shouldn't even have to ask. It's about friendship, or the lack thereof. She should be just as excited as the Bride, especially doing all the fun stuff that it entails. She should be "there" to lend a shoulder and an ear. What do you expect out of your MOH since I'm asking too much out of mine?
Also, thanks. Yes, they ruined two gowns, but luckily the alternative gown was doable, rather than beyond repair. I am hoping nobody notices the hem up into the embroidery on the one side and an inch, to an inch and half below, on the other side, which is in front of each leg. Ruins the original gown 2 weeks before the wedding and the alternative, one week before the wedding. They would have tried to fix it of course, but I wouldn't get it back until 4 days before the wedding. And if they messed up two, they surely wouldn't have fixed it correctly, that was a chance I wasn't willing to take. So I will just walk down the aisle with an uneven hem, oh well. What I also didn't mention in my original post, they messed up on my MOH dress as well. Her dress now, was my fifth pick. The place: romanticgowns.com
I don't like to invite or impose myself, I'm not like that. I never just "show up" to anyone's house without an invite either. She knew I wanted to do something, she just obviously didn't.
My MOH is a very self-centered, self-demanding person. If it isn't about her, she will make it about her. The support group I have had through this, gets me by, by reminding me that I knew how she was. It is my fault for choosing her, but I thought maybe her being my BFF, that maybe she would give me my day, my moment.
I am a victim of a bad friendship, yes. Is it something new? No. Why? Because my MOH is very self-centered and self-demanding. That's something I already knew, and still choose her to be my MOH, because she's my BFF and I was hoping that just maybe, she'd give me my special day and my special moment. My bad, because everything is still about her. Yes, I'm playing the victim, I think I have every right to. In the end, it's about friendship, or the lack thereof.
THANK YOU! You get it, you completely understand what I am feeling. That's exactly it, everything you wrote, thanks, I appreciate your understanding.
I hope things get better between you and your MOH by then, so hopefully you won't have to deal with the lack of support like I'm going through. I wish this on no Bride. She's been questioned by a couple people for her actions, or lack of support and participation, they ask her how she would feel if I was her MOH and acting like she is, and she specifically said she'd be emotionally hurt. DUH! Then they ask her how she thinks I feel and she just shrugs her shoulders I guess. My cousin had said to her the other day, they should plan a cookout or such for after rehearsal. My MOH said no and went about her thing, no explanation to why not. So my cousin is planning on taking us out to dinner, as we're not having a rehearsal dinner, just the rehearsal part.
We only have just the BM and MOH for our wedding. Even though it's small, it still takes the same amount of planning as something huge. We still have a bunch of guests coming and all that traditional jazz. We're having our ceremony outside under a gazebo, which is on a lake and we're still having a reception. Most the stress has been about my Bridal Gown, the MOH dress and the MOH. Everything else isn't so bad and I'm dealing with it. I'm a little concerned about the reception hall size, hoping it's not too small. Only got a quarter of the RSVP's back that I sent out. There is also construction going on to where the ceremony is and the reception. So guests are going to have to walk a bit from where they park, to get there. And I worry about if it will rain, I hope it doesn't, since it's an outside wedding. But most of the stress has been about the MOH and the gowns.
Whatever you do, don't let your MOH and relationship get like mine before it's too late. I know after this wedding, our friendship is over. We've gone through a lot, and she's very self-centered and selfish. Everything is ALWAYS, about her. I've finally had it. This is the last straw. She couldn't take time off herself, to give me this moment, this day? Know what I mean? I just don't have the strength anymore to keep putting myself through all her selfishness because I'm the one she hurts. You're right, I believe this friendship has meant more to me than it ever did her. So it's too late for us, and too late to kick her out of the wedding. Maybe yours can get better since you have some time yet. Good Luck!
I am really sorry about the dresses but you made a lot of mistakes according to your OP. You say your MOH was always like this - why would you expect her to change now?
P.S. I'm a bride who doesn't expect her MOH to do anything but show up in the dress.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
[QUOTE]8daysaweek /> /> Since you only expect her to show up,<strong> Who has helped you with your wedding planning? Who did you ask "what do you think about this?" </strong>Who went shopping with you? Who went shopping with you for your gown? Who told you if your gown looked pretty or try another on? <strong>Who helped you pick out decorations? Who is helping you decorate both the ceremony and the reception?</strong> Who is going to help you get ready the day of the wedding? Who is helping you put your gown on? <strong>Who is making sure everything is in order the day of the wedding?</strong> Who is going with you to get your hair done? Who helped you pick out the right jewelery? <strong>When something went wrong, like a ruined dress and your devastated over it in tears, who did you talk to? Who was there to help you deal with the store that did this, when they're trying to get out of it? Who was there to help you get through it? When something else went wrong or it happened again, who was there for you?</strong> Who threw you a Bridal Party and who threw you a Bachelorette Party? <strong>Who was with you to experience everything leading up to the day?</strong> Who was with you during all the "Girl stuff?" My Fiance has listened to me, and he's upset knowing everything going on. He couldn't be "there" though. I just don't want to make it too obvious to him, how bad I feel, because this is his day too and I don't want my drama with my MOH or the gowns, hurting him as much as it does me. I want this day to be perfect for him too, mostly him. I think a Bride (at least I do), just wants to be beautiful on that day and have her Man's jaw drop the moment he see's her, and hopefully he gets teared up. I'm not the only Bride who desires everything to be perfect, or at least according to plan. He couldn't be with me to get my gown, I'm traditional, I don't want him seeing it, or me in it until the ceremony. He can't go shopping for the dresses or the fittings. He's given me what he can, but he can't be there like my BFF should be. I didn't ask her to change, I love her for her, and don't expect her to, but I did expect her to still be a friend and give me support and my moment. Obviously expecting my BFF to continue being my BFF as she is my MOH, is too much to expect. Apparently I expect way too much out of friendship, guess I'm a little twisted to what a friendship means to me. Perhaps I've been trying too hard, and realize that I'm being way too good of a friend and I can tone it down a notch, because I'm not expected to be supportive.
Posted by monitoo[/QUOTE]
Your FI should be there for more of wedding planning than your MOH. It's HIS wedding, not hers. We planned it together. If you don't want him to see your dress that's understandable and you had someone to go with you - your cousin. Everything I bolded is stuff I did with my fiance.
Honestly that list makes it seem like you expect your MOH to be unpaid labor for your wedding. If you need that much help and support, hire a planner.
I didn't say my MOH didn't or isn't doing any of those things; she is and I appreciate them but they were not expected nor considered "duties." If she hadn't wanted to, I would have done them by myself or asked my mom or FMIL or my sister.
You seriously need to chill out. I cannot imagine what life is like to be this high-strung, dramatic and needy. Isn't that exhausting?
You have two choices here: you can change your expectations of your friend so that you are no longer disappointed or you can keep being upset and hurt and expecting her to help you with everything. If I were you, I'd do the former and enjoy my wedding day.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!
[QUOTE]8daysaweek /> /> Since you only expect her to show up, Who has helped you with your wedding planning? Who did you ask "what do you think about this?" Who went shopping with you? Who went shopping with you for your gown? Who told you if your gown looked pretty or try another on? Who helped you pick out decorations? Who is helping you decorate both the ceremony and the reception? Who is going to help you get ready the day of the wedding? Who is helping you put your gown on? Who is making sure everything is in order the day of the wedding? Who is going with you to get your hair done? Who helped you pick out the right jewelery? When something went wrong, like a ruined dress and your devastated over it in tears, who did you talk to? Who was there to help you deal with the store that did this, when they're trying to get out of it? Who was there to help you get through it? When something else went wrong or it happened again, who was there for you? Who threw you a Bridal Party and who threw you a Bachelorette Party? Who was with you to experience everything leading up to the day? Who was with you during all the "Girl stuff?" My Fiance has listened to me, and he's upset knowing everything going on. He couldn't be "there" though. I just don't want to make it too obvious to him, how bad I feel, because this is his day too and I don't want my drama with my MOH or the gowns, hurting him as much as it does me. I want this day to be perfect for him too, mostly him. I think a Bride (at least I do), just wants to be beautiful on that day and have her Man's jaw drop the moment he see's her, and hopefully he gets teared up. I'm not the only Bride who desires everything to be perfect, or at least according to plan. He couldn't be with me to get my gown, I'm traditional, I don't want him seeing it, or me in it until the ceremony. He can't go shopping for the dresses or the fittings. He's given me what he can, but he can't be there like my BFF should be. I didn't ask her to change, I love her for her, and don't expect her to, but I did expect her to still be a friend and give me support and my moment. Obviously expecting my BFF to continue being my BFF as she is my MOH, is too much to expect. Apparently I expect way too much out of friendship, guess I'm a little twisted to what a friendship means to me. Perhaps I've been trying too hard, and realize that I'm being way too good of a friend and I can tone it down a notch, because I'm not expected to be supportive.
Posted by monitoo[/QUOTE]
Ummm, I'm planning our wedding with FI.
For things like dress shopping, I took some people to the first round but when that didn't work out, I put on my big girl panties and went by myself. And you know what? I was able to pick out something I love without being forced into others' opinions. I love my dress. For the BM's, I simply chose a color and they pick their own dress.
When our coordinator's communication sucked and I got frustrated, I talked to FI about it.
I also only expect my MOH to show up to my wedding in the correct color dress. That's it.
The PP's are right, chill out.
[QUOTE]Zitqueen /> /> There are two paragraphs, thank you. I take it you have never been married? I take it, you have NEVER planned a traditional wedding? More than anything, a Bride needs emotional support due to all the things that can go wrong with planning a wedding. It is not just a "party," it is however, a celebration. The ceremony itself, is not a party either. <strong>There is so much planning involved with weddings, that until you do it, you won't know the emotional stress a Bride goes through</strong>. Because my post was too long for you to read, I did share only a small part of the emotional stress I have gone through for this special day. My wedding, does matter. It's just as important in life as anything else. I have loved and I have lost, and my wedding is just as important as those things.
A MOH needs to be at a Brides side and provide encouragement to get through, what can sometimes seem like a catastrophe. That is emotional support. That's what a friend does, should do. If your friend doesn't offer you emotional support through anything, is that person a friend? Your insensitivity shows that you have never planned a wedding and you might not know what a friend is or does. Most of us ask our BFF to be our MOH, and you count on your BFF to continue to be the most supportive person you have. Otherwise, what kind of friendship do you really have?
Posted by monitoo[/QUOTE]
Um, hi. I'm getting married in 8 days. I have no idea why you are getting so worked up. FI and I are planning a traditional wedding and there haven't been any problems. Try to relax. You're planning a wedding, not a funeral. It's a happy occasion. Why do you need emotional support to plan a wedding? I'm sorry your dresses were ruined. I really am. That totally sucks. And what I would have done after the first one was ruined would have been to take it somewhere else. Just remember, at the end of the day you'll be married.
ETA: I also had one of my moh drop out with 19 days to go. I just took it in stride and went on with life. Btw, she was my sister. Did I freak out? Nope. Why? Because it would all end up the same whether she was up there or not. I'd still be married. Just relax. It'll be fine.
ETA: After reading more of what you said, do you know what I'm expecting of my bm and remaining moh? Absolutely nothing. I have not asked anything of them and they have been happy to offer assitance with things. They don't have duties. They're not your hired help. Bachelorette parties and showers are gifts, not requirements.
If you need emotional support and planning help, that's what your FI is there for. It's his wedding too. Not to mention that it's hillarious that you are saying "you won't know what stress a bride goes though yadda yadda yadda" Um HELLO...this is a WEDDING website. We are ALL planning weddings too! Some of these ladies are already married, believe me...we all know what it takes to plan a wedding. And it doesn't take making your MOH your slave for a year....
You're an adult. You can pick you friends.
My MOH was my sister. We both work full time and never typical hours. During the months of planning, I saw her about four times. She didn't help me plan anything and I didn't expect her to. FI and I did all the planning as it was our wedding.
In all honesty, and I don't want you to think I'm being mean, but it's the truth and it's for all brides: no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. Yes, they'll be happy to attend, they'll be happy you are marrying the love of your life, but they don't care about the details.
I'm very sorry to hear about your dresses. That really does suck. But perhaps if you just remember the big picture: at the end of the day, you and your FI will be married. That's the whole point. Your MOH, the dresses, none of that matters as much as the reason for the day.
I wish you the best on your wedding day.
planning