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Lesson Learned

sbolger17sbolger17 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in New York
So...everyone always tells you not to count on other people's money until it's in your hands.  And I think I just learned that lesson the hard way. 

My mom told me she was in for a certain amount so I planned my budget using that number.  She gave us part of it last December and I just asked her for the rest now as we have lots of big bills coming up.  She responded back saying that she would send it minus a few things she paid for for the wedding (totally fine and expected) and her dress and lodging for the wedding.  Excuse me?!  I was dumbfounded that she would include that as part of our wedding money.  I guess when we talked numbers, she meant, I have this amount to spend for your wedding as opposed to, I will give you this amount for the wedding, but that was really not clear to me. 

So now we're about 1K short of what we planned.  We have the money, so it's not the biggest deal, but it's still a lot of money that we weren't planning on spending on the wedding.

Just a warning to others as I never thought this would happen to me...and I still find her response incredibly strange.
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Re: Lesson Learned

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    kevinandmonica2011kevinandmonica2011 member
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    edited December 2011
    ugh.  So sorry you got dumped on.  Undecided  Good idea to post... so many people are so trusting when parents talk money and, unfortunately... the parents can't always live up to what they promise (for various reasons)... 

    It's weird that she would include those expenses in her contribution... perhaps those expenses just snuck up on her or cost more than she budgeted and this was her solution to that problem. 

    Either way, it stinks for you.  Hopefully you and fi can come up with the money and will be reimbursed gift-wise.  Fingers crossed.
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    DondadaTimes2DondadaTimes2
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    edited December 2011
    Yikes. Sorry to hear about that.

    We got lucky with DHs mom as something like that could have happened to us too. She has a set amount that shes giving to each of her kids(step & biological). She made it perfectly clear to each of us that when the time comes, this is what you get. Well, when we bought our house (1.5 yrs ago) she gave us 2G as a "gift" to put toward the immediate costs and such. Well in her head that meant, heres part of your wedding money early and toward the house. Which left us with $500 from her. I dont know if she ever planned on telling us this but I had mentioned early on in my planning about FIL offering to cover the rehearsal dinner and she said something along the lines of "well thats good cuz youre only getting 500 from me" and I had to question that statement to know the 2G for the house wasnt so much a gift as it was wedding money relocated.

    Definitely only count the money in your hand when planning.

    People are inherently stupid. Weddings make it painfully obvious -- KevinandMonica
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    Happily9Happily9 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am starting to think this may be the case with my FMIL.  She gave us a certain dollar amount in the beginning and we have seen half...thinking the other half might not make it our way. 
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    acmj11acmj11
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with this 100%!  My dad and stepmom beat around the bush giving us an actual dollar amount.  They just said they would pay for whatever Marc's parents weren't paying for for the reception.  Three weeks before the wedding my stepmom started freaking out and trying to come up with ways to save $!  She wanted to change the menu, close the bar during dinner, and cut back on the open bar altogether!  Three.weeks.before.  I was frantic!  It all ended up working out because we had a ton of people rsvp that they couldn't come and I actually over estimated the cost per person by $5.  But really, definitely unnecessary stress!
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    bitofritsbitofrits member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That stinks.  I basically told my FI not to include the money my family was offering in our budget, but to think of it as a nice bonus if it happens.  They mean well, but often don't follow up with their promises when it comes to money.  Unfortunately his side aren't in a position to even offer anything.  But I know what you mean -- having an expectation or even a hope makes it so it still stinks when it doesn't happen.  Good luck!!
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