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Should I make 1 sister-in-law a BM and not the other?

fschullerfschuller member
Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Moms and Maids
Hello, all. I have two future sister-in-laws. One of which (let's call her D),I am much closer to. D and I hang out on a personal level and we all go on double dates together. The other future sister-in-law (let's call her P) also seems really nice, but we don't know each other very well. She has two young children and she has been diagnosed with cancer. P is currently undergoing chemotherapy. When I first decided I wanted D to be a bridesmaid, I decided I would ask P how she felt about it first. That was when she was diagnosed. I am not wanting to mention petty wedding things with P when she is obviously going through a difficult time emotionally and physically. I am however, wanting both of her children to be wedding party members, flower girl and ring bearer. Do you think she will be content with that? Should I ask her to be a BM so she's not left out, knowing she may not be up for it physically? When should I bring this stuff up when I don't know when she'll be healthy enough to see me? The last thing I want is to give her problems that would be hazardous to her health.
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Re: Should I make 1 sister-in-law a BM and not the other?

  • Carson386Carson386 member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    you're wedding is still quite a ways away. You really don't have to pick BMs for at least another 6 months. I would ask (when she is feeling better) if she would like to be a BM. There's no saying how she will feel in a year. My cousin was jsut diagnosed 7 weeks go with a stage 3 cancer, he is already feeling better and they expect in the next 4-6 weeks he will be able to be around people again. Cancer is aweird thing and you never really kow especially that far in advance. I would hold off for a while until she feels better and ask. If she says no, then it' a no.But it might just give her something to look forward to. I'm really sorry you and the family have to deal with cancer, it really sucks
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  • fschullerfschuller member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    It might not be so bad if his father didn't have it, too. We're hoping and praying he lives to see his youngest son get married. The FI wants his father to be the Best Man
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If your FSIL didn't have cancer, would you want her to be in your wedding party? That's your answer.

    If you decide to ask her to be a bm and she is undergoing chemo at the time of your wedding, she may not be able to attend. You should still list her as a bm in your program and give her an attendants gift. If she is able to stand up, you may have to have a seat for her to rest during the ceremony. Or she may be perfectly healthy, there's no way to know.

    I think it's very sensitive of you to give everyone a chance to focus on P's health before you choose your wedding party. They have a lot to think about right now. It's smart to wait until 6 - 9 months before the wedding to choose your attendants, anyway, because relationships can change.

    Good luck
                       
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