MOH/BM Situation

Miss Esa · May 2012

Just looking for some input on this...

I am not close with many females, and I guess I had a ‘falling out’ with my best friend a few weeks ago. She was/is cheating on her BF, who is also my friend, and she has started smoking pot and doing other drugs. (She brought up both in conversation the last time we saw each other.) She has not returned a call or text in over two months. I had tried to contact her for movie night, parties, and other social events. Since her recent drug usage she has been kicked out of her parent’s house for a fourth time. She is not the kind of girl that I go out of my way to hang out with, but because she was my best friend for 6 years I thought I would at least try. It’s been two months since I have heard from her. The only reason I know she is sill alive is because of Facebook. We never discussed her being in my bridal party, but I found out from a mutual friend that she assumes that she will be my MOH. I was going to ask her to be my MOH before all this started, but I don’t want to anymore.

I was thinking about skipping out on having a MOH all together and just having three BMs.

I want to ask my Uncle’s grandkids to be my BMs. One is 16 one is 10, however their parents are currently going through a rough divorce, and I don’t know what to say to them. I wanted to confirm it with their mom before I asked them, but I’m afraid it might not be the best idea with the divorce in progress.

My SO and I also have a mutual friend that I wanted to ask to be my third BM. She is 20, and she is like a younger sister to both my SO and I. She recently went through an attempted suicide, and has depression; she has very few friends, and is very vulnerable. He mother is bipolar and has a terrible temper. Just the other week she called my SO and told him that if he ever went to her house again she would have him arrested. (Her daughter doesn’t have a car anymore, and Dan and I pick her up when we hang out. She lives near my work, and the drive has never been an issue) I’m afraid that her mother will be an issue if I ask her to be a BM.

I really want to ask the three of them to stand by me on my wedding day, but I’m afraid that because of their parental situations that it might not be the best idea.

What do you guys think?

*Edit:

I am not going to ask the girls to be part of my bridal party just yet. I plan on waiting a few more months before I bring it up with anyone involved. I just want to get some input on the situatuons at hand.

anastassiiat · May 2012

I would probably wait to make a final decision. There is still over a year until the wedding so I don't think there is any rush in choosing BMs (I've only chosen my MOH and haven't even thought how many BMs I'll have). Do you think you'd be OK with your best friend not being at your wedding? Because if she's assuming that she's your MOH and you don't have her at the bridal party at all chances are she might get very upset about it. At least that's the feel I get from lurking at other posts regarding MOHs. With the rest of the girls I'm really not sure what to suggest... Maybe wait until the divorce is finalized so that the whole situation is a little bit easier on them? Sorry about your situation, it seems tough and I hope it works out for you!

emilyb213 · May 2012

I don't think there's anything wrong with skipping the maid of honor if you don't feel like there's anyone close enough to you to fill that role.

With regards to your uncle's grandkids: Definitely talk to their mom first. If their parents are going through a rough divorce, being asked to be bridesmaids could give the girls something happy/fun to look forward to and talk about.

As for the friend, the same thing kind of applies...if she's going through some stuff, knowing that there are people out there who care about her enough to ask her to be a part of their wedding could help her a little bit (not saying you should ask her out of pity or anything). A caveat with your friend: if you decide to ask her, I'd consider the fact that due to the things going on in her life, including her mother, she very well could end up bailing at the last minute.

Also, you still have some time before you really need to ask anyone...maybe let things settle down a little bit before asking your bridesmaids?

cnf2013 · May 2012

I agree with PP and would wait to see how these things kind of shake out.

I asked all my girls in a flurry of excitement right after getting engaged in December. It wasn't until after the fact that I thought about it realized one girl who I had known for so long and asked, I probably would have rather just invited as a guest instead. A girl I went to college with and was pretty close with the whole time lives in the city I took my first (and most despised) job in and she was honestly my saving grace last year because of it. If I had put more thought into I would have asked her. But FI and I agreed on the number of attendants (five each) and anymore than that just seems too much for us personally. Oh well, c'est la vie. I'm still happy with my selection overall.

Miss Esa · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_mohbm-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:d52dba40-026a-44b6-8cb4-158101051ed2Post:c240d021-f49f-43f6-b370-461e0f88cc8e">Re: MOH/BM Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, you still have some time before you really need to ask anyone...maybe let things settle down a little bit before asking your bridesmaids?
Posted by emilyb213[/QUOTE]

I'm not goint to ask this soon, I was going to wait around September to ask everyone, especially becuase of all the family drama that is going on.
I don't really have any family that I can bring up issues or concerns with, so I don't really have anyone to discuss this kind of thing with.

cnf2013 · May 2012

Well you're always welcome to come vent here. Sorry if all of us pushing you to wait felt more like advice then comforting. No harm meant!

sparkles776 · May 2012

I agree, in your situation I would wait and see what happens. I just started asking my BMs in March as I saw them in person. I was torn between who to ask to be my MOH and I was on the fence about asking one of my friends to be a BM, I still havent asked her yet either. So if I dont ask, we will be uneven, I will have 5 and FI will have 6, I am totally ok with that though.

belle7fl · May 2012

I would definitely take your time. I'm not really friends with any females either so I always worried about who would be in my WP. I always assumed I would have a man of honor but I had a falling out with my bf for similar reasons. He started drinking heavily and getting in trouble so I had to cut him out of my life for a while. We recently got back in touch and he apologized for everything and has turned his life around. You never know what could happen in a few months, your bf might be going through a phase and snap out of it especially if she realizes she's not quite MOH material right now.

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