Cold feet or just feeling guilty?

Re: Cold feet or just feeling guilty?

• Eliza_Land

  

  November 2009

  
  Oh no, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  It sounds like a terrible choice to have to make. My advice would be to try and think about how you would feel if you weren't dealing with the situation with your grandfather. I have a feeling you would still want to get married if it weren't for your family crisis.
  
  Also, maybe instead of cancelling, you could just modify your plans a little. How about letting your closest family members know, so that they can contact you if your grandparents need anything from you. I know you're nervous about anouncing your wedding at such a volatile time, but if your family knows all the planning you've put into this, I'm sure they'll understand and will even want you to go through with it.
  
  I hope that advice helps, and that it all works out. I really want you to have a place to wear your fabulous shoes!!

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• FutureMrs.McC

  

  November 2009

  This will probably not be what you want to hear.  I was going to say you should go through with your plans until I got to the part about you eloping.  Unfortunately, I believe this is a completely inappropriate time for you to elope.  Even if you have been planning on doing so for quite some time, elopements are generally viewed as spur of the moment decision.  I have to believe your family would be completely miffed at why you would choose now to do so.  If you don't mind me asking, what is the reason you're eloping?
  
  GL - T&P to your grandfather.

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• chosen175 member

  

  November 2009

  When people choose to elope, it's generally because they don't want their family there for whatever reason.  You decided to elope, knowing your grandparents wouldn't be there and even though he's sick, I don't understand why you feel guilty.  You weren't going to invite them anyway, right?
  
  Honestly, if you wait until the "perfect" time to elope, there will never be one.  There will always be some family issue or another that will prevent you from going.  So your coices would be to either get married at home (whether or not you choose to tell anyone) or have your wedding the way you planned.
  
  Personally, I would go ahead with the wedding and maybe leave contact info with 1 family member in case you are needed.  And if you can, call your grandma every few days and see if she has any questions for you - that might put you at ease about leaving.  GL!

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• FutureMrs.McC

  

  November 2009

  I've thought more about this and think I've changed my mind.  Continue with your original plans.  Buy yourself a calling card when you get to Jamaica and check with your grandmother.  GIve her your number for emergencies and enjoy your wedding!  Remember it's VERY expensive to call to/from Jamaica so be sure to use a calling card.

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• LesaBear member

  

  November 2009

  It is a little odd since your family doesn’t know you plan on getting married. I got engaged while my brother was in the oncology ward. I felt a little bad about whether I was taking attention away from him, but as it turned out my family lived in the hospital. Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc were all celebrated in the hospital. Regardless you have to keep living.

  Since you hadn’t planned on having your family there I wouldn’t feel guilty, but I would worry about whether it would upset any of your family members that you got married without them. As in (from mom’s view) my dad is very ill and now I’ve missed my daughter’s wedding.

  Good Luck

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• lovemyffbf

  

  November 2009

  Hi Everyone,
  Thank you so much for letting me vent and for giving me HONEST opinions.  I appreciate that more than anything. 
  
  We went to visit with my grandfather today, and he is actually feeling really good for day 3 of chemo.  We have gotten final patho back and we caught it early.  He was in such good health otherwise, they are treating him like they would a 30 year old, so the MDs are very optimistic.
  
  Just to clear things up, we are not eloping because we don't want our family there.  We are eloping because this is us, a traditional wedding is not.
  
  We decided to tell my grandparents today and they were ecstatic.  They were so happy for us and encouraged us to continue with our plans.  And, they can't wait for us to come back and let the rest of our family know.  My grandmother already called about a reception at our favorite family restaurant back home.
  
  I feel so much better now knowing the outlook for my grandfather is better than we thought and that they are so happy about our decision.  The best moment was when my grandfather said "I have to whoop this cancer real quick so I can dance with you at a reception."
  
  Thanks again for all your support and suggestions.  1 week to go!
  

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