Catholic Pre-Marriage Classes / Meetings - What to expect?

brianabrad · April 2010

Hello,

My FI and I are meeting with his Father tomorrow afternoon and I'm super nervous. I was not raised in a Catholic or religious home and I really have no idea what to expect. My FI is not overly religious either but he was raised Catholic and baptized in the Catholic church. We only began attending this church a few weeks ago. Does anyone have any advice or any idea of what to expect?

Also, if anyone has any information about the pre-cana classes I'd love to hear it!

P.S. - I was a little unsure of posting this because I wasn't sure if religious questions were allowed. I don't mean to offend anyone!

shellydiane820 · April 2010

Its not as horrible as it seems. There were only a few times I felt uncomfortable.

You're going to take a test that's about 150+ questions, its called FOCUUS (I think that's the acronym, I can't remember now) Anyway, its a compatability test.

Then you spend the rest of your meetings going over the answers and discussing the ones you don't agree on.

With the pre-cana there were three different classes and you have to take two, or you can do a weekend retreat. We did the 2 classes, they were about 7 hours each. Its really just a speaker talking to you about NFP, importance of communication, etc.

shamaingtz · April 2010

Don't worry, I'm still taking my classes and there great. It's just a way of the church preparing you for matrimony. Exactly what it means, marriage -prep. They talk about communication, sexuality, religion, ect.. In the end you'll be thankful you took them.

brianabrad · April 2010

Thanks for all the info so far . . keep it coming! I guess I am most nervous because I am not I am not Catholic and I'm concerned with what bearing that will have on our meetings. Tomorrow we just have our first meeting and I'm really anxious to know what will be discussed . . did anyone talk about the wedding dates during the first meeting?

andyandhillary · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_catholic-pre-marriage-classes-meetings-expect?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0a3b57e2-07f8-4307-9f5c-3ee06d03c73fPost:f342b229-b754-4151-b56b-138a2ef0565d">Re: Catholic Pre-Marriage Classes / Meetings - What to expect?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Shelly. We did the weekend retreat, and I highly recommend it. The focus is on making sure you and your FI discuss many of the common issues that people face in marriage (money, career, kids/discipline, religion, etc) and try to work out whether you are on the same page, not that you are necessarily doing what the church says you have to do. It's not nearly as scary as it sounds, and (IMHO) most of the meetings were quick discussions that lead to more in depth discussions between the two of us after we'd left.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I did the same.

It also depends on the parish you are attending. I attend a parish where everyone knows that hardly anyone uses NFP so they didn't harp on it. The woman who was leading the retreat basically told us to pray on what was right for our marriage and left it at that.

My FI isn't Catholic and that wasn't an issue at all in this process. They ask how you will raise the children so you'll need to discuss that.

SaraAndrew2010 · April 2010

Ditto everyone else on the Pre-Cana classes. They were painless and useful.

The first meeting with the priest will probably mostly be introductions and going over the basic process. You'll probably talk about wedding dates, paperwork that needs to be filled out, classes that you'll need to attend. You'll also probably get a small booklet, "Together for Life" that talks about the importance of marriage in the church and helps you pick out parts of your ceremony.

Also, questions about religion are definitely allowed. FYI under the "Cultural Wedding Boards" you'll find boards for Catholic weddings, Christian weddings, and Interfaith weddings that will also probably be helpful to you.

AlexiaANDRobert · April 2010

I didn't notice anyone mention that there is a Catholic board also... they're also a really good source of information.

FWIW, Robert and I went to the Pre Cana weekend retreat and we felt like we wasted our time. Most of our relationship was LDR so we communicate pretty awesomely.

I never felt uncomfortable, but Robert and I had talked about 99% of what was brought up so it didn't bother us.

We set our wedding date after we took the FOCUUS survey.

Robert and I are both Catholic so we didn't have anything to worry about there.

His sister married a non-catholic and my sister married a non-catholic and they didn't have any problems either.

Don't be nervous or scared! Don't be afraid to ask questions. Talk to your FI about anything and everything - Good luck!

brianabrad · April 2010

You ladies rock! I appreciate all the advice and honest answers. I am looking forward to the meeting with Father Thomas today I'm just nervous and anxious to know what will be going on. I think the classes will be great for Brad and I. We are very open with each and I feel like we communicate very well but I also know there are things we haven't talked about that we should (probably things we haven't even thought about yet).

Brad and I are both hoping that we are able to discuss dates today and hopefully get it set up. Our families are both wanting to know so they can plan to come! His family has another wedding next summer as well so they all want to make sure to plan for both.

I'll be sure to check out the other boards as well . . I am very open to learning everything I can. I like to e prepared that way.

AriaGoose · April 2010

Good luck with your retreat/classes! My FI and I are still trying to get signed up for some (our parish is military and doesn't offer any) but I've heard nothing but good things about them! They should cover everything folks already mentioned, but most places DO include a course on Natural Family Planning (NFP), which is totally awesome. If yours doesn't, you should definitely look into it, at least from a health perspective! Don't worry about not being Catholic - this is all about making your relationship stronger and your marriage better, not about making anyone feel uncomfortable or out of place.

nettje · April 2010

I'm half way through ours as well... we're taking the classes through another church than the one we're getting married in (we're marrying in another city) and the Father of the church where we're getting married is very relaxed and easy going about everything (I'm not Catholic or baptized and this can be an issue for some parishes) and the father who is putting us through the course is super strict. In fact, he told our group not to book our dates because he may not approve our marriages.

The course itself is great... makes you discuss things that you may not have discussed yet in the relationship and it's usually the important stuff. Definitely worth it.

Good luck with it all...

mica178 · April 2010

We just did our Engaged Encounter weekend. The focus was on communication. My (non-Catholic) FI actually was upset because three of the six presenters were divorced and one couple talked about their IVF experience. Our weekend didn't cover NFP at all because they said it was too complicated to be covered in the short amount of time they had allotted. A bunch of the other couples there admitted to living together or using the Pill for BC.

All in all, it was a positive, very non-preachy experience. As the Church doesn't approve of divorce, it's reasonable that they ask people who want to be married to do pre-marital counseling.

lisaD26 · April 2010

Good question, I was wondering the same thing

Ours is on the 23rd, and I'm worried about how it will go. I feel a little better now.

Thanks.

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