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Bridezilla?!?!

Do any other brides feel like they have to walk on eggshells for fear of being called "bridezilla"?!?! I don't have the personality to be bridezilla, but I also am not about to get walked all over by the people in the wedding party because I don't want them to call me bridezilla.

I have 7 bridesmaids, and they are all completely different personalities. We just had a BM dress shopping weekend, where I had a huge breakdown b/c one of my BMs had a huge brat fit b/c I didn't pick the dress she loved. After her fit, everyone's mood was just crappy. I actually had another girl say "I'm not trying on any more dresses, I'm just too burnt out." It was the second bridal shop of the day, but she had tried on MAYBE 4 different dresses the whole day. I wanted to scream and tell them all to just go home, but I cried in the bathroom instead.... I have a future SIL who is a BM and she asked me if I was going to make her wear make up the day of the wedding. I said yes, though I know she's very naturalistic. I'm not asking her to be a clown or get air brushed make up... just wear a little bit of something.

After the weekend my future MIL called my fiance and asked him to talk to me about everything. She said she was worried if everything wasn't perfect the day of the wedding, that I would have a breakdown/become bridezilla.

Is it wrong that I want our wedding to be as perfect as can be?? Is it wrong to ask my bridesmaids to wear the same style dress b/c I want the focus to be on me and my fiance? (ps, all my BMs are between a size 3-8, so the dresses they did try on looked good on everyone) I don't think it's wrong for me and my fiance to want what we want for our day. We take our parents ideas and advice into account, of course, but I'm not giving in to my BMs b/c they want to control certain things. Am I out of line here or are there any other brides feeling the same??

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Re: Bridezilla?!?!

  • I think people look for any excuse and any behavior to accuse a woman of being a bridezilla and I hate that.  It is your day and your dream and you should be able to express your desires (within reason) without being made to feel unreasonable or bad.  :(  Sorry you had such a rough experience.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d96ffdac-3ee5-454a-b238-de6681164dd9Post:8eb678c0-b58b-4cb7-85f7-7ede9400eae6">Re: Bridezilla?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for the advice. I do realize little things will happen the day of the wedding, and not everything will be perfectly perfect. I understand that. And I know I am making a big deal out of the whole thing. (I've already had two dreams about not being prepared and being late for the wedding... <strong>and our wedding isn't until next June</strong>). The wedding is a vintage/rockabilly/pin up theme, so I just want to make sure the dresses go with the theme. Plus, my dress is a certain style, and it's difficult to find dresses that compliment the style. I suppose I could branch out in dress styles for the girls. Thanks again!
    Posted by LAK011[/QUOTE]

    Well then your first problem is that you are looking at BM dresses WAY early.   It's unrealistic to expect your BMs to be happy and excited about dresses this far in advance.

    Your comment about the makeup was pretty rude.  I'm 28 and I don't wear makeup.  Why on earth would that not be an option?
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • aerin -  perfect answer!
                       
  • I love the theme of your wedding. I understand that you want a very specific look. Maybe compromise with them? Say "I would really like if you girls could wear this certain dress for the ceremony and pictures. For the reception, get comfortable and wear whatever dress you like. This is a party, not a masterpiece theater reading."   Your wedding theme is really cute, casual, and fun. Check www.pacificplex.com for adorable party dresses that are NOT that expensive! Betsy Johnson makes fabulous dresses that fit your theme too.

    As for the make-up, explain it just shows up good for photos. Ask the girl that doesn't like make up to just wear some light lip gloss for the pictures

    Be willing to work with their likes and dislikes. Remember, after the wedding is over you still want these girls as friends :)


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  • That's the only reason I was taken off guard when she asked if I was going to make her wear make up... the photos. Flashes and such wash people out.... that's all....


    Angrytomato, I loove Betsey Johnson! Her shoes are amazing! Just a little out of budget... lol

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d96ffdac-3ee5-454a-b238-de6681164dd9Post:b8114627-2810-4b0e-b5ef-e716c0ef709a">Re: Bridezilla?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's the only reason I was taken off guard when she asked if I was going to make her wear make up... the photos. <strong>Flashes and such wash people out..</strong>.. that's all.... Angrytomato, I loove Betsey Johnson! Her shoes are amazing! Just a little out of budget... lol
    Posted by LAK011[/QUOTE]

    Again, though, so what if she's washed out in photos? (which is really not all that obvious in a wedding photo.  A magazine photo shoot with high powered lights, etc. maybe.)   I really feel like you're overthinking this.  It's her face.  Let her do what she wants with it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • You all are completely right. If she doesn't want to wear make up, that should be her decision. When I wrote this post, it was fresh in my mind and I hadn't had much time to cool off. I do care about my BMs feelings and I'm not about to make them pay money for a dress that they hate...
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  • This is so true!!  I am fairly laid back and if I say boo the wrong way it is.  OO there is bridezilla. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridezilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:d96ffdac-3ee5-454a-b238-de6681164dd9Post:80a14350-7b7c-43a0-b2f7-a740069fbb1e">Re: Bridezilla?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think people look for any excuse and any behavior to accuse a woman of being a bridezilla and I hate that.  It is your day and your dream and you should be able to express your desires (within reason) without being made to feel unreasonable or bad.  :(  Sorry you had such a rough experience.
    Posted by Meagan78[/QUOTE]
  • Forcing one of your bridesmaids to wear makeup when she is uncomfortable doing so is definition bridezilla if you ask me.  Trust me when I say NO ONE but you would ever notice her lack of make up.  Even if they did, it would in no way reflect you.
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  • I would imagine that trying on dresses as such a big group would be tiring.

    Before you look at any more dresses, as you BMs what they like/dislike about a few dress pictures.  From that narrow it down to 2-3 dresses that everyone at least sort of likes ad just have them try those on.  If someone hates empire waist, don't consider any of those, since not a lot could be done about that.  If someone dislikes strapless, consider ones you could add straps to.

    You said your FSIL is naturalistic.  Do you mean doesn't wear make-up, or only wears natural make-up?  Either way, I bet if you were nice about it, she'd wear a little powder and chapstick if you asked.

  • Jenn, a little of both. She's very organic to begin with, very in tune with what brands are consumer friendly and such. I don't think she owns any make up, so she's not used to wearing it. Thanks for the advice on the dresses too!
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  • I think it's challenging managing a bigger bridal party in the first place.  You said it yourself...that's a lot of personalities and opinions to juggle.  And it's just a lot of people's nature to want and be as accomodating as possible especially because of the whole "bridezilla" thing.  Gosh I hate that word!  Having an opinion other than the groups does not mean we're awful brides!

    About the dress thing...if you want them all in the same dress I think that is your right.  My WP will all be wearing the same dress and I'm just taking my MOH with me and between the 2 of us trying on dresses (2 different body types), I will make a decision on what dress everyone will be wearing.  Group shopping trips are stressful and you don't need that right now.  Your bridal party is there to support you on your day.  I doubt you want to intentionally make any of them look awful and they should realize that and trust your judgment.

    The makeup thing...I kind of agree with you.  You aren't asking her to do the "works" but something to show up in pictures (a little mascara, lip gloss) that will not incringe on her comfort.  Maybe you can compromise on that.  There was another response about why you would care how she looked in pictures...weeeellll they're still your wedding pictures and one person looking washed out in them can throw off a beautiful picture.  So I don't think you're ridiculous.
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