Vent/advice wanted - How do I say...

Re: Vent/advice wanted - How do I say...

• kyrgyzstan member

  

  January 2012 edited January 2012

  Tell him that you know it's an adjustment, but you are nervous about him not working because of XYZ. H got out of the MC right after we started dating (he went back in later, not an option these days), and though he was promised a job with a civilian company, he lost that opportunity when they froze hiring. It was awful. I felt so insecure about money, and I was sniping at him all the time. I also suggest counseling if you have cheap access or can afford it. This is a huge adjustment for you both, and it makes sense that you're both having trouble with it.

  I hate Dave Ramsey

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• amh04

  

  January 2012

  I agree with Wish - Let him know that you understand its a huge adjustment, because it really is, but you need to be able to calmy voice your opinion and how this is making you feel. Maybe sit down in a comfortable place and just say Honey, I'm really concerned, and I don't want to nag you, but the constant forgetting to apply for jobs, and find your motorcycle really has been concerned and stressed out. It's important to be calm, and tell him that you really want him to succeed and although you don't care for the bike acknowledge that you know its important to him, and tell him you really want him to find it and if he doesn't find it by next week you all should consider filing a report, so at least your insurance coverage can cover a new bike.
  
  It's important to be honest with him. While my FI is still AD, he is seriously forgetful and at times I feel like I am nagging him or acting like his mom. But after a long talk, I asked him how I could help express what he needed/I would like him to do and have it actually get done and our result was making him a to do list.
  
  I hope something I said helps. Hang in there. Boys can be super stressful at times.

  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  January 2012

  Was he like this when he was still on active duty?  If this is completely out of character I would treat it a bit more seriously as in he needs some help.  If this is his norm, you need to have a bit of a Come to Jesus meeting.

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• tyleet87 member

  

  January 2012

  I agree with the PP's but I also...if you feel comfortable to...talk to his mother! My FIL's knows how to get through to FI sometimes when I can't. It's annoying but sometimes welcome. There were times in boot camp and OCS when he was really really down and no matter what I said he was not feeling any better. Well FFIL would get on the phone and say a few things to him and the next time I talked to FI he was his old cheery self. It's amazing!
  
  Everyone works differently though. If I wanted FI to really do something (especially wedding related right now) I would tell him flat out... "Look dude, I really need you to print out that map of Ireland so we can plan what we're going to do on our HM or else I'm going to go home." He usually will go do it. I don't just let things go and I can be impatient so when I need him to do something, especially for his own benefit, then I'll cross my arms and wait until he gets up and does it. None of us should marry someone immature but sometimes even mature guys need a little nudging.
  
  Good luck.

  

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