Hello Everyone!

Kimmerss2 · January 2011

Hello Everyone!

My name is Kimberly

I was once a lurker and I've decided to unlurk myself! I'm actually already married...we eloped on September 22nd in Vegas! But now I'm actually trying to plan a wedding for January 28th 2012 at Arrowhead Lodge!

It's definitely proving to be a...unique!!! experience! There's lots of discussions between my mom, my sister and myself about some of the etiquette of things...so it's been a little bumpy so far!!

going to look at dresses next month! I've got a Maid of Honor (My sister), a Matron of Honor (one of my best friends) and a Bridesman (my other best friend!) my hubby has a Best Woman, and 2 groomsmen!

Theme of the wedding is going to be snowflakes, with the colors being white, silver and blues!

So...i guess that gives a good basis of what's going on so far!!

I'm very glad to be here with everyone!!!!

And any advice on the elopement and now wedding...would be appreciated!

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

Hi and welcome!!!
My only advice would be to be honest with your guests about the fact that you are already married.
If you check the ceremony board, there is a lot of brutally honest advice regarding this subject.
Check out.... http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york
That's the most recent one I found, but there are a bunch of others. General consensus is that it's not a good idea.
Throw a big party, a reception, sure... but I would hesitate to call it a wedding, because you are already married.... it's not really something you get to re-do.
I guess as long as your guests know you are already married, it's one thing... but if you lie and try to pull off a big fake wedding, you will get caught and it will be really humiliating.
Personally, I think a true wedding dress and WP is a bit much... seems like you are going for the "put on a fake wedding" kind of thing... are you planning to do vows, etc?? Eeeek... dunno....
Sorry if this comes across harsh, but I am just being honest.

DondadaTimes2 · January 2011

Congrats on the elopement! I definitely wish Josh and I did it.

I agree with Monica & Kara...unless...you're going to do a vow renewal type of deal, then I think having a dress and a WP wouldnt be such a big deal. But again, your guests need to know that you're already married.

I loooove Arrowhead Lodge! Josh and i looked into it but I really wanted a place that took care of all the decorating, etc for me. I love the outdoorsy-ness of it all.

Im glad you unlurked!!

sbolger17 · January 2011

I think having a dress is okay! Maybe a ballgown type is a little over-the-top and you'd be better off in a simple gown?

Are you doing a regular ceremony? I feel like you could find a minister or whoever to acknowledge your legal marriage and use the ceremony as more of a blessing. I also feel like having 2 people on each side stand with you isn't too much.

Just make sure that you put on your invitations something about the unique situation. And be careful about registering for gifts. I'm not sure how that would work...

I'm curious as to how everything will work out and what you decide to do. Keep us posted! (And I second that to be careful what you post on other boards; people elsewhere get a little harsh!)

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_hello-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:bbf6f4f2-6df8-43dd-ba38-d2dd369b7d3ePost:a31eba8e-da8f-41ca-aa3a-34536b64a289">Hello Everyone!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Everyone! My name is Kimberly =) I was once a lurker and I've decided to unlurk myself! I'm actually already married...we eloped on September 22nd in Vegas! But now I'm actually trying to plan a wedding for January 28th 2012 at Arrowhead Lodge! It's definitely proving to be a...unique!!! experience! There's lots of discussions between my mom, my sister and myself about some of the etiquette of things...so it's been a little bumpy so far!! going to look at dresses next month! I've got a Maid of Honor (My sister), a Matron of Honor (one of my best friends) and a Bridesman (my other best friend!) my hubby has a Best Woman, and 2 groomsmen! Theme of the wedding is going to be snowflakes, with the colors being white, silver and blues! So...i guess that gives a good basis of what's going on so far!! I'm very glad to be here with everyone!!!! =) And any advice on the elopement and now wedding...would be appreciated!
Posted by Kimmerss2[/QUOTE]

I just re-read this (bored at work) and think it is even less of a good idea than the first time I read it.
You are "actually already married"... which means you actually already had a wedding (eloping is a wedding)... and you already have a hubby...

I would stick with the idea of having a reception to celebrate with your family and friends. You kind of missed the boat on your PPD when you decided to elope... sorry.

You can make the reception an awesome celebration with decor and other fun stuff, but the idea of calling it a wedding is
A. a lie
and
B. probably won't fly too well with anyone who knows you are already married (and if they don't know, then that's an even bigger problem).

Please reconsider your choice of wording... this could really go badly...

Kimmerss2 · January 2011

Wow..I'm not going to lie, I was very surprised by everyone's reactions! I never lied to any of our family or friends. Everyone knew right after we eloped that we well..eloped.

I was never one for traditions to begin with...but I feel like if I want to throw a "wedding" or whatever it needs to be called, I feel that it's my right to do. I have a friend who is offering to officiate it, and I haven't heard one negative thing from any of our family or friends about it. If anything they've been offering they're help in doing different aspect of it.

And on top of that, I feel like if anyone we're inviting has an issue than they don't need to come. Yes...I know we eloped but we had our reasons why we needed to do it. And yes...I mean needed. Yes...I am married but is there any reason that I can't put on a dress and feel special while my mom helps walk me down the aisle and my grandma gets to see me get "married"?

I guess I never realized that there were so many etiquette type things that would make it not okay for us. Everyone says that you only get your wedding once. And I don't think that needs to be true. (Especially for the people who get divorced multiple times.)

crystaldes1029 · January 2011

I am also already married and wanted to elope so kudos on that even though it was out of necessity!

I have a close friend who's SIL eloped because her DH is in the military and they threw a wedding when he got back. Many people referred to it as a Fwedding (fake wedding) she had a church ceremony, ball gown and WP the whole 9 yards. It is her and her families right to do as they wish obviously its their life but I personally thing its to much.

You are already married and made that choice whether forced or not. You really can't call it a ceremony since that part would be a lie since well you are already married. The ceremony part would be a renewal of vows. You can't re-marry the same person twice without a divorce. So I would be clear in that portion. Plus there typically isn't a WP for a renewal.

As for the reception plenty of people get the dress and have an awesome reception after eloping back home and since you haven't had one you can still consider it a wedding reception

Sorry so wordy! I agree with the other girls... the ceremony is technically a lie. Especially from a legal stand point.

DOn't get discouraged from planning a wedding at all just think extra how you execute everything.

emierose · January 2011

I'm sorry, I am going to sound harsh also, but you are not having a wedding, you infact, already had a wedding. Truly, it is illegal to be married twice (without a divorce inbetween) in the United States.
So, please first change your wording. This is a renewal of vows. I know someone calling hers a "ring exchange" bc they did not exchange any rings at their elopement although they are having a very small, simple ceremony, 6 months later in which she will wear an ivory sheath dress, no bridal party, followed by a fun reception!
I am also curious why you chose to elope in Vegas last year and are now planning what sounds like a large wedding (with 6 people in your WP!) for a year and a half later. This seems to tell me that you, or your family, feel like something was missed, or are having second thoughts about doing it the way you did, but the thing is that you can't have it both ways and expect to follow the rules of ettiquette, or even the law.
Suck it up, and accept the fact that you made your bed, so now you have to lie in it. Sure, your mother, whomever can walk you down the aisle at your vow renewal. But, you should expect to wear a simple non-white dress, (and tell the consultant when you shop this is a vow renewal so she can help you find an appropriate and not tacky selection). Ask your WP to serve as ushers or to say a reading instead of standing up with you, there should be no procession by other people as this is not a wedding ceremony, and if you pretend it is you are lying.
After this short simple ceremony, have a fun reception.
To have a ceremony 1.5 years after getting married and call it a wedding is completely ridiculous.

crystaldes1029 · January 2011

That was perfectly put Emie!

sweetpea0911 · January 2011

You already had a wedding. You can't have another one. You can renew your vows, but you don't get a mulligan. You chose to elope, and it's done now. Sorry 'bout that.

Don't ask anyone to stand up for you. A nice dress - yes, even a white or ivory one - would be appropriate, but no need for a full on princess ball gown. Having anyone walk you down the aisle could certainly be done, but as a guest, I would side-eye that, hard - you've been married for a year and a half, why is someone "giving you away"?

Wanting to have a party to celebrate your marriage is cool. But be honest about it, because that's all it is - a party in your honor (which in itself is tacky to throw for yourself). A reception is a thank you to guests for coming to your wedding, which they didn't do, because you eloped.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_hello-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:621Discussion:bbf6f4f2-6df8-43dd-ba38-d2dd369b7d3ePost:69188adf-4139-4d99-9a27-3f2e79a29314">Re: Hello Everyone!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow..I'm not going to lie, I was very surprised by everyone's reactions! I never lied to any of our family or friends. Everyone knew right after we eloped that we well..eloped. I was never one for traditions to begin with...but I feel like if I want to throw a "wedding" or whatever it needs to be called, I feel that it's my right to do. I have a friend who is offering to officiate it, and I haven't heard one negative thing from any of our family or friends about it. If anything they've been offering they're help in doing different aspect of it. And on top of that, I feel like if anyone we're inviting has an issue than they don't need to come. Yes...I know we eloped but we had our reasons why we needed to do it. And yes...I mean needed. Yes...I am married but is there any reason that I can't put on a dress and feel special while my mom helps walk me down the aisle and my grandma gets to see me get "married"? I guess I never realized that there were so many etiquette type things that would make it not okay for us. Everyone says that you only get your wedding once. And I don't think that needs to be true. (Especially for the people who get divorced multiple times.)
Posted by Kimmerss2[/QUOTE]

Translation: Is there any reason I can't put on a pretty princess dress and pretend like I am not married then have a big pretty pretend wedding... for real...

A. Sounds to me like you might have lied to your grandma about already being married. Speaking of grandma... if you are so concerned with having her watch you "get married" perhaps you should have invited her to the real wedding (elopement) you had before... or waited and had a big wedding when you were able to. Faking one later doesn't fix the fact that she missed out on the real deal.
B. Think about what you are saying. It really is ridiculous. Our advice may be harsh, but we are trying to be honest and show you how silly this is. You are married!! Woot Woot!!! Enjoy it! Most of the rest of us on this board are counting down the days until we can say that... you are trying to go back and re-do it. Why?? Just throw an awesome party or reception or whatever.
I don't know how many different people have to say it in how many different ways... you really only get one shot at your wedding day (unless, of course you get divorced and have a second one... which is also never as awesome as the first... ask anyone who has been re-married). You made your decision months ago. Live with it.

emierose · January 2011

word to the Monica. lol.

Kimmerss2 · January 2011

okay...I got everyone's opinions...and truthfully, I'm not going to listen. If anything I just won't call it a wedding. But that's pretty much it. I appreciate everyone's opinions. But I was really hoping to come to these boards and get ideas for different wedding options in the area and ideas for everything. But I see I was mistaken. Thanks though.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

Thanks em!!

From the OP: And any advice on the elopement and now wedding...would be appreciated!

Guess it wasn't appreciated... Some people only want the "Oh that's a great idea" kind of advice... but when 99% of the responses are saying bad idea... I would think that's a bad idea. I dunno.
Glad I'm not the only one who tried to warn...

crystaldes1029 · January 2011

Kim no one on this board will not give you advice if you seek it for any portion of your reception, but as you can see it is very apparent that we have an opinion on how you are going about the ceremony portion of your second walk down the aisle.

You must take this as constructive criticism from people who have been there and done that. Also, even though your family is supporting you in all of this which is fantastic seeing how they are #1 in your life some bystanders may see things the same way we do.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

Agreed, Crystal.
Had the post been "I am looking for venue/decoration/whatever ideas for my reception in January" blah blah... and not advice on a wedding after an elopement...
The set of responses would have been much different.

emierose · January 2011

yikes.. Kim, I am guessing you are very young and have a lot of growing up to do. Feel free to venture out into the bigger world of TK boards. You will be eaten alive, if you think we are being unfair, just wait until you hear things from people who don't censor their words. Like Monica said, you are married, rejoice! Why are you trying to have a do-over? You never quite answered that.. You chose to run off to the wedding capital of the world and have a wedding - so.. I can imagine you thought it was a good idea at the time. One woman, one man = one wedding, so I hope you choose to be tasteful in your vow renewal, GL.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_hello-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:bbf6f4f2-6df8-43dd-ba38-d2dd369b7d3ePost:69188adf-4139-4d99-9a27-3f2e79a29314">Re: Hello Everyone!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow..I'm not going to lie, I was very surprised by everyone's reactions! I never lied to any of our family or friends. Everyone knew right after we eloped that we well..eloped. I was never one for traditions to begin with...but I feel like if I want to throw a "wedding" or whatever it needs to be called, I feel that it's my right to do. I have a friend who is offering to officiate it, and I haven't heard one negative thing from any of our family or friends about it. If anything they've been offering they're help in doing different aspect of it. And on top of that, I feel like if anyone we're inviting has an issue than they don't need to come. Yes...I know we eloped but we had our reasons why we needed to do it. And yes...I mean needed. Yes...I am married but is there any reason that I can't put on a dress and feel special while my mom helps walk me down the aisle and my grandma gets to see me get "married"? I guess I never realized that there were so many etiquette type things that would make it not okay for us. Everyone says that you only get your wedding once. And I don't think that needs to be true. (Especially for the people who get divorced multiple times.)
Posted by Kimmerss2[/QUOTE]

Felt the need to point out that this is comlpetely asinine. People need to eat and need to sleep, etc... generally they decide to get married because they want to... you know, something about love and all that jazz.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

Amen!
I just LOVE when people "NEED" to get married for "insurance purposes" or "deployment money"... are you freaking kidding me?? Can we please degrade the meaning of marriage some more??
A 50% divorce rate just isn't high enough...

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

Lmao... not at all. "Statistic"

DondadaTimes2 · January 2011

Wow, so this is what I miss when I go to bed early! Geezems!

Im not gunna go through and give my POV b/c you have all already said it and theres no need for me to jump in and start sht up again (although I am veeery good at that!) but I agree that it is offensive to ask for advice then straight up say you dont care what we say. If you're looking for validation in what you want to do...TK is definitely not the place for you.

Kim, It'd be really nice to get to know you and to help you with any reception help that you need, but we're all pretty honest girls and thats what youre gunna get with us.

sbolger17 · January 2011

Hey, girls! Don't knock the insurance thing! I think that's legit; unfortunate, but legit. I didn't have proper health insurance for a long time and it's a really serious problem. So if there's a big medical problem and you're in a serious relationship and plan to get married at some point, I think it's okay to do it earlier to keep from going into lifelong debt. Now, with that said, I'm not doing this and luckily I have fantastic insurance at the moment, but I can see how that could be a reason. Don't blame marriage; blame the health insurance companies, the medical community, the government, etc.

OK, off my political platform now. :-)

And I do grant you that a wedding after a 1.5 year elopement is interesting, but people have their reasons. Just trying to play devil's advocate here b/c I feel bad for Kim. People are going to do what they're going to do.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_hello-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:bbf6f4f2-6df8-43dd-ba38-d2dd369b7d3ePost:5c3d1ae6-f746-473c-91ae-615733bcdf91">Re: Hello Everyone!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey, girls! Don't knock the insurance thing! I think that's legit; unfortunate, but legit. I didn't have proper health insurance for a long time and it's a really serious problem. So if there's a big medical problem and you're in a serious relationship and plan to get married at some point, I think it's okay to do it earlier to keep from going into lifelong debt. Now, with that said, I'm not doing this and luckily I have fantastic insurance at the moment, but I can see how that could be a reason. Don't blame marriage; blame the health insurance companies, the medical community, the government, etc. OK, off my political platform now. :-) And I do grant you that a wedding after a 1.5 year elopement is interesting, but people have their reasons. Just trying to play devil's advocate here b/c I feel bad for Kim. People are going to do what they're going to do.
Posted by sbolger17[/QUOTE]

Let me guess, everyone should just get it (health insurance) for free, right?

I don't think anyone at all was blaming marriage, but rather stating some people's blatant lack of respect for marriage by degarding it to something they enter into for reasons of convenience rather than love.
If we could keep random "blame the government" (and other off-topic political rants) to a minimum... that would be awesome, thanks. Politics brings out the ugly in people and I think that's a monster best kept behind closed doors.

Aside from the actual marriage (and divorce) laws, and marriage licenses, the government has very little (if anything at all) to do with weddings... let's keep it that way.

If two people love each other and are "planning to get married anyway" then they can (and should) get married... elope... whatever and be proud to be fabulously married. "We love each other, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and the time was right for us." That is perfectly understandable. But saying that "we did it because we had to" makes it sound like a chore or something they didn't really want to do, but got forced into. Which is sad... and a future statistic in the making.

As far as marrying for insurance... say you do, then your husband loses his job (and thus insurance) shortly after. Now what? You are stuck, married, when you didn't really want to be... and you again have no insurance. What do you do? Divorce the poor schmuck and move on to the next guy with good insurance.

"Needing" to get married for health insurance purposes is like "needing" to have a baby for tax deduction purposes. Ridiculous.

It is (or should be) all about the L-O-V-E.

sbolger17 · January 2011

Monica, I wasn't trying to go on a political rant; I'm sorry if you thought that's what it was. I was just trying to point out that everyone has a reason for what they do and some people might not understand other people's reasons.

I know that everyone is upset with Kim's reasoning, but she's going to have a wedding anyways, so I'd like to see her on this board with her comments and questions about her own process even though it may be different from ours.

mgietler76 · January 2011

Boy did I miss a lot these past few days! LOL

Kim - I would suggest going over to the Etiquette board and asking those lovely ladies for tips on how to go about planning a wedding after an elopement the proper way.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_hello-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:621Discussion:bbf6f4f2-6df8-43dd-ba38-d2dd369b7d3ePost:54f81dcf-7c8c-4313-8ad6-19c7e507ead9">Re: Hello Everyone!</a>:
[QUOTE]Boy did I miss a lot these past few days! LOL Kim - I would suggest going over to the Etiquette board and asking those lovely ladies for tips on how to go about planning a wedding after an elopement the proper way.
Posted by mgietler76[/QUOTE]

Lol... Meaghan... you crack me up. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

mgietler76 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_central-new-york_hello-everyone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:621Discussion:bbf6f4f2-6df8-43dd-ba38-d2dd369b7d3ePost:4f488e55-d4a8-4522-b8b6-da562397035c">Re: Hello Everyone!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hello Everyone! : Lol... Meaghan... you crack me up.
Posted by kevinandmonica2011[/QUOTE]

Just trying to help the girl out, you guys WERE kinda harsh LOL

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2011

Oh my... you are just the sweetest thing.
What a good little helper you are (and she sprinkles salt and pepper on the newb and prepares for roasting by the E board)

mgietler76 · January 2011

I don't think she has the cajoles (sp?) to post this over there LOL And to think I used to be an "E" reg.........

Hello Everyone!

Re: Hello Everyone!

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