For Those Of You Who Are Paying For Your Own Wedding

wdubin122 · June 2010

Is any body's fiancé annoyed about how much money you will be spending?

nybride10 · June 2010

we arent paying for our own wedding but we are paying for ALL of the vendors... G got really annoyed and I had to cut back cost on the flowers i want.. but i told him we cant cut everything...

Bat937 · June 2010

We didn't pay for our own wedding but did have a budget. Before we booked or bought anything we sat down and tried to estimate what we thought was reasonable for each item. Then when we started meeting with vendors and getting prices, we realized that some of the items had to be adjusted up but only to a # we were 100% completely ok with. (as were my parent's who were the ones paying).
All in all though we came in under budget.

Some of the items we adjusted - Photographer, this one my parent's actually bumped up because they wanted the professional parent albums included.
Flowers - I did not want to spend more than $25 per centerpiece. I realized that was impossible for any arrangement I liked so we ended up bumping that up to $40.

It is very important that you and you FI are on the same page on the budget. Figure out in total how much you are both willing to spend and then try to itemize it by item and IMO, you should never go into debt for a wedding, I know too many people who have started out their married life with some kind of loan or credit card debt related to the wedding and it's not good.

If we had to pay for it ourselves, we would have had a very different wedding,

wdubin122 · June 2010

We are not going into debt to pay for the wedding. We are paying cash. My budget is $25,000 and he would rather save the money than spend it on a wedding. The final decision is mine and I'm going to do it but it would be nice if he would be more okay with it. I've always wanted a nice wedding and this is very important to me. I just wish he could understand. It's not going to leave us broke and we will still have money in our savings. He just wants to save more.

Aprilfools2011 · June 2010

Me and my fiance are paying for our entire wedding. It is extremely stressful thinking about finding the money to pay for everything. So far my fiance has not complained but I haven't asked him to fork up any money just yet. Boys don't understand weddings, just breath and you guys will get through it.

mrsredmoose · June 2010

As for a FI being annoyed over $, that would prob be my role. We are spending what we are comfortable with, but a few times FI has tried to pull a platinum wedding (I knew I shouldn't have made him sit thru a DVR marathon!) We never actually set a budget, which may sound strange. We had a ballpark figure we were willing to spend and we've just about reached it, so now I'm playing the role of Mean Vetoer.

I hear what you're saying about wanting a nice wedding. I'm sure your FI does, too, but he may have a different defn of "nice" and if he's anything like my FI, he had no idea how much things cost. Right after we got engaged I created a spreadsheet with prices from different vendors filled in so from the beginning FI was schooled in how much wedding things cost. (Yes, that drove him crazy and got my plenty of eyerolls from family, but if it weren't for being financially literate we wouldn't be in the position to pay for our wedding on our own). That awareness on both of our parts has made things a lot easier.

I've caved (compromised) on a few things- like getting a band and our HM, but he agreed to nix the luxury limo (we are getting married on-site, so it is totally unnecessary), a helicopter transfer in St. Lucia (crazy man), bigger & better centerpieces and an extra hour on the reception. Yes, those things would have been wonderful, but they were by no means necessary to have and increase the "budget." We will still have a nice wedding without them.

Just keep talking with your FI about $. I sat down with FI every week in the beginning and updated our spreadsheet. It helped us both- he understood why I was being a meanie and I learned some things are more important than sticking to the plan. Do you know why he would rather save the $25K? Is it for a house or something specific? Perhaps if you both agree to save a certain amount during your first year of marriage, he will be more flexible.

kristinanddan · June 2010

No, he wasn't annoyed. I think it's important that you both agree on how much you want to spend around. We didn't have a definite budget, but said we wanted to stay around 25k. When all was said and done it was more like 30-32, but he knew what each vendor we booked cost.

wdubin122 · June 2010

We have a house and it is totally paid for. We are both in our mid 40's and we have some financial concerns about retirement. We will have some money saved but he feels we should put the 25K toward that instead of spending it on the wedding. I think you should try to prepare for retirement but I also think you only live once, life is short, we could all die tomorrow and this is really important to me. He'll go along with whatever I want to do but I wish he would just shut up about the money and be happy about the nice wedding I am planning.

mrsredmoose · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-hudson-valley_those-of-paying-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:113Discussion:84fb5019-7e01-4e70-a733-474ef0f32ac0Post:55aa80d8-6bb8-4a2d-9838-2ac955080229">Re: For Those Of You Who Are Paying For Your Own Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a house and it is totally paid for. We are both in our mid 40's and we have some financial concerns about retirement. We will have some money saved but he feels we should put the 25K toward that instead of spending it on the wedding. I think you should try to prepare for retirement but I also think you only live once, life is short, we could all die tomorrow and this is really important to me. He'll go along with whatever I want to do but I wish he would just shut up about the money and be happy about the nice wedding I am planning.
Posted by wdubin122[/QUOTE]

You're right- sometimes you gotta shut up and sometimes you have to insist. I had several crazy "save for retirement and children" instead of "have a big wedding" convo many times with my MOH and she helped me to loosen up (I'm a little neurotic with saving). I had to learn to shut up about the money sometimes and FI and I are both comfortable now. The key is really knowing you have the money and it will be okay. In all fairness, you will most likely receive some cash gifts- if you aren't already planning on doing so, maybe you can tell FI you will put the presents straight to retirement savings. FI agreed to to do this and I've been able to breather easier.

ssage · June 2010

I'm 37,. hubby is 46. We payed for our own wedding. He left it all up to me because I am the more frugal of the two...and if he had his way, we would have been married in 5 minutes and then a party.

wdubin122 · June 2010

Believe it or not I am the conservative one about money out of the two. I have to hold him back from spending usually. I just want to have this one splurge. I will tell him about the money we may receive as gifts as suggested and maybe he will relax a little bit about it.

Bat937 · June 2010

I think you should have a serious conversation and agree on a budget.
I guess to me, if you are making the committment to spend your lives together, then you spend your money together too and any money spent should be a joint decision.

I could never spend $25k on anything if I knew my husband wasn't 100% on board.

Jenni83 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-hudson-valley_those-of-paying-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:113Discussion:84fb5019-7e01-4e70-a733-474ef0f32ac0Post:2a7126d4-a251-4cd6-9768-c8a140eb42fb">Re: For Those Of You Who Are Paying For Your Own Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should have a serious conversation and agree on a budget. I guess to me, if you are making the committment to spend your lives together, then you spend your money together too and any money spent should be a joint decision. I could never spend $25k on anything if I knew my husband wasn't 100% on board.
Posted by Bat937[/QUOTE]

i agree 100 % that you and your FI should sit down togeather and make a budget so you are on the same page when it comes time to start putting down deposits and buying things.

Just Jen · June 2010

He wouldn't dare complain ;-)

But seriosuly, he never complained, because we did the wedding together.... We were always on the same page.

kristinanddan · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-hudson-valley_those-of-paying-own-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:113Discussion:84fb5019-7e01-4e70-a733-474ef0f32ac0Post:2a7126d4-a251-4cd6-9768-c8a140eb42fb">Re: For Those Of You Who Are Paying For Your Own Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should have a serious conversation and agree on a budget. I guess to me, if you are making the committment to spend your lives together, then you spend your money together too and any money spent should be a joint decision. I could never spend $25k on anything if I knew my husband wasn't 100% on board.
Posted by Bat937[/QUOTE]

I agree with this completely.
I also would never spend $25k on a wedding if I didn't have a large emergency fund and if my retirement wasn't being fully funded, but that's just me.

PrincessChocolate · June 2010

What venue did you get married at?

wdubin122 · June 2010

We spoke last night and he just asked me to keep it as close to 20K as possible so I agreed I would try to do that.

Crissyo · June 2010

I agree with alot that pp have said...but I will say this:

We spent a lot more than I anticipated spending on our wedding and I DO NOT regret it! For once in my life, the wedding was about me ( and him!). It was an amazing day and I will cherish every memory. I did not want to 'settle' and I didn't. That said, there were many things that weren't that important to me that we made a sincere effort to save on. For example, I did a lot of research and picked a limo company ( Royal Crown) who as much cheaper than Silver Star and they got the job done and the cars were gorgeous so I am glad I did that research. Also, we did not have fancy expensive favors...in fact we made a donation...and spent a good amount of money but not $10 per person which some have done. Also, I had a small bridal party...which really helps in the long run when you have to buy bp gifts and bouquets! Just some ideas to help save!

Shaye526 · June 2010

We are paying for the entire thing ourselves as well and my finace's been very good about it. He's not big into certain aspects like flowers and photog but he knows that I'm frugal and won't go overboard. We started seeing that the entire price was going to be more than we anticipated once we began looking at the guest list and average prices of venue.

We are both saving and plan on paying in cash for the Photog/DJ/Florist/Invites/Dress and the deposit on the venue.

We decided to take out a small loan to pay for the bulk of the venue and figure we should be able to pay the bulk of it back with what we get in monetary gifts. He has a very big and close family and they're not the type to buy us a set of fine china when they know we need a check, haha.

Of course honeymoon and wedding party gifts and such will probably be paid with cash/credit card.

We figure with the help of the loan to front a large sum of money we'll only end up paying for about half of the total cost but we'll see. Although it's overwhelming having to be responsible for it I'm ok with it because it means I don't have to worry about anyone putting their unwanted 2 cents in or holding money over my head. Not that I'd expect anyone from either side of the family to do so, but it just means I can have my wedding, my way with no pressure.

NIKIKRUISE · June 2010

Is anyone else (who is paying for their own wedding) freaking out at the thought of spending 20-25k for ONE DAY? I can't imagine how I'm going to be excited for the day knowing I will have spent that much...when that amount could have been put towards a house or paying of student loans...It just seems you can barely get away with having a decent wedding without spending that much.

TerriandJoe · June 2010

It's crazy to get married in this area. I think the 'average' wedding costs around
$30k. We spent $26k. AND we only had 100 people. AND got a great deal at our venue. The cost of the per-person amount AND the minimum required at your venue WILL take up a large portion of your budget. And after that your photographer is your next greatest expense. As everyone has said, make sure your fiance is on the same page with you when it comes to certain things. And make sure he knows what things cost. Go to a bridal show so you can get a feel for what vendors charge. Then meet with the few you really like. It will also help you get a better grasp on what is an average cost for different things.

Also, never spend more than you feel comfortable with. You probably will get gift money as presents, but never assume it will cover all that you spent.

GL!

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