What's Your Love Language?

iamjoesgurl · August 2011

I started to read Gary Chapman's book about the Five Love Languages and stopped before I finished. So I never did the quiz. But I have been thinking about this a lot lately and feel that I need to communicate my love language to DH.

I was wondering if you all know your love language. If you do, please share. Does your BF/FI/DH know your love language? Do you know his?

The languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

And if you don't even know yours, here is a quiz:
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

iamjoesgurl · August 2011

My primary love language is physical touch. Secondary are acts of service and quality time.

I have not discussed this with DH but intend to tonight. I might also ask him to take the quiz. I want to know his love language to make sure that I focus on that.

yodacub · August 2011

That's a good book, we read it a few months ago. My love language is quality time, the others were way behind that one. FI's are quality time and physical touch tied for primary, with words of affirmation not far behind. It seems to work well that both of us "understand" quality time

fpaemp2011 · August 2011

My primary is Physical Touch, followed very, very closely by Quality Time. Acts of Service is a pretty dang close third. Words of Affirmation and Gifts scored way low.

DH's primary is Quality Time, followed closely by Physical Touch. And then Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Gifts.

(I think being broke college students for 90% of our relationship helped with not putting much stock in gifts)

ElisabethJoanne · August 2011

I should read the book, because the way so many people who talk about it talk about it as though these categories invented by Chapman are ascertainable truths like blood types, and the book is the solution to all communication issues, really annoys me. But I don't want to rail too much against what I haven't read.

FWIW Quiz came back quality time and physical touch, but I wonder if my priorities won't change when we're living together.

FaithCaitlin · August 2011

My primary one is Quality Time followed closely by Words of Affirmation. FI and I read the book together and really enjoyed it. His is Words of Affirmation followed by Physical Touch and Quality Time!

agape1cor813 · August 2011

I am tied with Quality Time and Physical Touch. I think it's pretty accurate, a lot of the time when I'm stressed out before bed, having H run his hands through my hair helps me relax enough to fall asleep.

AshNoel8 · August 2011

We didn't read The Five Love Languages, but we are almost done reading Chapman's other book, Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married. There is a chapter in there that outlines The Five Love Languages. H and I talked that day for awhile about it and found that my primary Love Language is Quality Time and his is Acts of Service. It helps us so much to understand this! Before, he would go and paint a room or hang pictures and I would be very appreciative, but I didn't really think he was expressing his LOVE this way, just being a nice guy. He, on the other hand, thought this was the ultimate expression of how much he loves me. I also would complain we don't spend enough "quality time" together and he would say, "we just drove to my parents and back- that's quality time." We viewed these things differently. But now that we understand each other's primary love language, we have really been expressing our love better in a way the other appreciates. I am so happy we learned this about each other!

letyourselfgo · August 2011

For me: Acts of Service. Physical Touch was a close second.

kellya01 · August 2011

Our pastor actually had us do this quiz at the first p-m counseling session! DH and I learned a lot about each other. My DH's primary love language is (1) Words of Affirmation, followed by (5) Physical Touch. My primary love language is (2) Quality Time, followed by (5) Physical Touch.

BronwynH · August 2011

I got quality time followed by physical touch and acts of service. Gifts was zero...haha. I'm going to have FI take this to see what his are. I think I have a good idea, but it'll be interesting to see. I really want to read the book Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married. I'm going to get it sometime soon when I have the money to...haha.

kcadonau · August 2011

we've never read the book but mine are physical touch and quality time, and DH's are physical touch and words of affirmation, which has been kinda hard for me since i'm not good with words of affirmation, but i'm getting better

ochemjenn · August 2011

Mine is acts of service. I think quality time came in second, but it's been a year or so since we read the book.

DH's is words of affirmation followed by gifts.

azdancer8 · August 2011

When I read the book in high school, my top was words of affirmation followed closely by quality time. Physical touch was probably my lowest.

After DH and I started dating, they changed - Physical Touch is my #1. Then Quality Time, a tie for Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation, and lastly Gifts.

DH's #1 is Physical touch, and his bottom is Gifts, which makes us fit very well with each other!

AllyG303 · August 2011

our pastor did a sermon on this one weekend. FI decided that I'm all 5 love languages. FI's is Acts of Service.

and I was curious, so I took the quiz. I got 6 on all of them...

iamjoesgurl · August 2011

Ally - that's so cool. I was wondering what you meant by all but then I saw your scores and it makes sense.

DramaGeek · August 2011

Without taking the quiz, I am going to guess that I am equal parts receiving gifts and physical touch with a side dish of words of affirmation. Off to take the quiz to see if I'm right!

ElisabethJoanne · August 2011

Thanks, azdancer, for that experience about your language shifting.

DramaGeek · August 2011

Ok, I took it. I got an 11 (37%) for Physical Touch (not at all surprising) and 7s (23%) on both Receiving Gifts and Words of Affirmation. Interestingly, Acts of Service is nowhere on my radar - I got 0% on that!

lulubella2011 · August 2011

touch and words of affirmation

iamjoesgurl · August 2011

I had DH take the test. He is acts of service and gifts. He scored VERY low on physical touch. This is a problem. That is my highest. No wonder when I ask him to snuggle some nights, he just wants to go to sleep. Understanding this will help me a lot to deal with this difference.

Purple&7 · August 2011

I took the quiz and here are my results:
Words of Affirmation= 27%
Quality Time= 27%
Receiving Gifts= 20%
Acts of Service= 20%
Physical Touch= 7%

drama1308 · August 2011

My love language is quality time and FI's is physical touch. We both get whiny when the other person isn't speaking our language.

porky · August 2011

I loved The Five Love Languages. I am billingual - Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation.

Bett2012 · August 2011

FI and I are also reading the Things we wish we knew before we got married book that outlines these languages. He is physical touch followed by quality time.

I am quality time followed by gifts/tokens (especially cards!).

I think they will definitely change when we are married and live together - I can definitely see physical touch coming up with me, when we have more freedom:) And acts of services will probably creep up when we have a sink full of dishes and maybe (God willing) a crying, poopy baby:P haha.

DramaGeek · August 2011

H took it last night - he is Acts of Service primarily, followed by Words of Confirmation and Quality time tied in second. Gifts and Physical Touch were on the bottom - where I scored an 11 on Physical Touch, he scored a 1, and his Acts of Service was 11 where mine was 0! Explains a lot, truly.

mrandmrsbrist · August 2011

Just took the quiz...

My primary is Physical Touch and I'm pretty sure that's H's too. After that is Words of Affirmation, then Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service. Those two were equal with a 3.

If I had to guess H's, I'd say it was Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation and then Receiving Gifts.

katiebaka · August 2011

We talked about love languages in college once and I took a quiz then--I forget what my language was at the time, but I just took it and got quality time, with physical touch and receiving gifts as my secondary.

Just the other day FI was chuckling at the fact that I tell him I missed him pretty much every single day after work when we talk about our days...makes more sense now!

ragdoll127 · August 2011

I'd heard about this from a friend several months ago, before FI and I were engaged, and we talked about it. Going by guesstimation, we figured that mine is words of affirmation and his is physical touch. I adore hearing him tell me how much he loves me, and even when we're just driving he always reaches over to take my hand. After taking the quiz just now, I have confirmed that my primary is, in fact, words and my secondary is quality time. I'm going to send the quiz to him because now I'm curious...

Interestingly enough, we have also discovered that we both "speak" and "comprehend" different languages. For example, while what I long for most in our relationship are his words of affirmation, I have a lot of trouble with speaking those words myself. I'm just not good with words. I feel much more comfortable expressing my feelings with body language - an affectionate touch on the shoulder, back/neck rub when FI has had a long day, etc. He's exactly the opposite. He's an absolutely amazing wordsmith, and even though he seems to have this need to always be physically connected, he doesn't reach out for it very often, and certainly not in an attempt to express his own feelings for me.

Anyway, I just found it very interesting how our languages seem to fit together pretty well...

kalizoomba · August 2011

Mine is physical touch... however, I love it when FI gets me random little gifts for no reason, or writes me a quick letter or something else similar -- it lets me know he's been thinking about me while we were apart. He never gets me little gifts anymore, and I feel so sad that he doesn't think about me.

kipnus · August 2011

My FI and I are reading that book right now! We like to take turns reading it out loud to each other and we've had some really good discussions. We've also taken the quizzes, and luckily, we share a primary love language--physical touch! Gifts is also last on both of our lists. Quality time is second for me, and acts of service is second for him. Words of affirmation is third for both of us. Once we're done reading the book, we plan to go back and do some of the little exercises at the end of each of the love language chapters. It's definitely improved our relationship already, and it's like this extra little secret we have between us--"How's your love tank?"

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