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How do I tell my sister I don't want her in my party?

erbear84erbear84 member
500 Comments Third Anniversary
in Wedding Party
My sister is 17 years older than I am, but we were superclose when I was growing up.  After she left her husband (after five kids), she made choices I didn't agree with and we've grown apart.  She's had two more kids with her new boyfriend, and we've kind of rebuilt our relationship - although we're nowhere near where we used to be.  I want her two young daughters in my wedding - I have 10 nieces and nephews and by the time I get married all except for those two will be over 10 and I can't justify a million bridesmaids.  Long story short, she asked me the other day if she was going to be in my wedding.  I don't want to hurt her, but I know she 1. can't afford it and 2. I don't really want her in the wedding party.  How do I let her down gently?  She works at a hotel and caters weddings a lot and is really into weddings; would it be a good choice to ask her to help me plan the wedding?  
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Re: How do I tell my sister I don't want her in my party?

  • RaquelWatRaquelWat
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_tell-sister-dont-want-her-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:446a7873-2a31-443f-88bc-0507d0300985Post:acf529b4-8d81-4b5e-a725-794e27d6a0c2">Re: How do I tell my sister I don't want her in my party?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I tell my sister I don't want her in my party? : The point was that you don't ask  someone to help do work for your wedding. If they offer, great. But you have to wait for them to offer; you can't ask.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

    I disagree, I think you can ask them to help you plan a wedding. It sounds like our friend here has a very LARGE family. I have a large family too and her sister might be worried about being left out. I would tell her that the BMs have already been chosen and then change the subject to other ways that her sister can participate. Like helping to pick out flower girl dresses and stuff.
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