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African American Weddings

WWYD?

My step sister and i get along....as in we are cordial, but i really dont like her and she doesnt like me. (this is the one who told me she couldnt come to our engagement party in a thank you note). Anyway, she called my step mom and told her that she was invited to her daugters baptism but my father isnt, then reminded her a few weeks later he wasnt invited. this all started because my fatehr gave her husband the check when they went to lunch cuz her husband NEVER pays. This really pissed me off, my daddy has treated her lik a daughter but she couldnt handle the "realness" of his attitude when he would tell her about herself. (talk about putting my step mom in a awkward situation)

I feel offended that she told my father he couldnt go somewhere with his wife (she also told her mother he couldnt come to the hospital when her baby was born). i know she cant come to the wedding anyway but i was going to send an invite. at this point, i dont want to send her one at all. i dont even want to extend the courtesy. I feel as though my family NEVER has drama....and you come along and start all this mess. i feel like sending the message that since you wanna act stupid, i just wont fool with you at all.

what would you do? send it and be a nicer person, or shun her just like she did my father and our family? i want her to understand that im not ok with what she did and ive got nothing else to say to you. ive tolerated her spoiledness for years and now she is using her baby against my step mom, basically making her choose between her grandchild and her husband. thats not cool. FI doesnt think we should send her an invite, or if we do, only put her name on it and not include her husband so she knows how it feels.  I dont want to send one at all....i just dont want to put my step mom in another awkward situation.

I dont want to be petty....but I really dont want to be fake either.

Re: WWYD?

  • chels I think that your feelings are totally understandable, but I also think there's a time and a place.  I, me, oh sultry one, would invite my stepsister.  why?  glad you asked.  because a) my wedding is a one off occassion that has nothing to do with existing family drama.  it's 4 hours, she can pull it together enough to wish you well or politely decline.  and b) if the relationship as stinky as described above, she. won't. come.   

    As for the decision to exclude her husband if you do send an invitation - please do not do that, even in theory it is and sounds incredibly childish.  she already knows how you feel don't make the wedding your platform for continuing the nonsense, invite both of em or neither of em.  and yeah, i'm finger waggin. 

    keep us posted with what ya'll decide. 

  • I say don't use your wedding as a way to get even. This is you and your husband's day. Obviously there are issues, bitterness and resentment probably both of you have towards each other. So, I agree that you need to tell her how you feel but your wedding has nothing to do with it...ya know? She already told you she was not coming so don't send her an invite. And of course leave her husband out of it. Remember what the REAL ISSUE is and and leave you n your future hubby's wedding events out of it. Don't use that as a crutch, ya know. Last but certainly not least, pray or meditate on this and you will find the best answer for you. Cha
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  • Ima let the other sissys comment on this because i would say..Hell naw..dont send her nothing ! Sorry about that Im not saying another word .
  • Bongi and Cha hit it right on the nose!

    145 Invited image
    65 Cannot wait to party! image
    1 Saving me money! image
    80 Looking for the mailbox image
  • i KNOW the right thing to do is invite her and be the bigger and classier person and not do exactly what she did to my dad.

    fine...ill do it, but i want yall to know i wont like it and ill be s*it talking in my head the whole time. She isnt going to come anyway...its an out of town wedding and if she had to be bullied by my other sister to come to a local engagement party, i highly doubt she would come to the actual wedding in vegas

     I really like my step mom and dont want her to feel any worse about the situation than she probably already does. I think my step sister is expecting us not to send one because i honestly think she thinks of us all as n-word-ish (shes white and we are obviously not white so i think she assumes all black folks are the same....loud and obnoxious...did i tell you her husband told me i was ghetto sometimes when i have to check someone? like...dont play me like i was that lady on the bus in the uppercut video...we have polish in this family) Ill send it anyway just so she CANT ever say we are rude to her and keep her nonsense going. in the end, it will be her and only her who pulls these petty stunts over and over again

    with all that being said...if i can suck it up and deal with her for an entire day....she can suck it up and deal with my father for ONE HOUR at the church.....and....dont mess with my daddy :)


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wwyd-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:cf10201e-423d-4fdd-9491-c9a2160033d4Post:6397a93b-7df6-4d20-9916-be5aa93a62af">Re: WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bongi and Cha hit it right on the nose!
    Posted by TL25[/QUOTE]
  • samiyah to the front desk,  paging meems to the front desk, we need a trademarked S. Rasheed phrase here please.   you know the one.
  • Calm down Killa!!!! ( I forgot that one).. LOL!
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  • edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wwyd-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:cf10201e-423d-4fdd-9491-c9a2160033d4Post:0331b0fa-363f-4bd3-b243-28f4b1ff2e77">Re: WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Calm down Killa!!!! ( I forgot that one).. LOL!
    Posted by MissusD1116[/QUOTE]

    TELL HER WHAT SHE'S WON BOB!!!   love!!

    Chels, whatever you do, remember on your day that nobody enjoys a mean muggin bride.  those pics are forever.   lol!

    eta:  hi Neesh!  {waves}
  • I am so sorry to hear this. Agree with everyone to just invite her. Its more thanly you being the bigger person in the situation once again, but you will feel better that you offered again. Reject hurts but it leave the ball in their court and regret later in their hands. 
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  • smh yall are too much haha

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wwyd-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:cf10201e-423d-4fdd-9491-c9a2160033d4Post:75b7a620-912a-4b91-952c-006c36a1b8cd">Re: WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: WWYD? : TELL HER WHAT SHE'S WON BOB!!!   love!! Chels, whatever you do, remember on your day that nobody enjoys a mean muggin bride.  those pics are forever.   lol! eta:  hi Neesh!  {waves}
    Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]
  • Well since she's 'other' gon' head and listen to Angel, j/k j/k! IKill her with kindness! At the end of the day she's the one that looks like a fool for being a brat. You go on and play nice now, ya hear!
    Hey Sultry (waving back)!
    145 Invited image
    65 Cannot wait to party! image
    1 Saving me money! image
    80 Looking for the mailbox image
  • I am going to say.. yes you dont want to stoop to her level.. BUT AT THE SAME TIME.. THIS IS YOUR DAY.. and do you really want to bring that DRAMA to VEGAS.. you know how people get..

    Yes.. you can totally let her know that you are not being as childish as she is.. other ways.. You say she isnt going to come... but this is Vegas.. girl you know how people are.. they will show up just to show out...

    As sultry said.. these pics are FOREVER.. and you know as well as I do...THESE PICS ARENT CHEAP... neither is the wedding...

    dont try to save face.. just to prove something to someone that probably won't care anyway.. you know what I mean...

    Just think about it...

    If you need someone to take that seat in Vegas... you know me and Tasha are going to be going there anyway... Wink
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  • right! this is exactly how i feel....why should i be the one to go out of my way to play nice? My sister said to send her an invite just so she can be jealous of how nice mine are compared to hers LOL she needs to stop. Ill invite her anyway, just so my daddy can say "see....my kids know how to act, even tho they dont like someone, they bite the bullet anyway and invite them so woman who isnt even their mother isnt in any way uncomfortable...yet you cant do the same for your own mom? shame shame"


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wwyd-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:cf10201e-423d-4fdd-9491-c9a2160033d4Post:02794e25-f26e-4e84-a914-34331ddad813">Re: WWYD?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am going to say.. yes you dont want to stoop to her level.. BUT AT THE SAME TIME.. THIS IS YOUR DAY.. and do you really want to bring that DRAMA to VEGAS.. you know how people get.. Yes.. you can totally let her know that you are not being as childish as she is.. other ways.. You say she isnt going to come... but this is Vegas.. girl you know how people are.. they will show up just to show out... As sultry said.. these pics are FOREVER.. and you know as well as I do...THESE PICS ARENT CHEAP... neither is the wedding... dont try to save face.. just to prove something to someone that probably won't care anyway.. you know what I mean... Just think about it... If you need someone to take that seat in Vegas... you know me and Tasha are going to be going there anyway...
    Posted by nursing2u[/QUOTE]
  • just know that if she comes... remember the reason why she would be sitting there in the front row...
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