His name or mine?

siwhitt · January 2012

My FI and I work great together and have little problem making decisions together, except for the this one post wedding dilemma;

His last name is Nixon and we will be living in DC. He never knew the father who gave him this last name and it is not his mothers. I was hoping he would either take my last name or we could choose one we both liked that would not have negative connotations in DC. He was recently talked into not wanting to change his last name by some friends teasing him about it and now I don't know what to do or think about it.

Any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks!

melb2013 · January 2012

Plenty of people have Nixon as a last name and I never think of the political conotations... I guess I don't see the problem.

I really don't see why either of you have to change your names. How you were born with the last name is irrelevant- the point is that you both identify yourself by the names you were born with. There really isn't any reason why either of you need to change it.

That's just my opinion.

siwhitt · January 2012

My concern is when we have kids. What last name will they have? and the other parent having a different name is always akward.

tldh · January 2012

If you work in government, honestly, the name Nixon might help you out actually. Richard Nixon became an elder statesman of this country in his later years.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_his-name-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c835ecd6-7f50-4d7f-9fd2-39dccbb0ce08Post:2ff5ff98-2b43-4abf-a7c1-d04e6f6a3cb1">Re: His name or mine?</a>:
[QUOTE]My concern is when we have kids. What last name will they have? and the other parent having a different name is always akward.
Posted by siwhitt[/QUOTE]

Meh. I didn't change my name after we were married. My husband and I discussed that kids will have his last name. Socially, I go by his last name but legally I never would.

I really see no issue when it comes to kids. If the teacher calls me Mrs. HisLastName, I'll happily respond because that is one of my names. If the school calls and asks for "Mrs. HisLastName," my coworkers would know exactly who they were looking for.

littleluckypenny · January 2012

Not having the same last name is not a big deal. The kids can go by his last name if you want, it doesn't change you as their mother, and it doesn't change the fact that you are married. As far as Nixon, no one cares that you have the same last name as a former President. Like PP said, unless his name is Richard Nixon II, people won't care.

ElleB87 · January 2012

Queen Elizabeth didn't change her last name and her kids took her last name (and subsequently so did her grandkids). Your hypothetical kids could take his last name, your last name or you could hyphenate them. If your FI doesn't want to change his name that's his choice, just like it's your choice whether you change your name. Respect his decision.

gananoque · January 2012

it's absolutely not awkward for kids to have a different last name from one of their parents. i guess in some circles, where all women automatically change their names, it's unusual, but in lots of places, it's totally normal. when i see a child has a different last name from a parent i just assume the parent didn't change their name when they got married... which is a totally acceptable choice to make. and as every year goes by, it becomes more and more commonplace.

melb2013 · January 2012

My mother didn't change her name. I have my father's last name and it was never an issue growing up. I'm not taking my FI's name. I don't mind be socially referred to by his name or having our children have his last name, but I identify myself both personally and professionaly by my last name.

MyNameIsNot · January 2012

The kids can have his name, your name, a hypenated name, or some other name. It will be fine.

This is his name, his decision. Leave it alone.

blush64 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_his-name-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:c835ecd6-7f50-4d7f-9fd2-39dccbb0ce08Post:2ff5ff98-2b43-4abf-a7c1-d04e6f6a3cb1">Re: His name or mine?</a>:
[QUOTE]My concern is when we have kids. What last name will they have? <strong>and the other parent having a different name is always akward.
</strong>Posted by siwhitt[/QUOTE]

This is only one opinion.

As PP said, you have options.

siwhitt · January 2012

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and opinions, it has really helped me think about it!

I would like to state that I would never force him into anything, I just was trying to make sure I considered all my options.

Thanks!

pgcp · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_his-name-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:c835ecd6-7f50-4d7f-9fd2-39dccbb0ce08Post:2ff5ff98-2b43-4abf-a7c1-d04e6f6a3cb1">Re: His name or mine?</a>:
[QUOTE]My concern is when we have kids. What last name will they have? and the other parent having a different name is always akward.
Posted by siwhitt[/QUOTE]
no it"s not.

APherber418 · January 2012

I agree that you shouldn't be concerned about you and your children having different last names, this is very common. I would make sure that your FI thinks this decision through well and not choose to do something because his friends don't agree with it. I.M.H.O a man changing his last name doesn't make him any less of a man. My FI and I are both changing our last names to Pherber which we made up from the last letters of each of our names. I would approach the subject another time with him and explain how you feel about the children situation and see if maybe you can combine you last names or something like that.

His name or mine?

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