Dry wedding

jcrmc · August 2012

How do I respond to people who complain that I am having a dry wedding? So far only one person has complained to my face, but has done so very whine-y.

Our reasons for dry wedding are:

1. We don't drink (FI not at all, myself maybe a half glass at Xmas)
2. The majority of our friends don't drink
3. Those friends who *do* drink, don't care if they drink or not at a wedding
4. It will cost $100 for the liquor license alone (it is a semi-public, outdoor venue) (also we would still need the license to even have just a few bottles for toasts)
5. Cash bar to us seems a little rude
6. No WAY we can afford to provide alcohol for everyone (only ~60ppl but still...)

Girlie1030 · August 2012

I hope that's the only complaint you get (which was incredibly rude BTW). I'd simply smile and reply "We hope to see you there anyway." and then change the subject. You don't have to apologize for having a dry wedding.

lyndausvi · August 2012

Dry weddings are fine. Just ignore those people who are complaining. When it's time for their wedding they can provide whatever they want.

SunriseAmber · August 2012

If your friends don't care if they drink or not at a wedding then who would you need to explain your reasons for a dry bar to?

If it's your family then you should be able to be open with them. If it's someone outside your circle then you don't owe any one an explaination.

Cortney1982 · August 2012

I was in a similar situation, we would of had to get insurance and a licensed server. Just not worth the trouble or cost for a small wedding. If anybody thought the need to complain I would say nothing other than WE ARE UNABLE TO PROVIDE IT. If they need to get their drink on that bad at a wedding, they have problems.

Carson386 · August 2012

I'm having a dry reception. We have had plenty of people complain. I just change the subject most of the time. I think that a lot of people don't understand the costs of everything to have an open bar with alcohol, they just think you have to pay for drinks. They don't think about paying for the license, the bartender, any insurance costs. Honestly, you don't have to explain it to anyone, it is your decision. If your wedding guests are that desperate to drink, they can go out to a bar after the reception.

marycs · August 2012

I think it's improper in some families/cultures/circles to have a dry wedding, so I wouldn't accuse people who complain about them to have problems. I know in my family, the whole, "Well I don't drink so none of my guests have to either" would definately NOT fly. They are still very rude though for whining to you about it though, don't get me wrong.

If they are genuinely concerned and polite and a major family member, then listen to what they have to say about it, and then give your reasons (I wouldn't list you and your fiance not drinking as reasons, though) just mention the cost and size of the wedding. Maybe consider just one bottle of wine per table or something, as a compromise.

If they are rude, just follow NYUgirl's advice and try to make a light joke of it! It is your wedding and they should find some way to enjoy it without free drinks. If they are still rude, then vent about it! LoL.

HeidiWard04 · August 2012

My fiance is a recovering alcoholic, as are people in our wedding party, and some of the folks attending. We decided very early on that we were going to have a dry wedding. While your reception is a party and celebration for the folks who love you, it is also about what you want your wedding to be. If folks can't support you in having a dry wedding, or insist on being snarky, that's their issue. There's NOTHING wrong with it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2012

Try not to tell people.

Seriously.

I once went to a dry wedding. Neither the bride nor the groom, nor the groom's family drank for religious reasons, which was reason enough not to have alcohol, IMO. Most of the friends of the couple also were not big drinkers, and the bride had had bad experiences with alcoholism in her family. So I was like 80% sure it would be a dry wedding before I got there. (Surprised my husband, though! Lol.) It was a traditional, evening reception with a full meal. They did not anounce beforehand that it would be dry, and I think that's the right choice. Don't tell people what you're NOT having. Like, "Hey, just so you know? We're not having an ice sculpture. Also? No chocolate-covered strawberries."

I had a vegetarian wedding and keeping that on the down low was also the right idea.

marycs · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:198c20b4-ba83-40cd-9141-913589fc3e9fPost:e0faca74-2b34-4cf5-825c-582b97ad660d">Re: Dry wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Try not to tell people. :) Seriously. I once went to a dry wedding. Neither the bride nor the groom, nor the groom's family drank for religious reasons, which was reason enough not to have alcohol, IMO. Most of the friends of the couple also were not big drinkers, and the bride had had bad experiences with alcoholism in her family. So I was like 80% sure it would be a dry wedding before I got there. (Surprised my husband, though! Lol.) It was a traditional, evening reception with a full meal. They did not anounce beforehand that it would be dry, and I think that's the right choice. Don't tell people what you're NOT having. Like, "Hey, just so you know? We're not having an ice sculpture. Also? No chocolate-covered strawberries." I had a vegetarian wedding and keeping that on the down low was also the right idea.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>That's a really good point to make too. Depending on your reasoning and if the people complaining are actually involved in the planning process, I think all of these responses are good advice!</div>

OwningAHome1981 · August 2012

This might be a regional thing but dry weddings are definitely not ok where I'm from. The reception is not for you it's a party to thank your guests. You need to take into consideration what others might want, it doesn't matter if you drink or not. You don't have to do a full open bar but you should host at least something for those who might want even if you just did wine and beer. I feel that is better than nothing at all. for the record, sorry if this is rude but I would complain about a dry wedding too

funandfreckles · August 2012

I'd rather pay for booze than it not be offered at all...

Carson386 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:198c20b4-ba83-40cd-9141-913589fc3e9fPost:47ad40e0-8d10-460d-9114-9488ac9ad710">Re:Dry wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]This might be a regional thing but dry weddings are definitely not ok where I'm from. The reception is not for you it's a party to thank your guests. You need to take into consideration what others might want, it doesn't matter if you drink or not. You don't have to do a full open bar but you should host at least something for those who might want even if you just did wine and beer. I feel that is better than nothing at all. for the record, sorry if this is rude but I would complain about a dry wedding too
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Do you understand that some people are on a tight budget and can't afford to pay for the alcohol? It's not cheap after you buy all the alcohol, pay the bartender, get a license and get insurance. Other people may have a religion that does not allow them to drink. Or, maybe the bride and groom don't want alcohol there for a personal reason. We aren't having it because 1- I can't afford it, 2- Most of my dad's family are heavy drinkers and get violent when they drink ( I refuse to be responsible for that), and 3- if you can't not drink at a wedding taking place at 11am you probably shouldn't even come because you have bigger issues.
Long story short- don't judge people for having a dry wedding, it's their choice and if you don't like it, don't go!

rachelm13 · August 2012

I think at the end of the day as long as she isn't asking for a cash bar, it's all good.

I am from the same region as OwningAHome and yes a dry wedding would be quite rare, but, given all the backstory/details IMO it's totally fine.

What matters is that they have all the people who they love and who love them, there on that day.

Alcohol is traditionally viewed as celebratory and if people want to toast afterwards at a bar or whatever, then, fine.

One note though, one dry wedding I went to in AZ, (I live in NYC) I found out that if people really want to drink they can get creative. While FI and I were respectful and not drinking... there were flasks and alcohol in people's cars.

Good Luck!!!!

funandfreckles · August 2012

FWIW, when it's religious reasons, most people will know in advance and be understanding. We went to a dry wedding last fall...I knew the bride and groom and their families were VERY religious. We knew it was going to be a long, religious ceremony and a dry reception. They did, however, have champagne available for the toasts (one glass per person who wanted it).

I knew going in that it was a religious issue, not a cost issue.

DDivi557 · August 2012

I'm totally having a dry wedding. To me if you need to get drunk and start a riot, go to the bar, not my reception. Glad I'm not the only one that is getting complaints about such a simple thing.

KatWAG · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:198c20b4-ba83-40cd-9141-913589fc3e9fPost:aabf0e82-a3e2-45f2-ac01-c75549022f96">Re: Dry wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm totally having a dry wedding. <strong>To me if you need to get drunk and start a riot, go to the bar, not my reception.</strong> Glad I'm not the only one that is getting complaints about such a simple thing.
Posted by DDivi557[/QUOTE]

drinking =/= riots

rachelm13 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:198c20b4-ba83-40cd-9141-913589fc3e9fPost:20706e8b-1120-44f4-bd3c-7f5b3e314f05">Re: Dry wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dry wedding : <strong>drinking =/= riots
</strong>Posted by KatWAG[/QUOTE]

100% Agreed.

smartlypretty · August 2012

A dry wedding would be uncommon in my area. Can you bring your own alcohol? If so, I'd just get a keg of beer and a few cases of wine.

[Deleted User] · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:198c20b4-ba83-40cd-9141-913589fc3e9fPost:aabf0e82-a3e2-45f2-ac01-c75549022f96">Re: Dry wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm totally having a dry wedding.<strong> To me if you need to get drunk and start a riot, go to the bar, not my reception.</strong> Glad I'm not the only one that is getting complaints about such a simple thing.
Posted by DDivi557[/QUOTE]

To the bolded, huh?

As for the dry wedding thing. You are obviously getting complaints which tells me that this is not normal in your circle of friends (people would look at me like I had 3 heads if I had a dry wedding). But regardless, own your decision. Don't tell people and if they find out, then say what someone else above said, "sorry you feel that way and we hope to see you at the wedding."

The one experience I've had with dry weddings is that they end earlier than weddings with booze. The one I went to a couple years ago ended pretty much after dinner. They had dancing, but everyone went to the bar to riot...errr....I mean drink.

arendiva · August 2012

It's totally fine to have a dry wedding reception. Different people have different budget priorities. Just know that booze is a social lubricant and that without it there will likely be less dancing, less mingling, and more guests leaving the reception early.

OwningAHome1981 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:198c20b4-ba83-40cd-9141-913589fc3e9fPost:2e9ed9f5-97ce-44dc-bc22-dbf7bca8f4eb">Re:Dry wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Dry wedding : Do you understand that some people are on a tight budget and can't afford to pay for the alcohol? It's not cheap after you buy all the alcohol, pay the bartender, get a license and get insurance. Other people may have a religion that does not allow them to drink. Or, maybe the bride and groom don't want alcohol there for a personal reason. We aren't having it because 1- I can't afford it, 2- Most of my dad's family are heavy drinkers and get violent when they drink ( I refuse to be responsible for that), and 3- if you can't not drink at a wedding taking place at 11am you probably shouldn't even come because you have bigger issues. Long story short- don't judge people for having a dry wedding, it's their choice and if you don't like it, don't go!
Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]

Granted but i would imagine dry weddings would be more common upstate. If anyone had a dry wedding on Long island, people would look at them like they had 2 heads, not come or be completely miserable. The reality of it is that alcohol is connotative with celebrations.

Can't afford it, fine, but no one says you need to have a full bar. Just do beers then. Serve SOMETHING. It's the right thing to do, IMO.

Not judging, just saying, prepare to hear complaints. If you don't mind, great. If you don't want to people complaining, I would provide something for them to drink.

My 2 cents.

jcrmc · August 2012

FYI the person complaining is my sister, aka MOH. I'm not talking anything wedding with her right now, as she has made other rude comments about my wedding and weddings in general. She's making a big deal out of it because w/o alcohol she and her hubby have a hard time dealing with my mother and *her* FI. It's not like my mom is going to be talking to my sister the whole time...she and my cousins get along awesomely, and they love having b!tch sessions about their respective parents/aunts. Plus there will be lots of other people to chill out with.

I haven't told my other invites (except obv. my momma) that it's dry. I don't feel the need to. The only reason my sister knows about it is that she brought it up...we were FB chatting and I jokingly told her I was gonna make her wear seafoam green taffeta with poofy sleeves and a bustle...her response was "As long as you have wine, I'll wear whatever...please no dry wedding!"

Bleh. I'm over it. 99% sure not a single other person who will attend will say anything about it.

Dry wedding

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