Okay...need some feedback on this.

Starfish0116 · February 2012

So FI told me the other day that his mother wants to have a "rememberance table". Basically a table decorated with photos of loved ones who have passed. Meanwhile, I'm thinking, really? I don't know, I just think it's a "downer" on the day. I miss my grandparents as much as the next person but I don't feel the need to put their picture up at the reception. Can't we just put a nice poem on the wedding program with their names?

Both my great grandparents, and a grandfather have passed. FI has a TON of deceased relatives. I figure, where do we draw the line? I don't want a table with 20+ pictures of deceased relatives.

I certainly don't want to sound cold hearted. I don't know, I've just NEVER seen anything like this at a wedding.

Thoughts? Should I just give in and let them do it? FWIW, I've let FI have most of the wedding decisions. I've really only gone to bat for a few things.

BMcLeodTeam · February 2012

The only visable memorial we're having is that there are going to be candles lit off to the side of the ceremony for our fathers, but we're not doing a 'ceremonial' lighting, and they aren't somewhere that everyone has to see them. We want to honour them and have them 'there' without turning it into a memorial service. I will carry a locket in my bouquet of my father, and FI will have a locket of his father pinned inside his jacket.

smartlypretty · February 2012

Okay, I've got a better idea cause yeah, it seems kinda depressing the way your FMIL put it.

On four weddings (sorry! can't help it!), one bride had a table with wedding photos of relatives that were specal in her life. Kind of a "here's what a great marriage looked like" table. It had relatives that were both alive and healthy and ones that had passed. Maybe you could do that? And that way you could mix in the wedding photos of relatives that have passed.

smartlypretty · February 2012

Oh, and she had tags on some of them with how long they had been together. For example, my grandparents were married for 60 years before my poppop passed.

morenachica110 · February 2012

We might have a few family photos on our guestbook table. A lot of FI's family has passed (one aunt to cancer that he was close to and he only has one surviving grandmother) and my great aunt died last year that I was close to. We are planning on doing family photos with living and eceased just as a way of recognizing family and our ancestors. Do you think something like that would work?

Starfish0116 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_okayneed-feedback-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:128628ba-400f-4f74-8bb7-020df35ac9aePost:117c59b7-56c0-4757-989e-5d3f94d6a531">Re: Okay...need some feedback on this.</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, and she had tags on some of them with how long they had been together. For example, my grandparents were married for 60 years before my poppop passed.
Posted by smartlypretty[/QUOTE]

<div>I like that idea, but very few of our relatives are still married...lol. Pretty much everyone is divorced/remarried. </div><div>
</div><div>I</div>

Starfish0116 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_okayneed-feedback-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:128628ba-400f-4f74-8bb7-020df35ac9aePost:395d82ba-ff53-4ef6-aad3-6296faf16ce9">Re: Okay...need some feedback on this.</a>:
[QUOTE]We might have a few family photos on our guestbook table. A lot of FI's family has passed (one aunt to cancer that he was close to and he only has one surviving grandmother) and my great aunt died last year that I was close to. We are planning on doing family photos with living and eceased just as a way of recognizing family and our ancestors. Do you think something like that would work?
Posted by morenachica110[/QUOTE]

<div>Good suggestion. This could work. I was really trying to figure out where we'd put it. We're already having a large (300+ people) wedding. That's A LOT of tables, plus buffet tables and a cake table, etc.</div>

DeadUtopia · February 2012

I will admit, I'm going to have pictures and a candle on our sign in table, but there's only going to be 2 pictures of our immediate family that have passed (my parents and his sister.) I think that putting pics of grandparents and other family members (enough to fill a table of deceased realtives) might be a little much. How about just having the section mentioning them in the program and a memorial candle lit where guests can see it?

Ours looks like this:
http://www.annsbridalbargains.com/Plan-Your-Wedding-Ceremony/Wedding-Memorial-Candles-Vases--Frames/2656-AWMC888-Memory-Glass-Cylinder.pro

(but I think I'm going to fill it with water and a floating candle)

SCogs18 · February 2012

Having a table full of pictures of decesed loved ones seems a little morbid/too much like a funeral to me. I would just put a "in loving memory..." section in your program in you are having one. If not, perhaps just images with your parents/grandparents who are unable to be there on the sign in table.

We are considering having pictures of all our grandparents on our guest book table (some of them are still living and none of them ever divorced) to represent true love and happiness, not loss. We'd include our parents wedding photos, but my parents eloped to Hawaii and don't have photos from their wedding and his parents are divorced.

AVBarto · February 2012

For our "remembrance" part of the wedding we are doing one of two things. Invite everyone out on the patio to light sparklers in remembrance of the ones who can't be here today or paper lanterns. It's a fun and loving way to do it I think.

mamameech · February 2012

I know for us, we'd need to rent more tables for that; sadly enough

We will have a memorial candle with little candles around it, but that will serve it's purpose nicely without being too "sad". Especially seeing as candles are a big part of our decor.

Having their names officially written down might cause some ruffled feathers in case a name was forgotten or a name of one of their loved ones wasn't mentioned. I think something that acknowledges the group might be a safer option.

jessa1228 · February 2012

Would this table be displayed at the ceremony, reception, or both? I wouldn't like it at the ceremony. I'd prefer something like a rememberance candle or a note in the program. If it's at the reception I think a table with pictures is ok. Maybe you could put them on the same table as the place cards?

ekk120 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_okayneed-feedback-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:128628ba-400f-4f74-8bb7-020df35ac9aePost:0ff3cc44-3500-4d5a-964e-4be65580c672">Re: Okay...need some feedback on this.</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I've got a better idea cause yeah, it seems kinda depressing the way your FMIL put it. On four weddings (sorry! can't help it!), one bride had a table with wedding photos of relatives that were specal in her life. Kind of a "here's what a great marriage looked like" table. It had relatives that were both alive and healthy and ones that had passed. Maybe you could do that? And that way you could mix in the wedding photos of relatives that have passed.
Posted by smartlypretty[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This! We are also doing this. Most of the people in the pictures (our parents and all 4 sets of grandparents) are still alive, but I figured its a good way to have my grandparents there (3 out of 4 are deceased, my other grandmother is too sick to attend our wedding) without it being somber. Its more of a celebration of their love.</div>

wineo929 · February 2012

I'm agreeng with PP on this one. The table of all deceased relatives seems a bit much but I think it would be great to remember them through some of the awesome suggestions that were posted.

BMcLeodTeam · February 2012

Here's our memorial candles, its pretty clear who they are for lol

Starfish0116 · February 2012

Thanks all. I'm really going to try and go to bat for some sort of way to do it without having a table of pictures. I don't know, I just think it's tacky. There have only been a couple things I've gone to bat for with this wedding, but this might have to be one of them. I'm toally okay with putting a nice "join us as we remember xxxx...." on the back of the program.

We're having an outdoor ceremony, so candles are out. I Just can't get past having a table at the reception with pictures on it of our deceased relatives. I have no clue what FMIL is thinking. I feel like it would be a waste of space, since the odds are no one is going to even bother stopping to look at it.

likeadeadstar · February 2012

A whole table definitely seems like a lot; good luck as you go to bat! I think she means well, so tread gently and perhaps even say that "other brides I chat with are doing X and Y and Z..." to give her the gentle impression that this is not the way to do it, BUT there are lots of ways that work.

In our case, we only have one: my Poppy. He passed in 2008 and was extremely close to me (I would have wanted him and my father both escorting me if he were still here). In addition to mentioning him in the program, I'm wrapping his watch around my bouquet (Alice In Wonderland theme works well for this!) and also creating a little memorial piece for display: florals in an old Twinings tea tin. On theme, but he also loved their tea, and it's the only one of its kind. Family and close friends will know exactly why it's there, but to other guests, it will just be a nice display on the guest book table.

Okay...need some feedback on this.

Re: Okay...need some feedback on this.

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