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Moms and Maids

So glad miles seprate us today

Just venting. So the for the last 2 months my family have been more than patient and understanding and I  biting my tounge at times, but today I almost came out of the box.
 
When this all started I was miffed a bit over the arrangents of DD FI family, got over it. So I thought. This is a DW for both sides fo the family. I had asked DD 6 weeks ago along with other of my family members asking her to see about room rates and blockng rooms. We were originaly told they would get us answers the next week. They didn't have the time, ok no biggie, weeks went by. I suggested DD to assign that duty to someone else she said no she will do it. They went on vacation for 4 days as well. So we waited again, for another week then 2 weeks, she also e-mailed family several times stating when she or the FI was going to get rates. So, again family was patient. My sister found this one place she was very interested in, but was waiting for DD's answer as DD said via e-mail to her. I also have my parents who are 71 & 72 driving 1200 miles because the dr. said no to a plane. I will also add this is a small town with only 2 motels/hotels and 1 B & B.

Earlier today, DD called me and said she wasn't going to do OOT welcome bags, that they will get what all others get, because of the expense she didn't want to do it. I told her I would pay for them and the contents, and I how I felt they realy needed to be done, she said no, we had a little riff over the phone while I was at work, because she called me there to tell me this! So I decided I would get them made up for my side of the family when I got there. All day I was so upset over the attitude she dispalyed, like oh well they don;t have to come! excuse me? what?? They already have the plane tickets car rentals reserved all of it. Just waiting to hear back on hotels.

to top it off this was what was next:

Now 5 weeks to go, still nothing on hotels. So after work today, I took the bull by the horn spent 4 hours and made all the calls. Here the place my sister had her heart set on was all booked. By guess who? Yes, his family! The ones who don't have a free place to stay. I am so beside myself. We have a very small family his is huge. I found out one of his buddies got the info for his family and DD knew this happened. We are now stuck with the cheap yucky motel.

Then I find out DD & FI paid for 2 of the bridesmaid dresses, I feel if they paid for 2 they should have offered the same to the other 5! The 2 they bought the dresses for are local. She also has my 2 neices in her BP that have to buy the plane ticket hotels and car rental. I had no problem with that initionaly because they knew that  was one thier dime when they accepted this role, both college students. Well until I found out about the 2 dresses they paid for for others. I flipped! DD MOH told me that tonight.

There were other things but not major and those don't bother me but these 2 things just bugg the heck out of me.

My family has done nothing but love my DD and helped her tremendously in alot of areas, and I just feel that this is way wrong for her to turn her back and accomidate FI family and 2 of her BM.

I have kept myself in check and daughter has done so as well but things are adding up and I don't like what it equals to. Any suggestions, am I wrong to feel this way?

I have refused to pick the phone up when she called a few times tonight. I just can not talk to her for fear I realy may say someting I shouldn't.

Re: So glad miles seprate us today

  • edited December 2011
    I think it's a good idea for you not to take those phone calls until you have calmed down. Sometimes, things get said in anger and they can't be unsaid. Have a glass of wine and a good cry. Most of us who have raised children to adulthood have felt unappreciated at one time or another.

    The welcome bags are not such a big deal. I know you hoped that your daughter would make some sort of gesture to acknowledge that her family has gone through a lot of trouble and expense to attend her wedding. Give her a chance to express that in her own way. Goody bags are not worth arguing about.

    As far as the bm dresses go, there may be circumstances that you don't know about. Maybe the 2 bms told her they couldn't afford them. That information should have been kept confidential, to avoid hurt feelings. You have to let go of that one.

    The hotel accommodations are the main concern and your daughter's attitude that her family doesn't have to come. I hope she is speaking from stress rather than callousness. I have a feeling she knows she has screwed up royally. Give her a chance to make it right.

    From one MOB to another, just hang in there. It will work out. Get some sleep and start with a clear head tomorrow. T&P and a hug for you.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    I feel alot of it should have been kept confidential honestly. It's not just my family traveling miles, his family is traveling the same miles as well.

    I may add it was his mother's thiing about the OOT bags.When we (FI mom and I) first met about 6 weeks ago( I met her b4 I met her son, which was great in all honesty) she handed me this welcome page she received at another wedding, and wanted me to give it to DD when I went down there for ideas for the OOT bags. I went tdown there to get things rolling by DD request. I never knew they exsisted. Undecided until then. I will be making my 4th and final trip a week and a half before she gets married. Hind sight I should have handed it back to her and have her give it to her in 2 weeks when she gets down there.

    He's a fantastic person.

    Thanks for your advice, as I take deep breaths and count, as the phone is turned off. I know it's best that I don't answer it tonight.
  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The only thing I would be upset about in this whole rant is your daughter's attitude.  I think it was irresponsible of her to not take the bull by the horns and get on that hotel/motel thing.  For some reason, if someone from his side of the family had to book the hotel, it's because they were probably feeling the same frustration as you were. 

    The OOT bags are not required, they are just a nice welcome gift.  Nowhere does it say that OOT guests must receive a welcome package.  That's a bonus that is at the discretion of the bride and groom.

    The BM dresses, I'm sorry to say that it really isn't your concern whether she bought dresses for Sally or for Sue.  When details are missing, it's always better not to judge.  In any case, this isn't any of your business.  If the other BMs feel in any way like they've been cheated or mistreated they will let your daughter know.  They are adults, let them handle the situations that arise between themselves.

    Good luck with everything and I wish you and your daughter a wonderful wedding day!
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh, his family had all the info in advance!  one of the FI buddies gathered it, and DD knew about it and didn't pass it on.

    You nailed it on the head, her attitude is what has me truely going.

    I just wish I wasn't told alot of things honestly, as much as it's nice to be involved and asked for alot on ideas  it's driving me nuts!  I do step back sometimes and let them handle it, but old habbits never die, procastinating and "stringing ppl on"

    Thanks Cynthia and Marie for your well wishes. I know in the end it will be beautiful, and I will be glad it's over! lol
  • edited December 2011
    From a bride’s point of view, planning a wedding with a lot of out-of-town guests is really stressful. Sometimes I just wish people would jump online and do their own research, especially while I’m juggling tons of other wedding details. This does not excuse your daughter’s behavior, but this is something moms should keep in mind. My mom and I have had a tiffs long distance. It’s hard to not have her here to help and because she is so far away she doesn’t see the bigger picture (or maybe it’s the other way around!). Either way, know that you are loved and appreciated. This will pass. And don’t sweat the small stuff, like with the gift bags. We’re not doing gift bags for out of town guests because of budgeting issues. It doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate our guests- it just means we’re poor!
  • edited December 2011
    This...exactly!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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