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Maid of Honor From Hell! Help!!!!!!

kag0215kag0215 member
100 Comments
in Illinois-Chicago
So my FI and I have been engaged for about four weeks now and already I'm ready to strangle my maid of honor. She's my little sister and not only is she only 19 but she also wants to be an event planner so to say she's going overboard is an understatement.

My FI and I live about an hour from both sets of parents so we're not home too often and so both my mom and my MOH are planning things without talking to us first. Like tonight I got a call from my mom telling me that we have to have chair covers at the reception. FI and I had already decided no because of cost. It turns out they were planning the budget without us there! My parents are paying for most of the wedding but my FI and I feel that these things should still be discussed with us and not my sister. I just really needed to vent!
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Re: Maid of Honor From Hell! Help!!!!!!

  • jessNlane52804jessNlane52804
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Woah! It sounds like you and your FI need to have a heart to heat with mom and sis. Granted if they are paying they do get more say in wedding choices, but this seems kind of extreme. Whose name is on the venue contract? I don't think they would actually be able to make decisions if their names aren't on the contracts.
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  • mbf124mbf124
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry this is happening to you! I've been through this many times with my wedding planning.  If I could start over, we'd pay for everything ourselves so that nobody else will just make decisions without asking because they are paying for it.  I guess you live and learn!
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  • mandybear7mandybear7
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand your frustration with decisions being made without you, but don't push your sister off too much yet... I wish my 18 year old sister (MOH) would be more eager to help me with the wedding BS that I don't want to deal with, like chair covers! Believe me, extra help will be appreciated throughout the wedding process.

    Also, it seems like they are just super excited for you! I highly doubt they are going to go ahead and book things without your input, so just go with the flow with this. Just talk to your mom and sister and let them know how you are feeling.

    Good luck!
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  • MsBunny312MsBunny312 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You and your fiance should sit down and talk to your sister and mom and explain that it is your wedding and that final decisions will be made by the two of you. Your sister and mother are welcome to make suggestions within reason, but they cannot dictate the details. It won't be an easy conversation to have, but setting boundaries in a diplomatic fashion is important.
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  • mandybear7mandybear7
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_maid-of-honor-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:72Discussion:ed5d6f49-8412-4929-ba4d-e35934af57f4Post:56e7d1d0-0cb4-403c-90a2-8aa67cb2e79e">Re: Maid of Honor From Hell! Help!!!!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You and your fiance should sit down and talk to your sister and mom and explain that it is your wedding and that final decisions will be made by the two of you. Your sister and mother are welcome to make suggestions within reason, but they cannot dictate the details. It won't be an easy conversation to have, but setting boundaries in a diplomatic fashion is important.
    Posted by MsBunny312[/QUOTE]

    I somewhat disagree. It appears as if her parents are giving a large chunk of money for the wedding... they have a big say in what happens. When you accept others' money, you have to accept that they get a say in what happens with their money.
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  • Sparkette19Sparkette19 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You have so much time until the wedding, I'm not quite sure why you picked your WP so early...even if it is your sister.

    If your parents are chipping in funding, they should get a say as far as how the money is used. That's how it usually goes. If you don't want chair covers then don't sign the contract. I don't think that should be too hard. If your parents want to pay for it who cares?

    Honestly it sounds like they are just excited about your upcoming wedding. I don't think you can blame them for that though. It's still over a year away. Keep that in mind and plan your wedding the way you want to.
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  • sgyllingsgylling
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have to agree with Sparkette and Mandybear. I think it sounds like they are just really excited for you guys and trying to help. I also wish my sister was more eager to help in planning, she is my MOH too. The first month is pretty hard with trying to figure out budgets and venues, but take a deep breath and try not to fault them. They are really just trying to help. I have heard much more horror MOH stories, haha LOL. Try to keep everything in perspective and I am sure you will have a great wedding and it will all work out. :) GL!
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  • Love is BaldLove is Bald
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_maid-of-honor-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:72Discussion:ed5d6f49-8412-4929-ba4d-e35934af57f4Post:8f93de3b-a6c9-4734-8248-1d552460a911">Re: Maid of Honor From Hell! Help!!!!!!</a>:
    [QUOTE] If your parents are chipping in funding, they should get a say as far as how the money is used. Posted by Sparkette19[/QUOTE]

    I completely agree.  Because your parents are nice enough to pay for the wedding (or part of it) I don't think its fair that if they want to add something to your reception that you don't want, that should be your decision.  Now it would be different if you wanted something they weren't willing to pay for...
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  • lisadarlinglisadarling
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you and your FI could let your family know what is important for you to have at your wedding.  This way, they'll have a better understanding of where you would like the money to go.  And they'll be happy just to make you happy.  Say you really wanted a photobooth but weren't sure you could afford both that and the chair covers.  I think they'll see your vision of how you want your special day to be.  Believe me when I tell you, NO ONE REMEMBERS THE CHAIRS.  They will only remember how beautiful YOU were and if they had a good time.


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  • jessicalumbardjessicalumbard member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Lisa - my parents are footing the bill, and so I know that they have the final say...but I told them upfront what the 2 most important things were to me (pictures and the video) and that I don't care at all what the decisions on everything else are (flowers, decorations, centerpieces, etc, etc).  It's, overall, worked out pretty well!
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